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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your wife should be your +1

122 replies

Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 13:31

Background: DH likes watching football and goes often. I don't especially like it but occasionally go with him. I haven't been recently as he goes with his family so hard for us to get babysitter when they are all at football.
He's got friends in other areas who support the same team, so in the past he's been to watch games with friends in other cities.

Last week he told me he's going with a friend to watch a game in London. I said I'd travel down with him and take our little boy to do something nice in London. All fine.

Yesterday, I found out from his mum (who he offered the ticket to first but she can't go) that he's been given 2 hospitality tickets from a client, including lunch, seats in a box and free bar all afternoon.

AIBU to think that he should have asked me if I wanted to go?

I had a cheap day out in London planned but, in light of what DH is doing, WIBU to take our son somewhere lovely for lunch and put it on his credit card?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/02/2016 18:02

Ynbu. Whether you wanted to go or not. You should be given first refusal.

Jux · 09/02/2016 18:05

It was mean, so you definitely need to hit the card. Is your son of an age to appreciate tea at Fortnums/Savoy/Claridges? Take him to an oyster bar for lunch first.

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 19:52

Jux yes I was thinking of something along those lines. He's only little so I might take him for a kids afternoon tea in a nice hotel. Smile

The football tickets are free but he is still spending £100s on this trip to London so I don't think it's "immature" or unreasonable for us to spend £50 on a nice tea.

I'm not going to literally ask him. I'll pay on his credit card and when he gets the bill he might moan, or he might not. If he does, that's his problem. We are a family so we should all have equal opportunities to do nice things.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 09/02/2016 22:44

I don't think you should have to ask him but it seems underhand to do it and not tell him in advance that this looks fair to you and check that he agrees.

Gruntfuttock · 10/02/2016 00:23

YABU and I you sound very childish and petulant.

Gruntfuttock · 10/02/2016 00:24

Sorry for typo above.

ladymariner · 10/02/2016 06:59

You're in London, with all the fab things you could be doing with your little boy, and you choose to take him for an afternoon tea in a 'nice' hotel, in order to spend money and piss your husband off?? Very child-friendly, op.....good to see you've got your priorities in order.
No wonder your dh is going to the football with his mate, you sound ridiculous

deregistered · 10/02/2016 07:05

Totally childish and mean. I'm really surprised people are egging you on. He's done nothing wrong. And family 'equal opportunities' doesn't mean spending money for the sake of it because you are having a paddy.

Your son would no doubt prefer Natural History museum, a sandwich and an ice-cream to sitting still and staying quiet in Claridges for two hours, but hey, you know, act like a diva from Towie because, errr, you're worth it.

Or some such horseshit.

LimpidPools · 10/02/2016 07:24

Wow, you're getting a roasting despite being very mild and pleasant and agreeing early on that you were being unreasonable.

For the record, I don't think you are. I go to the occasional game of football, despite not really being a fan. If my OH got something like this I'd certainly expect first refusal on attending, although I might choose not to go. And I'd be livid if I wasn't told before he started asking around for someone else to take with him!

And there's nothing wrong at all with you treating yourself and your child. You know what you both like and I certainly wouldn't want to ask for his permission before going off and doing it.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 10/02/2016 07:26

If you play games like that after spitting your dummy out, it's little wonder he is taking his friend. Adults don't play silly games.

It's a football match and you don't like football, it's far better he enjoy it with someone who does. Why would you begrudge him that?

TeaT1me · 10/02/2016 07:34

Mine loved the natural history museum. Instead of playing games can't you think what your child would like and enjoy a day with them?

JohnLuther · 10/02/2016 07:34

Why are you behaving like a child OP?

HolsW · 10/02/2016 07:36

I don't think that everything you do, your partner has to be invited too.

wannaBe · 10/02/2016 08:05

IMO the issue which is being overlooked here is communication (or lack thereof).

the op said she found out from her MIL that Her dh had corporate hospitality tickets. What would have happened if MIL hadn't said anything? Would dh have just gone off to the match and come back pissed with the op never having been any the wiser?

Surely one of the benefits of having corporate hospitality is that you get to gloat to your loved ones that you get to sit in the nice box with free food and drink? Confused.

My xh loves football. I do not. Well, I think it's fair to say that I've been to three football matches in my life, all of which were at Wembley, so XH would quite happily (and rightly) have referred to me as a fair weather football fan. Grin.

A few years ago he was given tickets to a corporate hospitality box for some match or other. I think he was given them by a recruitment agent or some such. I can't remember who he even went with, probably some mate from work or somewhere. It wasn't me, and neither would I ever have expected it to be. But if he had just come home drunk after the game and it had then transpired that he'd had corporate hospitality, I would have wondered why he hadn't told me, you know, just as a part of conversation.

Op's DH isn't unreasonable for inviting a friend rather than the op, esp given she wouldn't have been interested in going to the match if there wasn't free drink on offer, but I do wonder why he wouldn't have thought to just mention that he had corporate hospitality tickets...

ladymariner · 10/02/2016 08:22

Because wanna he didn't want to take her, he wanted to take a mate instead, with whm he could enjoy the footie and have a laugh. Op doesn't like football, she just wanted the hospitality side of it.

wannaBe · 10/02/2016 08:36

No but that's not the point. My xh didn't want to take me either, most likely for similar reasons. But he still said to me "oh, you'll never guess what, I've been given corporate tickets to x game on y date..."

Given I never went to the football with him it would never have occurred to me that he should ask me to go just because there was a free bar. And similarly, the op doesn't go either, so the type of ticket shouldn't have made her automatically think that she would be invited, but surely being allowed into those boxes is something to mention? Why wouldn't you? Presumably either because you wouldn't want your partner to know (why not?) or because you knew that she is so demanding that she would be annoyed at not being asked....

Marynary · 10/02/2016 09:09

I don't think that fact he didn't mention is a big deal. It probably didn't occur to him that OP would want to go. DH would only mention it because I would be quite pleased that we weren't paying for his meal or drink. If we had separate finances he probably wouldn't think I'd be interested (and he would be correct).

listsandbudgets · 10/02/2016 09:20

Yabu. Much better he takes someone who likes football. Dp had a similar invite to a cricket match a few years ago and I sighed a sigh of relief when he took his friend rather than asking me.

He knew that watching a load of Men dressed in white hitting a ball and running round so.e wooden sticks was not my idea of fun free lunch or not

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2016 09:24

I've skipped the intervening posts OP

I am a season ticket holder in 'corporate hospitality' (yes it costs a lot of money, yes we are over privileged ...[preempts chippy subsequent posts]). You should have been offered the plus one. I am a football fan as are my 2 dc and my husband, but occasionally my children don't go (7.45 pm school night kick off) and we take friends in their place. On occasions when friends have attended who aren't ardent fans, they have nevertheless thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. There is no slumming it queueing for the loo and pukka pies - rather you are in a large airy room with waitress service and a 3 course meal and unlimited drinks - alcohol or otherwise, there is coffee and cake at half time and a cheese board at full time. Your seats will generally be in an excellent location to maximise a good view of the game. Because you are in 'corporate' the officials ensure that standards are maintained so beery, sweary types are not tolerated and are told to control themselves or face ejection. Often a player will come up to the room post match for an interview....plus, watching football live is infinitely more enjoyable than on TV, particularly in these circumstances

AgathaF · 10/02/2016 09:45

There is no slumming it queueing for the loo and pukka pies - oh dear!

I'm a season ticket holder who 'slums' it in with the rest of the "beery, sweary types". I just really don't know how I stand it, week in and week out.

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2016 09:58

Neither do I AgathaF, neither do I. Rather you than me.

AgathaF · 10/02/2016 11:28

Perhaps you have to be a real supporter to cope with it Grin.

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2016 11:29

Oh I can cope with it, but who would choose to given the option Confused

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2016 11:30

(I knew there would be a chippy response - so predictable)

XiCi · 10/02/2016 11:49

YANBU at all. Of course he should have asked if you wanted to go, especially as you don't get out much together, it's a really good day out.
And I would also be mightily pissed off that he asked his mother to go with him first, especially given he hasn't bothered mentioning it to you at all.