Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About new boyfriend's looks

85 replies

dandydesmond · 09/02/2016 17:19

New boyfriend has an amazing body. Really amazing. He is also an extremely nice man. However, face-wise, I am just not sure I fancy him. I am going out with him because he is a lovely person and treats me really well, and I wouldn't want to hurt him or really to stop seeing him right now. However, I am struggling to get round the fact that I just don't think he is attractive in the face department.

Perhaps I am just shallow, but I have always thought you need to have sexual attraction to someone you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with. In this case, I have a lot of attraction to his body and his mind, but I am worried I will end up getting to the point of not fancying him at all and hurting him if I carry on ignoring the fact that I don't really fancy his face.

What do you think?

OP posts:
VulcanWoman · 09/02/2016 17:23

You're as deep as a puddle. Probably shouldn't have posted, I don't usually post to be negative but just find this so sad.

Cutecat78 · 09/02/2016 17:24

I didn't find my DP that attractive when I first met him - but I fell in love with him and I think he's gorgeous.

That's all that matters - how he makes you feel.

Oysterbabe · 09/02/2016 17:25

How long have you been seeing him?

Eggsandketchup · 09/02/2016 17:25

Attraction sometimes grows with the relationship, as you get to know a person better and fall in love with them. Saying that, I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought me unattractive Confused

Mag314 · 09/02/2016 17:25

Tough one.

I think if you really like somebody, then if they have fairly regular features, or at least, no particularly unattractive feature, then if they're healthy and positive and you like them, then when you look at them, you see the whole person. BUT I don't know if I could cope with disgusting teeth or really close set eyes.

Basically, you don't fancy him, but you can acknowledge that he has a nice body.

Mag314 · 09/02/2016 17:27

What did you think the very fist time you set eyes on him?

An ex of mine, I remember, the very first time I saw him I thought nothing. Neither, 'oh he's nice' nor 'fell from the ugly tree'. His personality made his 'neutral' looks grow on me.

Cleensheetsandbedding · 09/02/2016 17:28

Don't go there. I had a BF who's body was amazing (sigh) but he had a massive nose (that looked even worse on photos) and I just couldn't get past it.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 09/02/2016 17:28

YANBU to wonder. I think only time will tell. Do you think that the fact you're "segmenting" him into bits you fancy and bits you don't means that that general feeling of attraction (to the whole person) is missing a bit? If it is, you can't really help that.

Original poster
dandydesmond · 09/02/2016 17:29

Oysterbabe - a few weeks.

OP posts:
AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 09/02/2016 17:29

I just couldn't get past it

Literally, Cleensheet? Shock

PuntasticUsername · 09/02/2016 17:30

Get him to grow a beard, then there will be less of his face you have to look at?

Cleensheetsandbedding · 09/02/2016 17:32

I know another Sad

BUT my Dh is a tad over weight, was when I met him but has an amazing beautiful face. He is also the funniest person I know. I do think you do need that initial attraction after all your going to spend enough time kidding it

Cleensheetsandbedding · 09/02/2016 17:32

*Kissing it!

Angeladelight · 09/02/2016 17:32

While it's not a nice thing to say, if you don't fancy him then you don't fancy him. Best not to lead him on if it's not something you can get past.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 09/02/2016 17:33

In my experience if you're thinking anything negative about them physically then you just don't fancy them enough for it to be a long term bet. The two men I've been in love with in my life weren't objectively very handsome or attractive- but I found/find (one is my DH) far more attractive than the objectively good looking ones who I went out with but was never in love with. I think that my husband is gorgeous but objectively/on paper he isn't. The fact that I find him that way is that magic/spark in my opinion.

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 17:34

I think you can get used to someone and 'grow into' sexual attraction. Honestly, it took me a while to fancy my DH lookswise and I had doubts early in the relationship. However, his wonderful personality won the day, thank god, and now I fancy the pants off him. I think it is worth sticking it out, it is not easy to find a good match.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/02/2016 17:34

You're as deep as a puddle

This.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 09/02/2016 17:36

I do think you do need that initial attraction after all your going to spend enough time kissing it

Absolutely, cleen. Sorry, I wasn't really being shocked about you ending it with your ex - was just being silly about the idea of physically not being able to "get past" a nose... not criticising!

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 09/02/2016 17:36

You're as deep as a puddle

WTAF?

acasualobserver · 09/02/2016 17:39

Yes, attraction can build over time but I think you have something to build on.

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 17:39

You're as deep as a puddle
There's nothing shallow with wanting to be sexually attracted to the person you're in a relationship with! A relationship without attraction would be pretty grim.

Cleensheetsandbedding · 09/02/2016 17:41

another nobody nose how bad it was Grin

Sallystyle · 09/02/2016 17:42

Only on MN does not fancying someone make you shallow. You can't help who you fancy. That doesn't make someone shallow.

HelsBels3000 · 09/02/2016 17:42

maybe he thinks the same about you probably for the best

Helmetbymidnight · 09/02/2016 17:43

Are you saying you don't fancy him?

If so, then set the poor fella free!