AIBU to send my kids to a faith school when I don't buy into the ethos?

[Jesabel]

We are moving house soon and looking for a new school for my 2 and 5 year olds. We basically have two choices - one is a community infant school, one is a Catholic primary school.

For various reasons I think the primary school would be the better choice, however we are atheists and actually anti-religion rather than neutral on it.

AIBU to send my kids to a Catholic school anyway?

I sent my kids to brilliant Catholic school when we don't believe in religion. We were last on the list and got into the school well into September as someone moved and dropped out. I was honest with the Head and she said it was fine, she was also honest with me saying 'its a Catholic so you can't be pulling your children put of lessons' I felt justified that I did not lie, pretend to go to church, fake religions etc. I was truly shocked at the scale in which this happens.

With regards to the teachings we explained that some people believe this and some people believe this happened but we disn't. As so much of art, literature, historical politics, public holidays etc are based around religion in the UK I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a basic grounding. As it turned out my son was quite 'spiritual' but daughter was not interested in the slightest.

Just to add, it was a wonderful school with brilliant teachers, parents etc and had we stayed in the country we would have been happy to continue there. I only wish the school over here was as 'good'.

I think you'd be silly to send them there but pull them out of worship, that basically means several times a day. Normally there are morning prayers in class, the angelus prayer at midday and a prayer before home plus assemblies. Also the whole ethos is Catholic so it would be mentioned when dealing with behaviour etc. There was a sign in classrooms above the blackboard saying "What would Jesus do?"

*Excuse me for pointing out the blindingly obvious but that if NOT the "Christian" ethos - when did Christians manage to annex anything kind or thoughtful confused

Christian ethos is that Christ was the son God who died for us.*

I think you are confusing ethos with beliefs.
Kindness and compassion are part of the Christian ethos so are encouraged within Christian teachings, that doesn't mean if you don't manage it all the time you aren't a Christian and it also doesn't mean that it is exclusive to Christianity.

yet sound deeply bitter and full of resentment yourself sorry but that made me snigger - what bit of my four lines pointing out that being decent isn't any kind of exclusively christian makes me sound bitter and full of resentment? Seriously?! and which you claim Christians aren't - I think you might need to re-read my post, I'm sure all good christians strive to be kind and thoughtful my point was that it isn't a religious thing to be kind and thoughtful and yes even moral

I think you are confusing ethos with beliefs.

I'm not really though I can kind of see why you would think it, just to busy to bother differentiating (though I did think someone might pick me up on it)

But seriously folks what school of any creed do you think is advocating being exclusive, poking your neighbours in the eye etc. It isn't in any way the preserve of the religious in fact if I were being bitter I might point out the shockingly exclusive admissions policy of the great majority of church schools in our area. But I'm not, so I won't.

If Christians, as many posters are now saying, are no more laying claim to being decent, moral, inclusive people than anyone else then why is it being used as a selling point of a christian school. The only inference is that they are better at it than other non-religious or other religious schools.

If you don't think other schools are less moral, thoughtful, decent, inclusive than you then don't use it as a selling point of your school - it makes you look as though you're trying to occupy the moral highground. It's not bitter to point that out.

my point was that it isn't EXCLUSIELY a religious thing to be kind and thoughtful

(WE NEED AN EDIT BUTTON)

What are so often described as 'Christian values' (I prefer a school that promotes Christian values, etc) are in fact pretty often human values - important to societies well before the existence of monotheism, and common across all faiths and none as useful/essential for long term survival in community living.

Describing them as 'Christian values' as if they are particularly unique or distinctive is a bit of a deceptive PR job, in my view.

I was just an atheist, then sent my DC to the only local school, C of E infant school, I'm a much more vocal Atheist now.
You decision should depend partly on your child's personality. One child started having regular nightmares after the lesson on 'hell', some children argue with their parents as they know god is real (cause their teacher told them!), some will decide to thank god for the meal you have just put infront of them, some join the choir and parents spend lots of time in church, some children will tell you clearly if they are happy and to what extent they are preached too, and the odd one mine will go on strike halfway though the nativity practice and refuse to worship their invisible friend, thus eventually resulting in the bigot xtain teacher nearly ending up being disciplined. How are you going to answer questions like 'Did they really find the boat that brought Jesus to England?'
Have you spoken to your DC about religion? What does your eldest make of it, round here they'll tell you it's mild but go full throttle from reception. When you visit the school it can be hard to know quite how much worship is going on as much worship is so normal that they don't even consider it worship.
They loose massive amounts of time spent worshiping, be it though 'Special visitors', going to church, learning hymns, writing out bible stories, collective worship, general prayers or RE. My Ds's reading and writing has improved massively since he asked to be removed from acts of worship. (RE in religious schools is different to in non faith schools it's RI indoctrination, not education)
As for the infant/junior two schools, DS was petrified going from reception to yr1, he'll be going to juniors next yr, less worried as I have realised I need to talk to him about it. I wouldn't put to much in that, they'll be moving with all their friends.
I would visit the schools, read the last religious report (they have their own version of Ofstead) talk to local parents. It's quite a personal choice, mine is not very religious, according to the locals, but it's full on madness to me, we're not going to be local for much longer, yippie!

I'm not sure why you are asking a bunch of people you have never met before? Your children, your decision surely? I am sure non catholics pay taxes too so up to you which school you send your children to.

There would be no threads at all on MN if we were only allowed to ask people we know.

I was in exactly your position. We moved to a new area and there was a place for DS in the local primary up until a week before exchanging contracts. The place went to another child and we were left the choice between about 4 other schools, one of which was Catholic.
I am atheist, my husband was brought up Protestant in Ireland with a father who was a Vicar but he is no longer sure of his faith.
I would never have considered the Catholic school, completely against my beliefs, it felt hypocritical to me and I didn't want such a religious education.
However I was persuaded to look round and the school had a lovely calm family atmosphere to it and seemed to suit our kids more than the others.

They have a lot of non-faith kids there but also Muslim and CofE. They ask you to accept the ethos of the school so for example I could not take my kids out of Mass.
DD also goes to the school and is now in Y1. She does talk about God and I am very non-commital in my answers. She has picked up on this and says 'Mummy you don't care about Jesus do you?' Recently she said 'Mummy do you believe in God?' which I found very difficult. I didn't want to lie but I also felt that by saying No I was letting her down as obviously she has been taught all about it and it is very real to her.
I just went down the 'some people believe and some don't route', she will make up her own mind as she grows up.
I have also changed my views a bit, before I would not have wanted them to grow up believing whereas now I think, actually does it really matter either way, they can decide for themselves.

I think its pointless to bother about Catholic schools being state funded therefore you should have an automatic right. By that token we should have the right to go and stay in the royal palaces.

I think its pointless to bother about Catholic schools being state funded therefore you should have an automatic right. By that token we should have the right to go and stay in the royal palaces

Er, no. Local authorities have a statutory duty to provide school places for local children, and they count the state-funded places at faith schools as part of that provision.

The only way that your analogy would make any sense is if the local authority had a statutory duty to provide a bed for everyone, and in fulfilling that duty they were able to use beds located in royal palaces. Then we could talk about whether it was reasonable for eg working class people to take a bed in a palace rather than a tower block.

Otherwise it's a bit of a nonsense statement.

Yes I know local authorities have a statutory duty to provide school places for local children. But people have a beef with the fact that where faith schools are concerned many kids won't get in because they aren't of that faith, and as a few have said, they feel that as they pay tax that shouldn't be so. My analogy was to say that just because we pay tax doesn't entitle us to say how we get to use tax funded facilities. Therefore I could argue that I'd like to sleep in a royal palace. Why not , I pay tax for it. Bit of a nonsense statement? well so is the other.

They're nowhere near analogous, and I think you know that.

When the existence of local faith schools interferes with a child's ability to get a local education, as happens all too often, it is the business of local users of that service.

Royal palaces have a net neutral impact on your ability to have a bed to sleep in at night. The same cannot be said for faith schools' impact on the ability of children to access a reasonably local state education.

The state has decided that these schools form part of the state provision of education. Curiously, the state has not made a similar decision that royal palaces will form part of public housing provision.

Curiously, the state has not made a similar decision that royal palaces will form part of public housing provision

But if they did I do live quite close to a property which is technically part of the Historic Royal Palaces... where do I apply?

Kew, I'm in. I'm sure Hampton Court is very comfortable.

Actually there's one even closer to me as Kew Palace is actually a royal palace not part of Kew gardens. It's rubbish though, Hampton court would get my vote.

YANBU. Christianity is a more-the-merrier, come-on-in, evangelising religion. You would be giving your DC the opportunity to learn about it and decide for themselves. You wouldn't be depriving a more Catholic child of a place - if they are genuinely Catholic they'll get plenty of it at home and especially on Sundays, meaning your children need the religious education more.