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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told off colleague for using disabled toilet

454 replies

loopsylala · 04/02/2016 10:03

I have a disability and often can't get into the toilet at work as its being used by people changing clothes etc.

I mentioned it to hr who put a sign up but that's been removed.

Just caught someone using it. I asked if he was disabled, he said no but that the other toilets are sometimes full. I said that didn't matter, as he shouldn't be using the disabled toilet.

I'm worried now I will get into trouble. I've complained about this so many times and don't want to be seen as a trouble maker or that it's "my" toilet.

I hate confrontation and want to get on with my colleagues.

Could I have handled it better?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 12:59

Jets?! Keys.

Owllady · 04/02/2016 13:01

Well I still think his cat had died so he went in there for a cry Hmm

catsinthecraddle · 04/02/2016 13:03

So the OP is the only person of (how many on the floor?) who has a registered disability with HR, so can have her own private toilets whilst the rest of the world must queue.

What a charming person you are.

OP, I even rushed to the toilets a couple of times to burst out in tears whilst I was safely hidden because I lost a baby. I do feel terribly sorry for all your colleagues with health issues, temporary problems or things they DO NOT want to discuss with HR.

Enjoy your private toilet, I hope it's worth it.

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 13:03

61 people share 2 mens and 2 ladies, and you think you should have a locked bathroom entirely to yourself?
Thats just crazy.

QuintessentialShadows · 04/02/2016 13:03

That was exactly my point further down, 61 people on 3 toilets, plus 1 with her own loo, surely there are not enough loos then.

MackerelOfFact · 04/02/2016 13:04

YABVU to ask him if he has a disability! What business is it of yours?! Maybe he doesn't want to share that he has an ileostomy or arthritis or prostate cancer or any number of medical complaints that he's absolutely not obliged to provide you with any details of whatsoever.

If it has a lock which disabled people have been given the key to then it's quite possible he had a key, isn't it?

I'm sorry you were inconvenienced, and if he wasn't disabled then yes, he should have been using the men's facilities, obviously. But questioning people leaving the cubicle isn't the way to address it. Get back onto HR to fix the lock and get the sign permanently reinstated.

Owllady · 04/02/2016 13:05

RIP Tibby Flowers

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 04/02/2016 13:06

My mum is disabled, and when she needs the loo, she needs it NOW. She can go from not needing the loo to needing it urgently within seconds.

The posters suggesting OP just waits a few minutes until it's free are being U.

If people are using it for hair, makeup etc - that's disgraceful. A disabled employee could end up having an accident due to you putting your make up on!

As for employees picking the lock to get in - ffs. That's ridiculous.

I'd go back to HR stating the problem again.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 04/02/2016 13:07

By the sounds of it, they need to put more other toilets in the building

Fratelli · 04/02/2016 13:07

Wow hr were massively unreasonable to disclose medical information! I am not disabled but I have a medical condition meaning I sometimes need access to a toilet immediately. If someone challenged me about using a disabled toilet I would be shocked and embarrassed and would not disclose my condition to them. Yanbu for going to hr but yabu for questioning him.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 04/02/2016 13:27

HR are going to deal with it and have confirmed the names I gave them are not on record as needing to use these toilets

Well yes, of course. I would more surprised if HR had replied 'Oh yes, Dave has got a disability, and that bloke on the 3rd floor, he's got one too.'

Did you know the person in the bathroom today was using it 'illegally'?

I don't know OP. In some ways I hear you, but your comment don't want to be seen as a trouble maker or that it's "my" toilet isn't panning out too well, according to your updates.

Are you happy for other people to use the bathroom who absolutely need to? Even if they're not visibly or no visibly disabled?

sparechange · 04/02/2016 13:28

coffeecoffee
But the OP has said there are several disabled people in the office. So someone has the same problem as your mum, there is no guarantee the toilet wouldn't be legitimately occupied.

People are conflating accessible toilets with toilets for disabled people. When offices put in 'disabled' toilets, they are putting in ones that are wheelchair accessible. In my old office, there was only one, and it was on the ground floor (no lift), so someone with a hidden disability who was mobile enough to work on the 2rd floor wouldn't be very well served by having that toilet reserved for their exclusive use, when there were 3 non-accessible ones on their floor

TheFairyCaravan · 04/02/2016 13:32

I hate MN at times and this is one of those times. The only thing the OP did wrong was ask the man if he was disabled. Disabled toilets are for people with disabilities and additional needs including continence needs.

The term accessible/accessibility relates to disabled people, not everyone. [[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accessibility Here]].

Why do so many people want to use the disabled toilet? I really don't understand. There is usually one, or maybe two, in comparison to a dozen or so cubicles/urinals in a shopping centre, but still the disabled toilet is preferable? There's a lot of disabled people about and yes we do wait to use the toilet, but why should we have to wait while every Tom, Dick and Harry uses it because they've got their pram, their kids, it's nearer, there wasn't any disabled people in the vicinity etc, etc?

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 13:34

No she hasn't, sparechange,she said she is actually the only one on her floor on the "official list" and who has a key. Ergo she thinks the toilet is for her and just her.

I just can't get over the idea of expecting people to apply to be granted permission to use any particular toilet. There is no way I would be discussing my needs in that way, its simply appalling to have such a requirement.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/02/2016 13:39

*BoffinMum Thu 04-Feb-16 12:54:09
I am so relaxed it's horizontal about other people using them. *

Thats probably because it doesn't affect you.

It affected me when my DD couldnt get in because of able bodied people using them and she screamed and lay on the floor until they came out though. Sounds like it affects the OP too.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/02/2016 13:42

OP you really had a toilet related accident today just in middle of this thread?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/02/2016 13:43

anyway whatever is going on this thread has revealed some pretty crappy attitudes to disability on MN...

Again

Original poster
loopsylala · 04/02/2016 13:43

We have many members of the public visiting our offices, any floor and they may need to use the disabled toilets too. It looks bad for our organisation if they can't due to misuse. Our facilities manager has a key as do the disabled employees.

OP posts:
Vaginaaa · 04/02/2016 13:45

Are they going to require members of the public and visitors to join an official list to be allowed into the toilet? That won't look great either.

Anomaly · 04/02/2016 13:46

All staff toilets at my work are disabled toilets. By the reasoning here I cannot go to the loo at work!

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 13:46

Do the visiting public also need to state exactly why they need it, to be granted use of the key? And does the facilities manager follow the visitors round all day in case they need the key?

It's ridiculous.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 13:47

op any chance you could answer my question about what type of lock it is? I can't see how your average office employee could pick a standard lock in order to access a disabled loo. If you've exaggerated a bit that's fine but I think it might be best to clarify the situation.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 04/02/2016 13:49

Yabu

He may not have wanted to discuss a hidden potentially embarrassing disability or illness with an overbearing colleague

Yes object to people getting changed etc, but to using the toilet as a toilet? No.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 13:49

All staff toilets at my work are disabled toilets. By the reasoning here I cannot go to the loo at work!

Clearly that's not the same situation.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/02/2016 13:49

isn't it a fire hazard if someone picks and jams the lock if someone is in there?

do they have cctv in this area? (outside teh loos obviously ) can they catch them.that way

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