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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Your wife should be your +1

122 replies

Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 13:31

Background: DH likes watching football and goes often. I don't especially like it but occasionally go with him. I haven't been recently as he goes with his family so hard for us to get babysitter when they are all at football.
He's got friends in other areas who support the same team, so in the past he's been to watch games with friends in other cities.

Last week he told me he's going with a friend to watch a game in London. I said I'd travel down with him and take our little boy to do something nice in London. All fine.

Yesterday, I found out from his mum (who he offered the ticket to first but she can't go) that he's been given 2 hospitality tickets from a client, including lunch, seats in a box and free bar all afternoon.

AIBU to think that he should have asked me if I wanted to go?

I had a cheap day out in London planned but, in light of what DH is doing, WIBU to take our son somewhere lovely for lunch and put it on his credit card?

OP posts:

ZiggyFartdust · 10/02/2016 12:58

YABU. He got tickets to football, and you don't like football. It makes much more sense to go with someone who does, and they will both enjoy it far more.

If yuo don't do things together, that is a separate and more worrying issue, that you should perhaps be focusing on.

Audweb81 · 10/02/2016 13:06

Honestly, with my last H and my current partner, I was the one who loved rugby and not them. I would have invited a friend not them if I had gotten hospitality , a friend that loves rugby so that I could really enjoy it. Its not that much fun if you go with some that is not into the game that much, honestly, been there done that.

AgathaF · 10/02/2016 13:46

(I knew there would be a chippy response - so predictable) - we aim to please (in between swearing, drinking beer and shoving pukka pies down our throats, of course).

In all seriousness though, my experiences of corporate hospitality at football matches have been that they are somewhat lacking in atmosphere, probably because a fair proportion of the people there are attending to enjoy the free eats and drinks, rather than because they are passionate about their team and the game being played. I would really rather sit in our seats (with an excellent view actually). But hey, whatever floats your boat.

JapaneseSlipper · 10/02/2016 13:49

"Talking about putting stuff on his credit card is immature."

No - it's weird, because it should be pointless. OP, you guys have a kid together, why are your finances so separate? If I put something on my partner's credit card, it makes absolutely no difference to either of us, because our money is shared.

Sorry off-topic I know but I find that odd.

MLGs · 10/02/2016 14:19

I think YABU to expect him to take you necessarily. But I think he should have told you what he was doing just out of courtesy.

MLGs · 10/02/2016 14:23

I also think you should do something your son should enjoy when you are with him.

But you should have equal opportunities to do fun stuff, and equal access to money for this purpose.

Why is it "his" credit card if you are both card holders?

Take your son somewhere he would enjoy on this occasion, and do something more grown up and glamorous with friends another time.

SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 10/02/2016 14:37

YANBU.

I think he should have given you the choice to go first off.
I don't like football but would love the opportunity to go somewhere all expenses paid like that.

It's not just about the football, it's the whole experience and a nice day out.

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 14:53

You're in London, with all the fab things you could be doing with your little boy, and you choose to take him for an afternoon tea in a 'nice' hotel, in order to spend money and piss your husband off?? Very child-friendly, op.....good to see you've got your priorities in order. No wonder your dh is going to the football with his mate, you sound ridiculous

Ladymariner I'm not sure why all your posts are so angry and vindictive. Maybe you are just the kind of pathetic person who likes to sit at home spitting venom at strangers over the Internet. I'm going to take him to a specific children's afternoon tea in a specific very family-friendly hotel because I know he will love it. It's not to piss my husband off. Why do you think you know better than I do what my child would like? YOU sound ridiculous AND vile.

DH puts over £50k a year through his credit card. £50 is nothing to him.

I have planned a full day of things all around being nice experiences for my son, so people suggesting I'm being childish at his expense are, frankly, talking crap.

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FrenchJunebug · 10/02/2016 15:04

YABVU you don't like football. Free bar or not if I was your OH i would rather go with somebody who will enjoy the match than with somebody who doesn't. Half of the fun of going to matches is the commenting you do with your friends.

Why are so you jealous and vindictive of your OH doing something nice for himself and a friend?!.

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 15:05

Why is it "his" credit card if you are both card holders?

He has a credit card but I have a card on his account. So it's my card with my name on it but it's credited to his account. I have this card specifically so I can buy or do stuff, in particular stuff with DS, that I could not afford on my salary.
I never ask him if I can use it and he doesn't expect me to but he sometimes moans about stuff that I have bought on it. He spends vastly more on it than I do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 15:07

FFS French rtft. I've already conceded IABU about the football and have let it go.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 15:12

But actually I am a bit jealous of all the nice stuff he gets with his job. He gets loads of these kids of perks all the time, so tbh it's not that special to him. If it wasn't his team playing, he wouldn't bother going.

I never said I don't like football, but I'm not bothered about it in the way that he is.

OP posts:

whattodowiththepoo · 10/02/2016 15:23

Yabu

ladymariner · 10/02/2016 17:12

Hahahaha, Yeah, that's it, I've got nothing better to do.....you know what, op, youre clearly always right, so crack on. I don't post that often, but there's something about your pathetic updates that I find really irritating, so yeah, its best that I'm bowing out and leaving you to bore other people instead
Have a lovely time at your afternoon tea, I'm sure your dh will, with his mate.....

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 17:36

ladymariner
Thank you for recognising that you have nothing of value to say here and bowing out, however ungraciously.

Actually I'm not always right and I started this thread because I genuinely wanted to know if IWBU. From your replies I think I will have a much nicer time with my little boy so am looking forward to a lovely day in London with him.
Thanks for all the replies, especially to those posters that managed to be civil.

OP posts:

XiCi · 10/02/2016 18:36

Wow, there are some total cunts on this thread
Have a good day with your son OP. Your DH is out of order not asking you whether you wanted to go. I've had some brilliant days out at corporate sporting events. I would be asking him what he was playing at asking his mum instead of you and then not mentioning it at all. That's pretty shit of him

Shutthatdoor · 10/02/2016 19:37

Wow, there are some total cunts on this thread

Original poster

Gattabianca · 10/02/2016 20:22

I agree XiCi

It's fine to disagree but what kind of person posts that taking my little boy to a children's afternoon tea means that he is not my priority, I am selfish, ridiculous and my husband is right to not want to spend time with me??

I can laugh it off because I know they are wrong and the kind of people who post stuff like this, their opinions don't matter to me.

Luckily there's lots of nice posts to balance out the odd spiteful comment

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JapaneseSlipper · 11/02/2016 15:32

"I am a bit jealous of all the nice stuff he gets with his job. He gets loads of these kids of perks all the time, so tbh it's not that special to him."

I can understand that, I'd be peeved too. Maybe you can talk to him when this is all done, and say you fancy a treat, and that next time something like this comes up you want to go along too. Maybe he's become a bit blase about his perks, and forgets that you aren't in on them.

Floggingmolly · 11/02/2016 15:47

He offered it to his mother first? (Does she like football?). And then his friend... I wonder how far down the list he'd have had to work before you got a look in? I'd have been pissed off too.

bbpp · 11/02/2016 15:53

Isn't the issue here that you never go out together, not the actual football? You never get to do anything nice and then he had an opportunity to do something with you, which wouldn't cost any money, he had time for because he's going anyway and still didn't make the effort for your to have a day out together? And you do stuff separately and with friends so why couldn't he have done this one thing with you?

And it's not like you can initiate going out because he's busy and doesn't have time, and you run out of money and wouldn't be able to afford it. You need him to do it, and he never does.

Get talking to him about how you need to spend more time together. Set up a date night. Don't get upset about missing out on something that doesn't really interest you, get him to take you out for dinner and drinks somewhere nice. Tell him you want to be treated like a wife.

And enjoy the day out in London.

Original poster

Gattabianca · 11/02/2016 19:57

Yes his mum does like football. They usually go together. I wouldn't have minded at all if he'd taken her as it's their thing. Also MIL is a lovely lady and she has a similar job to mine so wouldn't normally get the chance to do something like this.
I think I would prob be about 5th or 6th on the list
Thinking about it, we both rank quite low in each other's priorities and pp who said our "problems run deeper than him not inviting me to a free piss up" was right.
Thanks for the nice posts and advice

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