AIBU to feel so strange and not know what to do?

[musthavebeentimeless]

Went on laptop before, accidentally went on DHs Facebook.

I read his messages (I know.)

The thing was he was joking and laughing with his friend about something that happened years ago but it was something awful and tremendously disrespectful to a woman.

I feel like it might not have actually happened.

But AIBU to feel weird about it, like I want to confront him but also don't.

I feel like I am repulsed by him, by what he said.

Confrontation is the answer - don't bottle it up, tell him what you read and how it's made you feel.

But he will just deny it. Even if he does - I feel like somethings shifted, changed.

Is it that bad? You are anonymous so a bit more info would be helpful OP for us to give an opinion as to what you should do.

What was this thing ?

And why can't you talk to him about it ?

I can't say, I really can't.

It involved pretty awful (sexual) treatment of a vulnerable person though.

So basically your dh is laughing, joking about a possible sexual attack on a vulnerable person? Was he involved from what you can see?

More information required - was he joking about assault of some kind?
Something sexual/illegal/abhorrent?

Well that sounds like several shades of shit

I would confront him about it. Can you do that ?

Cross-posted, oops. He was joking about sexual assault? CONFRONT him for goodness sake!

You have to talk about it or forget about it. Obviously it has disturbed you a lot so the latter is not going to be an option.

I'd ask him about it.

Not assault - AF, I think he'd just deny it. I do think, possibly, that it didn't happen at all (maybe just wishful thinking) but it kind of doesn't matter. Even if he just thinks it's a funny story it changes how I see him. Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense

I'm glad you said that, because if this thing happened - I couldn't go near him again. But if it didn't happen and part of me thinks it didn't, but even if he just thinks if it had happened it would be funny, it's still wrong. It still makes him a repulsive person.

Repulsive is as repulsive does...right ?

I've still no idea what to do about it.

What was it? :( I was raped when I was 14, the repercussions of that we're huge. I had a concealed pregnancy, depression even now, trouble with future pregnancies etc.

If that wanker and his mates were laughing about what he did it me, If their wife found out, I'd want to know she would do something iyswim.

Sorry this is a bit of a sore subject for me.

Nothing technically illegal, it involved a sex worker.

Sorry to hear that Esme

Actually timeless, I am not sure I want to know what he was minimising and joking about

You know if you want to be with someone who can do that. The ball is in your court.

Musthave if it was me I'd have to confront him about it.

A sex worker is still a human with basic rights. blood boils

Thanks AF was a while ago now but still hurts alot

Yes, I am feeling some proper hate for this man right now. I am very glad I am not in a relationship with him.

I'm single so could be wrong about this but ... isn't reading someone's private fb messages a massive violation?

I can understand you feeling sick to the stomach about it but I don't think I could confront him as I would know I was in the wrong as far as the relationship was concerned (though obv he is in the wrong with his values/sense of humour).

I didn't say, imply, for a second a sex worker is not someone with human rights! I am questioning my entire marriage because of what I saw, and I feel somehow like I'm the one who's done something awful now.