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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your wife should be your +1

122 replies

Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 13:31

Background: DH likes watching football and goes often. I don't especially like it but occasionally go with him. I haven't been recently as he goes with his family so hard for us to get babysitter when they are all at football.
He's got friends in other areas who support the same team, so in the past he's been to watch games with friends in other cities.

Last week he told me he's going with a friend to watch a game in London. I said I'd travel down with him and take our little boy to do something nice in London. All fine.

Yesterday, I found out from his mum (who he offered the ticket to first but she can't go) that he's been given 2 hospitality tickets from a client, including lunch, seats in a box and free bar all afternoon.

AIBU to think that he should have asked me if I wanted to go?

I had a cheap day out in London planned but, in light of what DH is doing, WIBU to take our son somewhere lovely for lunch and put it on his credit card?

OP posts:
theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 14:07

I think that if you want to have a date with him then that's completely fair enough. But if he's said that he wants you to do more stuff as a couple and you can afford it, I don't see what's stopping you just going out for a nice meal or whatever at some point. Why don't you book something? I don't think that he needs to feel bad that he's not taking you to this, sorry!

Funinthesun15 · 09/02/2016 14:08

A VIP box isn't just you and your DH it is also full of lots of other people that will want to watch and talk about the football.

You say you don't like it.

I can't see the issue.

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 14:10

Ok fine, the general consensus is that IABU. I will admit that I am wrong and let it go about the football.

But I don't think asking him to pay for a nice lunch out for me and DS is immature. He's got loads more money than I do AND he's getting a nice day out with lunch for free.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/02/2016 14:11

You wouldn't be remotely interested in sharing the actual game with him. In his position I'd take my mate too.

Ameliablue · 09/02/2016 14:11

She may not like football but she has gone with him before therefore he should have asked her first.

SaucyJack · 09/02/2016 14:11

You do have my sympathy then OP.

If you never get out together, then I can well understand that even a football match would have been a damn sight more of a romantic date for you then anything else the two of you have lined up for the near future.

ilovesooty · 09/02/2016 14:12

If you have equal financial access why do you have to "ask" him to pay for lunch?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/02/2016 14:12

How has he got loads more money than you if you are a married couple? Can't you just take the lunch cost out of the joint account?

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/02/2016 14:15

If you don't do much together then that is what needs addressing not this.

It won't be a lovely table for 2 and free flowing alcohol.

You will basically be in a glass box mixing and taking to whilst eating and drinking. Lots of people talking and interested in the football and who would expect to you to be too.

Terribleknitter · 09/02/2016 14:15

Ive been in the 'we must do more as a couple' situation - just arrange something, sort a babysitter out and tell him. That's what I did. It kickstarted us actually making an effort to spend more time together as we remembered how much we enjoy each other's company Smile

Ipsos · 09/02/2016 14:16

Can't you just ask him? It seems like we are not the right people to be talking to about this.

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 14:16

We have separate finances. We don't have a joint account, but I do have a credit card on his account.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 09/02/2016 14:18

It all seems a bit childish, tit for tat type stuff. Just say 'great, have a nice day, I'll take ds to xxx for lunch then'

Arfarfanarf · 09/02/2016 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herethereandeverywhere · 09/02/2016 14:25

I understand your point OP. My DH gets to do loads of corporate hospitality and I love a bit myself - excuse to dress up a bit, fancy eating, drinking and hob-nobbing chat. Neither of us do it so often that it's a chore or eats into our lives too much for it to be a bind. Anyway, he had 2 corp. hosp. for the Rugby World Cup final at Twickers - there was no way he'd have asked anyone except me! I'm not crazy about rugby but it can hold my interest for 80 minutes. It was a wonderful day out and I really enjoyed it despite not being a hard core rugby fan (or an Oz/NZ supporter).

I do think he should have asked you first and I also think a lovely treat day for you and your DS is in order. Smile

bigTillyMint · 09/02/2016 14:25

OP, it will be an almost completely male piss-up with loads of chanting/shouting at the screen, etc, etc. Noone will be remotely interested in talking to you as they will all presume you know nothing about footy and that is all they will be talking about. It will be sooooo BORING.

I say this as a footywidow who would rather poke her own eyes out than go to a Premiership match, corporate or not!

And how old is your DS? Mine is nearly 15 and he and DH spend hours on footy as he plays for a decent team as well as them both supporting two teams and watching all matches they can on TV. And have done for years. I love that they share this. I am happy to go and watch some of DS's matches, but beyond that, no way!

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 14:27

Stuff for DS, that I can't afford goes on his credit card. It works for us (most of the time).
I expect he will moan a bit if I go for an expensive lunch but I think it's fair enough, considering he's getting a nice day out all expenses paid.

OP posts:
BlondeOnATreadmill · 09/02/2016 14:27

Hmm. Lunch, box, free bar.....I think he should have asked you first.

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2016 14:29

Tell him how you're feeling and perhaps he might offer to buy your lunch.

No point in getting in debt with a credit card for it though.

Katenka · 09/02/2016 14:35

Yabu. You didn't have want to go.

Let him go with someone who will enjoy the whole thing.

Did you except him to ditch the friend?

JessieMcJessie · 09/02/2016 14:39

Stuff for DS, that I can't afford goes on his credit card.

So you have separate finances but basically he only steps in to fund things for your son when you have run out of money?

I think your problems run deeper than not being invited to a free piss up.

RhiWrites · 09/02/2016 14:42

Just tell him... "Since your match isn't going to cost anything, you cool if I pay with your card for a nice lunch for me and our son?" Im he says no, then he's a cock.

tootsietoo · 09/02/2016 14:45

I'm yeah but no but. I also like a bit of free food and booze in a box at a big sports fixture, even if I'm not that interested in the sport. DH gets this sort of thing quite often, and he does often ask me, so I get that you would want to be asked. But sometimes he might just need to pay back a mate, or entertain a client, or might just want some time with a mate who he knows would enjoy the game with him, and I don't think I'd be too bothered if this was the case and actually would enjoy a day out on the town with the DDs much more. So I would say on balance YABU.

So I think chill out, tell him you want to come next time, and get on with organising a fun day. But don't do any of that stuff about putting it on his credit card, I've got a friend who is always "fining" her DH for "misbehaviour" and I think it's just silly! It's probably a bit tough if you don't share finances, but that is a whole different discussion......

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 14:46

Thanks for all the nice responses. Smile

He's not in debt and can well afford a nice lunch out for me and DS.

Did you except him to ditch the friend?
I don't know what you mean by that Confused

OP posts:
AgathaF · 09/02/2016 14:51

Book yourself an evening out somewhere nice with him and stop sulking about the football.

Perhaps you need to have a look at your joint finances too. You're married, with a child. There should probably be more sharing of your money that there appears to be from what you've said on this thread.