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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your wife should be your +1

122 replies

Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 13:31

Background: DH likes watching football and goes often. I don't especially like it but occasionally go with him. I haven't been recently as he goes with his family so hard for us to get babysitter when they are all at football.
He's got friends in other areas who support the same team, so in the past he's been to watch games with friends in other cities.

Last week he told me he's going with a friend to watch a game in London. I said I'd travel down with him and take our little boy to do something nice in London. All fine.

Yesterday, I found out from his mum (who he offered the ticket to first but she can't go) that he's been given 2 hospitality tickets from a client, including lunch, seats in a box and free bar all afternoon.

AIBU to think that he should have asked me if I wanted to go?

I had a cheap day out in London planned but, in light of what DH is doing, WIBU to take our son somewhere lovely for lunch and put it on his credit card?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 14:54

*Stuff for DS, that I can't afford goes on his credit card.

So you have separate finances but basically he only steps in to fund things for your son when you have run out of money?

I worded that badly. We both pay for stuff but if I run out of money I use his credit card.

OP posts:
StephC1987 · 09/02/2016 15:00

If you got the tickets too say a musical (and he felt the same as you do about football) but the same aspects applied (ie free bar etc) would your OH expect you to take him?

I'm with you TBH OP. I sometimes get tickets like this through my work and i always take my OH, even though it's his rival team. He isn't going for the football, he is going for the free food and drink.

However if this was my OH I would just let him go with his friend. But I would be taking my DS out for a lovely day with OHs money. Smile

Inertia · 09/02/2016 15:03

So he doesn't even tell you about a big all-expenses jolly he's been invited on, let alone invite you along.

He begrudges you and your son a nice lunch.

You're married but you don't share money.

He earns more but you buy what your son needs.

This runs deeper than football.

Original poster
Gattabianca · 09/02/2016 15:06

If you got the tickets too say a musical (and he felt the same as you do about football) but the same aspects applied (ie free bar etc) would your OH expect you to take him?

Good point! I think he would be really pissed off if I took someone else without even asking him OR telling him about it. I would ask him first in that situation. Not that it will ever happen as I work in public sector. I get excited when I go to conferences or training with work and get free tea and biscuits!!

Anyway, I have conceded that IABU about the football so I will let it go and plan a nice day out in London on DH Smile

OP posts:
DontCareHowIWantItNow · 09/02/2016 15:14

He begrudges you and your son a nice lunch

There is nowhere that says that!

HPFA · 09/02/2016 15:14

You must be the first person on AIBU to actually listen to what people have said without getting ratty. For that: Flowers and have a lovely trip.

ladymariner · 09/02/2016 15:14

Wonder how many times in the future you're going to bring this up,though op?
YABU, he's having a nice day out with his mate, you're having a nice day out with your son. All this talk about putting it on his card, and making him pay for your lunch sounds really childish.

bigTillyMint · 09/02/2016 15:16

That is a much better plan OPSmile

ClarenceTheLion · 09/02/2016 15:24

Given the extra info you gave OP, you really weren't being U. You never go out with him as a couple, except you DO go to the occasional football match. He knew you'd like to go to the football event, but kept it from you and took a friend. Of course that's sneaky and unfair. But it's done now. So just make sure you have a lovely time in London too, no expense spared!

Xmasbaby11 · 09/02/2016 15:29

YABU. You said you weren't bothered about football. Why waste the ticket when he has a friend who would love it?

AgathaF · 09/02/2016 15:32

He knew you'd like to go to the football event - bus she wouldn't. The OP wanted to go for some drinks and food, not to the football. They can go out for food and drinks any old time (they just need to make time to do this), but I really don't blame him for wanting to take someone who really enjoys football along. The experience is the match, with the hospitality coming second, not the other way around. Well, it is for supporters, anyway. Which she isn't, of course.

StephC1987 · 09/02/2016 15:33

Not that it will ever happen as I work in public sector. I get excited when I go to conferences or training with work and get free tea and biscuits!!

I used to work in the public sector and my OH still does so I know exactly how you feel BrewCake

Enjoy your day out with your DS Smile

JessieMcJessie · 09/02/2016 15:38

Intrigued that his client would give him the tickets - normally it's the other way round - the person trying to win or keep the client is the one who pays to entertain the client. Are you sure he's not having to do marketing when he is there and knows you'd find this boring?

AlwaysHopeful1 · 09/02/2016 15:42

Jessie my Dh is given tickets or gifts by clients all the time. It doesn't always work one way.

CottonFrock · 09/02/2016 15:43

Have a nice day in London, OP, and if the team lose 11-nil, you'll be glad you're not stuck in a corporate box with a bunch of disappointed, drunk people shaking their fists at the pitch.

JessieMcJessie · 09/02/2016 15:48

Lucky him AlwaysHopeful. He's obviously not a lawyer then - nobody ever gives us anything! My major client for years was an airline and I never even got a free glass of wine out of the buggers.

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 15:52

Oh dear, the no money sharing is worrying. This is the problem OP, and I'm sorry that's your situation :(

MistressDeeCee · 09/02/2016 15:53

For an event as nice as that, lunch and free bar all afternoon, own hospitality box! Yes I would take my OH, because even if you don't like football its a nice treat not something that comes along often, atmosphere and experience would be great.

Nicky333 · 09/02/2016 15:56

My DH is a football fan, I'm not. We're going down to London for my birthday weekend. Which is actually some football final weekend. DH will be going to the football, I will be walking around the shops on my own. I'm happy with that. Even if he'd been given corporate hospitality tickets, I wouldn't expect him to ask me. I'd rather he asked someone who's also a football fan.

In the same way, he has in the past bought me two tickets for 4 Bon Jovi concerts for my birthdays. With the proviso that I take someone other than him. Partly because he hates all the music I like (he has absolutely no taste Grin ) but mostly because he knows I would enjoy them more with someone who also likes Bon Jovi.

Marynary · 09/02/2016 15:58

YABU to want to go. It will be really boring. I would certainly take your son out for a meal though. I always do that with my DDs if DH is having fun somewhere nice. We share our money though.

trulybadlydeeply · 09/02/2016 16:08

Why does no joint account/not sharing money = relationship problems?

DH and I keep all our finances separate, always have done. A lot of couples do. It does not automatically mean trouble.

have a lovely day out with your DS OP.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2016 16:13

Watching football with someone who hates it is like a punishment. Watching football with someone who doesn't really care is okay, but watching football with someone who loves it and will talk about that tackle or if that should have been a penalty or which German players the squad needs is brilliant. A whole new level.

You might have enjoyed the free bar, and being with him, but he can take someone who would enjoy every aspect, including the football.

The free bar won't be that great anyway, it's free but they don't want you to drink too much and become a lout. Lunch is usually okay. The box is the best bit, the view of the football is incredible.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2016 16:13

In the same way, he has in the past bought me two tickets for 4 Bon Jovi concerts for my birthdays. With the proviso that I take someone other than him. Partly because he hates all the music I like (he has absolutely no taste grin ) but mostly because he knows I would enjoy them more with someone who also likes Bon Jovi.

I love Bon Jovi. I need to go to a Bon Jovi concert.

Marynary · 09/02/2016 16:27

Why does no joint account/not sharing money = relationship problems?

Well it does cause problems in this situation doesn't it? If they shared finances there would be no issue with putting it on his credit card.

Nicky333 · 09/02/2016 17:52

Anchor Bon Jovi is amazing in concert!

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