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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send my kids to a faith school when I don't buy into the ethos?

118 replies

Jesabel · 07/02/2016 21:25

We are moving house soon and looking for a new school for my 2 and 5 year olds. We basically have two choices - one is a community infant school, one is a Catholic primary school.

For various reasons I think the primary school would be the better choice, however we are atheists and actually anti-religion rather than neutral on it.

AIBU to send my kids to a Catholic school anyway?

OP posts:
TheTroubleWithAngels · 07/02/2016 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 07/02/2016 21:47

Are you going to withdrawing them from everything religions, or going in to school to complain over this and that? If not, then it's fine to send them there. Just remember it's a choice you are making so you need to accept it on their terms.

PurpleDaisies · 07/02/2016 21:49

Would you be able to get your kids in without lying about being an atheist? If you can, I don't think you'd be being unreasonable to send them there, provided you then didn't object to the religious aspects of the school that were set out as part of it's ethos.

SoftBlocks · 07/02/2016 21:49

It's your choice but I couldn't do it.

Original poster
Jesabel · 07/02/2016 21:49

My concern is if I go with the infant school, DS would have to change schools again in a year to go the juniors. And the junior school is CofE.

OP posts:
multivac · 07/02/2016 21:50

OP, you could always do what I have done, and make sure you become a governor at the school, with particular responsibility for monitoring RE... Wink

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2016 21:52

You've got the right to send your kids to any state school that is undersubscribed or for which you meet the oversubscription criteria.

I'm an atheist currently pinning all of my hopes for a local education for my son on a poor CofE school.

The state school system is a piecemeal mess of patchy and inconsistent provision. I can't find it in me to judge any parent for making the best of their options.

multivac · 07/02/2016 21:53

I hear you JR.

southeastastra · 07/02/2016 21:53

of course yabu but in the grand scheme of mn threads fuck em

just do what you think is best for your little darlings and force them to go to a school where they have to face a massive cross each morning and pledge allegiance to an invisible being

Yseulte · 07/02/2016 21:53

He could experience a conversion? It worked for Henry IV (of France). Wink

Original poster
Jesabel · 07/02/2016 21:55

The community school is just an infant school though southeastastra.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 07/02/2016 22:02

just do what you think is best for your little darlings and force them to go to a school where they have to face a massive cross each morning and pledge allegiance to an invisible being

...which they'll have to anyway when the kids hit juniors.

Nothing like equitable provision, is there?

Mistigri · 07/02/2016 22:03

I'm an atheist who sent my kids to a catholic primary, for practical reasons.

Didn't have to pretend to be Catholic though. My older child joined in enthusiastically with the religion, and nearly got herself baptised (then went up to secondary and promptly decided it was all mumbo jumbo), younger child refused point blank to have anything to do with the God stuff.

Good school, excellent pastoral care, no regrets.

southeastastra · 07/02/2016 22:05

round here it's just religious schools - religion should have nothing to do with education

captainfarrell · 07/02/2016 22:06

Having been to one, worked in one and sent my children to one, I wouldn't if I was you. The whole ethos is very strong, prayers are said several times a day, there may be in school masses, around Easter and Christmas. It is a lot more faith based that say a Church of England school as the faith tends to be more background in my experience.

christinarossetti · 07/02/2016 22:09

I would choose to send my children to what I considered to be the best school, but I'm not sure if I could face the idea of a heavy daily dose of prayer, grace, biblical texts as gospel (excuse the pun) tbh.

Have you actually been inside the schools? If you can stomach 'lambs of god' and wotnot being all over the place, then it's probably worth going for.

SanityClause · 07/02/2016 22:09

Look at the C of E school, and see if you prefer it to the catholic school. If so, go with the community school, then C of E. If not, or much of a muchness, stick to the Catholic school.

FWIW, my DC had religious education at school (not a church school, but bible stories were taught as fact, particularly in infants and a local vicar would regularly come to assembly, etc) and they have reached the grand old ages of 16, 14 and 12, being just as non-believing as I am. You probably have more influence than you think.

Original poster
Jesabel · 07/02/2016 22:10

What do you think I should do for the best southeast?

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 07/02/2016 22:12

Religious schools are a broad church (again, excuse the pun). There are some in which prayers are said in assembly each day, religious festivals are celebrated etc and those that have prayers several times a day, lunch eaten in silence, religious texts and pictures dominating the displays and materials.

You honestly need to spend time in each school to see which one is the best fit.

MadamDeathstare · 07/02/2016 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tilder · 07/02/2016 22:13

My kids go to a religious school and we don't do god. It's a rural area, next nearest school (also religious ) is 25 minutes drive away.

So we have no real choice. Sounds like you don't really either.

I would be really surprised if all or even most of the families using the schools are religious. Unless you've moved into a Catholic enclave.

Our kids get taught god stuff. That's fine, without understanding how can they make their own choice on god.

We discuss it at home and try to maintain a balance. So far we have 50:50. One believes it, the other is very cynical.

Original poster
Jesabel · 07/02/2016 22:14

I am concerned about 2 changes of school in quick succession for a 6 year old, even if the CofE school ends up being slightly less religious.

OP posts:
queenMab99 · 07/02/2016 22:15

It is the best school because of the ethos ie. the religion.

Original poster
Jesabel · 07/02/2016 22:16

What makes you think that queen?

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 07/02/2016 22:17

Not necessarily queenMa99, even if you are religious.

Have you been to the schools, Jesabel?