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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in really hating holidaying with other families?

34 replies

BourbonChicken · 07/02/2016 13:11

We have been away with quite a few other families over the years. I have come to the conclusion that it's more trouble than it's worth. It's lovely for the kids to have others to play with. Probably a better holiday for them really. However, I cannot stand the having to be with another family 24/7 for days at a time, however nice they might be.

Then, there is the issue of different attitudes to money. I have been away with people who are really tight fisted, which makes me feel guilty if we want to have a nice lunch some where.

Am I just a curmudgeon, or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
bornwithaplasticspoon · 07/02/2016 13:14

We've never done it as we like it to be just us. I'm assuming you share accommodation? How about just staying at the same place but having separate accommodation next time? Kids get to play but you don't have the financial stuff getting in the way.

jay55 · 07/02/2016 13:19

As a kid I remember going on caravan img holidays with people from church, all the families were skint so I don't remember any atmosphere on money.

As an adult no way would I do it.

Oysterbabe · 07/02/2016 13:19

I would never do this. But then I generally don't like people Grin

MaidOfStars · 07/02/2016 13:36

Over the years, we've holidayed with various friends and family.

I always make any expectations clear from the off (for fear it goes unsaid and nobody knows what's 'allowed').

"Right, I know we're all going away together but there's no need to be shy about spending time apart. We will certainly be off for days and dinners without you, and won't be remotely offended if you want to do the same. None of us want to live in eachothers' pocket. Do we want to have a kitty for our time together or would you rather deal with bills separately?"

MissFlight · 07/02/2016 13:38

Yanbu, I've only done it once for a reason. Never again!

Pyjamaface · 07/02/2016 13:41

I go on holiday with various family/friends but we all know there is no compulsion to be with each other the entire time. So if somebody wants to go watch paint dry, you have the option of going along or not. If I want to eat out, I will and I don't mind if everybody else does or not.

whois · 07/02/2016 13:46

These holidays work as long as you have similar parenting styles and similar expectations around doing things separately.

spannerzoo · 07/02/2016 13:53

I've only done it a couple of times with family, and I wouldn't want to do it all the time. My siblings enjoy very different kinds of holiday to me and I get a bit bored when I go on holiday with them, but it's been nice to share a big family trip for the odd special occasion.

When I do go on a shared holiday, I accept that I'm not going to have the kind of holiday that I'd really like, but it's usually a smaller trip and not the main holiday for us, so I know I'm going to have the chance to do more interesting things another time.

I think the money thing can get really complicated with friends. With family, I don't mind so much if things are split a bit unevenly as I'm happy to pay more so my nieces/nephews can enjoy more things. But I wouldn't want to do that for non-relatives.

YaySirNaySir · 07/02/2016 13:54

Yanbu. My best friend and I made a pact never to holiday together with dc even though they get on well enough and we have similar holidays.
Oher friends (who we holidayed with pre dc no problem) dc's are the wrong age anyway.

I hate the word "Kitty". Never had one, it implies asking for pocket money to pay for a few drinks- no thanks.

We've been out with friends for the day plenty with no issues, not often now as our dc are teens.
Our dc nearly always make friends on holiday and get on well enough together if not.

BackforGood · 07/02/2016 14:09

YANBU at all. there are very few families I'd want to go on holiday with. Even with my brother's family who we did holiday with for several years, we always booked 2 cottages / apartments so we were in the same place, but not "living as one".
As MaidofStars said - you have to be very clear what you are thinking, and not assume anything.

busyboysmum · 07/02/2016 14:17

We have a caravan as do several of our friends. We have brilliant holidays away. Having our own space and also doing things together. We go away for mainly weekends and long weekends. I don't think I could do 2 weeks mind you.

jelliebelly · 07/02/2016 14:23

YANBU my idea of hell..

Hygellig · 07/02/2016 14:25

We've been on holiday with extended family but that worked quite well as we each had separate cottages at the same place and did our own thing some of the time.

I've sometimes seen two families staying together in the same cottage. Not sure I would like to do that as I might feel we were in each other's pockets too much - not that I have a close enough friend with similarly aged children to holiday with anyway.

CaptainCrunch · 07/02/2016 14:26

It really depends on the friends. We've holidayed successfully with several other familes but went with one that turned out to be hell on wheels. They didn't want to do anything, the Mum was on some weird diet so me and DH got stiffed with all the cooking whilst she sat with odd conconctions in a bowl away from the rest of the table. We ended up coming home early, it was so shite.

EricNorthmanSucks · 07/02/2016 14:31

We don't generally don't holiday with others.

We have firm ideas of what we want to do/see/eat and spend hours and £s turning those ideas into reality.

I would be annoyed if that had to be compromised.

Seriouslyffs · 07/02/2016 14:33

What Captain says. Worse holiday ever was with a group friends at very different stages. 2 couples with a baby each, a newlywed couple and her 3 single friends. It was awful- at least 3 different schedules and as many diet fads and drinking habits as there were people. Never again.
As part of another group of friends though we've holidayed together year after year. Very homogenous group age education parenting etc.

mummymeister · 07/02/2016 14:36

my idea of absolute hell. I wont even holiday with family other than my dh and dc's. dm and ddad keep hinting about it but in the end I just told them that hell would have to freeze over first and that stopped it.

2rebecca · 07/02/2016 14:36

We only occasionally holiday with others and then prefer small groups and agree in advance who is paying for what, sleeping where and that we don't want to do everything all together all the time. Usually just us though. Agree that seperate apartments in smae place so you can just meet up on an evening works better than all stuck together in a cottage.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/02/2016 14:46

We went abroad with a couple and their daughter and it was horrendous.

They both got roaring drunk on the plane and had a blazing row when we arrived at our apartment. The wife kept us up half the night confessing all the problems they had in their marriage and insisted we help her book the next flight home for her and her dd. She left us with her heartbroken husband who spend the rest of the week drinking, crying or both.

NEVER ever again.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/02/2016 14:49

I love it, but it has to be with the right friends. 20 of us have rented a big Spanish villa this summer, five couples and ten teenage daughters between us Grin, might take a while to get out in the evening!

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/02/2016 14:53

I wouldn't mind occasionally, but DH will not hear of it I think he secretly hates my friends

We have holidayed with family in the past, which is nice - but lose a bit of your independence, you can't always just do your own thing.

hazelnutlatte · 07/02/2016 14:56

YANBU if it's not for you but we have had some great holidays with friends. Usually just for a long weekend though, a week in each other's pockets might be a bit much.
We have small dc and go away with friends with kids a similar age.

VintageTrouble · 07/02/2016 15:11

We do it most years with friends or family, but always have own accomodation, so we rent gites/caravans/apartments by each other rather than live under 1 roof. Kids have friends there, we can socialise, but no one is obliged to put up with anyone.

MajesticWhine · 07/02/2016 15:17

YANBU. It is too difficult to navigate the different things that people want to do and different attitudes to money, time-keeping, eating, drinking, childcare, everything. It's hard enough to try and please everyone in our own immediate family let alone trying to accommodate the needs of another family.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 07/02/2016 15:23

I think it can work if you have:

  • similar budgets
  • similar age children who get on
  • similar parenting styles/attitudes to bedtimes etc on holiday
  • actually like similar holidays and want to go to the same place
  • don't spend 24:7 together

We haven't done it for ages as we've been on a pretty tight budget for the past few years and I didn't feel I wanted to inflict that on anyone else!
Also not many of our friends have similar age children and having done the hard yards through the toddler years I'm not sure I really want to go on holiday with other people's toddlers Grin And now our kids expect to stay up late and we have family dinners in the evening, which I'm not sure would suit the parents of toddlers much either!

We had a terrible camping trip with some friends a few years ago which illustrated perfectly how different people's expectations can be. One of my greatest pleasures when camping is sitting with a coffee after breakfast watching the kids play in a field. This is a lot less relaxing when you have someone demanding you jump up and wash up immediately and then looking at their watch every 5mins and asking if you're nearly ready to go out... (neither family suggested camping again Grin )

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