AIBU to send my kids to a faith school when I don't buy into the ethos?

[Jesabel]

We are moving house soon and looking for a new school for my 2 and 5 year olds. We basically have two choices - one is a community infant school, one is a Catholic primary school.

For various reasons I think the primary school would be the better choice, however we are atheists and actually anti-religion rather than neutral on it.

AIBU to send my kids to a Catholic school anyway?

Best predictor of a child's belief is that of his/ her parents ...

My DD survived 5 years of (entirely voluntary) indoctrination by nuns in catechism class. She's an imaginative child who has always been keen on mythology and who bought into belief systems enthusiastically.

The nuns had no long-lasting effect though, as she's a pretty militant atheist now, aged 14.

Meh, couldn't stand the idea myself but you pay your taxes and should be able to choose whichever school that the taxpayer funds who has room in my opinion.

I wouldn;t worry about moving schools, presumably the whole class moves again to junior school if the local community school is infants only.

If you send them to a religious school then you will have to deal with them coming home and saying things like "there is nothing bigger than God, Mummy" and "why don;t we go to church mummy, god loves us".

In my experience 5 and six year olds tend to put their teacher on a par with parents and find it hard often to deal with teacher telling them one thing "god exists and loves us and if you go to church you will go to heaven etc" and parents saying "we don't beleive in that".

But if you're happy enough with it then knock yourself out.

That's fine, without understanding how can they make their own choice on god. they can't understand in primary - they just can't and there's plenty of time to learn properly when they're teenagers.

No-one thinks children need to understand atheism, buddhism or rastafarianism or zoroastrianism etc to decide whether they wantto be one!

Go to a religious school if it suits you but lets not pretend that you wouldn;t understad christianity enough to be christian without it.

All schools in the UK have to teach the major religions, though interestingly no compulsion to teach atheism. Apparently children understand that just fine without being taught!

Meh, my view on faith schools is the amount of time they spend faffing about praying and learning about Catholicism (in this case) is time they could be spending doing something actually useful... Like being creative, playing, getting exercise etc. Not filling their heads with nonsense they will just not bother with once they get older.

Do you what want op but imo values should be taught by the parents. Nothing to do with religion.

In your position, I would have no qualms about sending them there, OP.
To be clear, I am a Christian, but not Catholic, and strongly disagree with a number of messages the school might (I imagine) give, for example "pro-life" (anti-abortion) or homophobic views.
But, because I feel confident that I've brought my child up to know her own mind, and be able to think carefully about what she does or does not believe, I'd confidently send her off into the world, allowing her to make her own choices.
The priority to me will always be that she gets the best possible academic education, which will only increase her capabilities to be a deep, rational, and independent thinker. If that education were to be found sending her to a school of a faith other than my own, so be it. My faith isn't automatically her faith. She may, very likely, choose another, or none. And why should I fear her making her own mind up?

I'm an ex-Catholic atheist who was sent to a Catholic primary school. dh (also atheist) went to a non conformist secondary school. We both decided we'd never send our children anywhere religious. So they went to a community school. After a while we discovered that the Head was great friends with a local vicar and there was lots of religion going on!

I'd go and visit all of the schools (juniors as well if you can) and then make your decision. It sounds as if your children will have to go to a faith school regardless of what you choose now so go and find out what that means in practice. If they are all undersubscribed then the children will probably come from a mix of backgrounds and there may not be that much religion going on. It can be very variable (and change quickly too, our vicar disappeared when a new Head was appointed).

If you have to accept a religious school regardless of your preferences you might as well choose the one that works best for your family.

It depends if you will accept the ethos then fine but if you will ridicule everything taught so that your children also ridicule everything taught then you shouldn't send them as it will ultimately negatively effect their education.

When I was 6, I got in trouble when it turned out that I had done precisely no RS 'cards' for the entire school year. (We were supposed to take cards on all different subjects and complete them throughout the year.)

I don't think it's true that 6 year olds don't have a fair idea of what they're interested in and what they believe in.

And I certainly never thought much of my teachers.

I'm an atheist and wouldn't send them to that school. I wouldn't be happy with the ethos.

I think it massively depends.

If you are going to choose the Catholic school, go along with their ethos at least in part then choose it.

If you are going to choose the Catholic school, withdraw your child from worship but not interfere with others wanting the worship then choose it.

If you are going to choose the Catholic school then spend the next seven years kicking off about how religious the school is and expecting the school to work around you over other children then don't.

My dds have been in two Catholic schools and I have no religion. Catholic schools in my experience are more full on worship wise than a lot of C of E schools.

In both the schools we have experience of there were morning prayers, lunch prayers, home time prayers, the priest came in for Mass, then obviously religious holidays. Then there is Holy Communion and confirmation and first confession and so on. In the dds school all but two children took these and therefore the whole class was involved in the endless preparation.

You might as well put him
In the catholic one, he'll end up there anyway so at least it will be less disruption for him.
Your just stuck in a prejudice system. Do what's best for your ds

I think kids can understand the basics of religion and make informed choices at primary age. My personal preference would be secular, but that option isn't available where we live.

Yes there is an emphasis on Christian based religion at my kids school, but other religions are also covered (with one notable exception but we're covering that one). My kids also get exposure to secular and humanist values.

Op ime a Catholic school is more likely to me more overtly religious than CofE. But I get your concerns about a further school move if you go the none catholic route. Sounds like all the kids move though so it will be different.

I would go and visit all of them. I have been surprised at the varying degrees of religion in schools, which doesn't always match the words on the school sign.

Sorry didn't read the whole thread as its not something I'd like to debate but wanted to offer my experience that it is fine to be non-faith or of a different faith to your school. The school benefits from Christian ethos is the most positive way - be nice to each other etc. And it's nice to learn about a faith. Bible stories and hymns are still part of our culture even if you are not a believer. So I would prioritise "right school for the child" over all else. It teaches tolerance and difference. And our Cristian school is over half Muslim and that works okay. I think it's healthy actually to know that people believe different thugs and worship in different ways.

I don't share the beliefs of any particular religion, but have my own ideas of spirituality and I have realised over the years that the fact that the schools in this area which are affiliated to churches, produce well balanced, happy children in the main, is not coincidental. I think it is because they have well established aims, expectations of behaviour, and boundaries, which, even if you don't agree with all of it, have the effect of making children feel secure. they seem to have got something right, which a lot of other schools can't seem to replicate. I can only judge from my own experience which is in my local area, as a parent, grandparent and in my career, in which I had contact with many schools

always makes me laugh this argument that we should nt have faith schools because not everybody can go to them because and they are state funded ,grammer schools are state funded too not everybody can go to them either in fact if you live in my town and surrounding towns your child wouldnt even have the chance to try out for grammer schools as there havent been any for about 30 years but you dont hear anyone complaining about grammer schools in fact super selective are positivley boasted about anyway op send your child to which ever school suits your childs need.

We sent ours to a church school as we felt that we could redress the balance at home. Whilst we are atheists we have taught our kids to have respect for every religion. We learnt about the different religions at home too as tolerance comes from understanding.

Whilst at the school they took part in any compulsory activities and we gave them the choice over voluntary.

My kids go to a Catholic kindergarten, despite us being atheists. I don't think there's anything wrong with them knowing the rituals and stories, and we can answer the questions about Jesus and stuff. It's hardly the only time in their life that they'll have to hear differing opinions about the world and decide which ones to take seriously.

You'll be bottom of the list to get into the RC school, even if they are under-subscribed as it tends to go:

1. Baptised Catholic Looked After Children and previously Looked After Children
2. Baptised Catholic children of staff in the school
3. Baptised Catholic children resident in the parish of St Joseph’s who have a sibling in the school at the time of admission
4. Baptised Catholic children resident in the parish of St Joseph’s
5. Baptised Catholic children from other parishes who have a sibling in the school at the time of admission
6. Baptised Catholic children from other parishes
7. Non Catholic Looked After Children and previously Looked After Children
8. Non Catholic children who have a sibling in the school at the time of admission
9. Other children

It would piss me off if you got a place over a RC, other practicing faith children but i guess that's why the admission criteria are so strict.

It's undersubscribed so it's first come first served - they can't be choosy.

OP are the schools VC or VA? It should be on the website, that will give you an indication of how they teach RE. I would probably go for the CofE if you're not religious as IME catholic schools are very strict in their worship etc

They are both academies run by the diocese.

If the school accepts state funding then I think you have every right to choose it.

Pinan- all holy communion/confirmation prep is now done outside of school. By order of a bishop somewhere.

Blackpool- not every school admission is the same. Our is;

A) looked after children
B) baptised practicing catholics
C) other practicing faith (with letter of support from minister)
D) other children (on distance)

Those are oversubscription criteria though, used to allocate places if there are more applications that places.

my children attended a Voluntary Controlled C of E school, which means that while the church is involved to a degree, there are no religious selection criteria.

the school is oversubscribed and has pupils of all faiths and none. Whilst obviously no such rule can be made, it is accepted by the parents of different/no faith that it would be pretty bad form to send your DC to an oversubscribed faith school and then pull them out of religious education or complain about the C of E ethos, even though they might teach their kids differently at home.

certainly when my DC come home telling me XYZ that they've been taught by the vicar, I always add a quick "well, that's what Christians believe" on the end, but wouldn't go further than that.