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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told off colleague for using disabled toilet

454 replies

loopsylala · 04/02/2016 10:03

I have a disability and often can't get into the toilet at work as its being used by people changing clothes etc.

I mentioned it to hr who put a sign up but that's been removed.

Just caught someone using it. I asked if he was disabled, he said no but that the other toilets are sometimes full. I said that didn't matter, as he shouldn't be using the disabled toilet.

I'm worried now I will get into trouble. I've complained about this so many times and don't want to be seen as a trouble maker or that it's "my" toilet.

I hate confrontation and want to get on with my colleagues.

Could I have handled it better?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/02/2016 12:00

Why do people keep saying this? Is it beyond the wit of man to work out that you shouldn't use disabled toilets if you don't need to, because there may well be disabled people who simply cannot wait in the way others normally can?

it seems so veritat

BaldricksTurnip · 04/02/2016 12:00

That's the point though isn't it? You can't define need in someone you don't know anything about, therefore you should reserve judgement.

ValiantVelvet · 04/02/2016 12:01

And sometimes there are times that 'normal' people can't wait either. I've used a disabled loo when I had a bladder infection- If I'd waited, I would have wet myself.

MyBigFatGreekYoghurt · 04/02/2016 12:01

Wow Yes YABU!

I'm not disabled but I have ulcerative colitis. I often have uncontrollable diarreah if I'm in a flare up.

If the other loos are busy then I use the disabled one because sorry but I don't want shit running down my leg in public more than I can help it.

If have been mortified to be quizzed on my use of the toilet.

Sirzy · 04/02/2016 12:02

The reason disabled toilets are locked is because so many selfish Sod's use them when they don't need to.

Personally I would love to see the radar scheme used more widely without keys being available on eBay to make it so the toilets are available and in as good a state as possible for those who need them.

MerdeAlor · 04/02/2016 12:04

Like the poster above, I have a hidden disability and so does my DS.
I would utterly mortified and angry if we were challenged about going into a disabled toilet.
Things like this are a lot easier when out in the mobility scooter, no-one would bat a eyelid then.

I don't have a problem with anyone using a disabled toilet, they may well have a hidden disability. Even if they didn't I would only have to wait a few seconds to access it. Meh, it's not worth the upset.

Parking spaces - now that's different.

firesidechat · 04/02/2016 12:04

Criminal damage? Where?

Disabled loos aren't there for the sole use of disabled people though are they? They are special loos that disabled people can use.

Even if only disabled people use it there is no guarantee that a disabled loo will be free when you need it.

There are plenty of people who wouldn't be classed as disabled, but who may need a loo urgently. Who decides which need is more important?

Veritat · 04/02/2016 12:04

But, Baldricks, you said "However the fact that the toilets have additional facilities doesn't mean that they shouldn't be used as a normal toilet if the need arises and there aren't any others available." My point was that one person's actual need for the toilet is rather different from another person who may be slightly uncomfortable but who can perfectly well wait rather than use the disabled facilities. All OP is saying is that people who don't need the toilet shouldn't use it - and given that some are using it for changing and putting on make-up, or simply because they don't fancy waiting, manifestly she's right.

Veritat · 04/02/2016 12:05

And sometimes there are times that 'normal' people can't wait either. I've used a disabled loo when I had a bladder infection- If I'd waited, I would have wet myself.

Presumably, though, in that situation you wouldn't wait to pick the lock.

Samcro · 04/02/2016 12:05

wow the jealousy over a toilet....mn at its best

QuintessentialShadows · 04/02/2016 12:06

So, 62 people sharing 4 toilets between them, surely the chances are high that somebody is using a toilet when you need to go?

Or are you saying that that 60 odd people should share 3 toilets, while you and the other disabled person are the only ones to have access to the disabled loo?

Does a disabled loo mean it is solely for the disabled, or does it mean that the toilet facilities are accessible and?

Do you think that it means you should never have to wait to use a toilet?

Many coffee shops have ONE loo, and it has disabled access, often with baby changing facilities. Does that mean that only disabled people can use the loo in the coffee shop? Or does it mean that the loo is accessible for everyone?

LurkingHusband · 04/02/2016 12:06

Criminal damage? Where?

The deliberate removal of the sign up by the company is criminal damage.

Veritat · 04/02/2016 12:07

I'm not disabled but I have ulcerative colitis. I often have uncontrollable diarreah if I'm in a flare up.

If the other loos are busy then I use the disabled one because sorry but I don't want shit running down my leg in public more than I can help it.

But, MyBig, you meet the criteria for use of the disabled facilities fair and square, so surely you would agree that others who don't qualify shouldn't be using it?

firesidechat · 04/02/2016 12:07

Does a disabled loo mean it is solely for the disabled, or does it mean that the toilet facilities are accessible and?

This ^

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 12:08

Many coffee shops have ONE loo, and it has disabled access, often with baby changing facilities. Does that mean that only disabled people can use the loo in the coffee shop? Or does it mean that the loo is accessible for everyone?

The ones I've seen have a sign on the door with men, women, disabled and baby change symbols on it. I'd happily use one of those but I wouldn't use one with just a disabled logo on it unless is was an absolute emergency.

firesidechat · 04/02/2016 12:10

But we don't know who removed the sign or why.

Is the simple removal of a sign (no damage was mentioned) in a private place of work criminal damage?

Veritat · 04/02/2016 12:12

Or are you saying that that 60 odd people should share 3 toilets, while you and the other disabled person are the only ones to have access to the disabled loo?

No: OP said there were 62 people on her floor but not normally all there at once; and there are four cubicles plus one disabled. I suspect there are also urinals in the gents. It will hardly hurt the non-disabled ones if they have to wait a minute or two before using a loo, nor would it hurt them to use the facilities on another floor. On the other hand, it will hurt someone with IBS to be unable to access the disabled loo because some idiot is in there doing their make-up.

MaidOfStars · 04/02/2016 12:14

In my building, every single loo is a large, unisex, disabled-access/fitted individual room, with ample changing space and, in about 50%, wetroom shower facilities.

I am always in two minds about using disabled loos. I used to do so with the attitude that they are simply to provide an accessible loo. I'm ashamed that I didn't really consider the potential problem of urgency.

OP, I think it was a bad move to query his disability status. Especially given yours are hidden. A note to HR/estates might be a better idea.

BaldricksTurnip · 04/02/2016 12:15

Yes and I'm saying that you cannot quantify or define 'need' in somebody else if you know nothing about them. Disabled toilets just have additional facilities to assist people if they need that extra assistance. Everybody using a toilet needs it don't they?

Sirzy · 04/02/2016 12:19

If you don't need to use the disabled facilities you shouldn't. If you have a disability which means you can't use the normal toilet or you can't wait then that's what they are for. Not for people who just can't be arsed waiting, I am amazed how many people can't see that

LurkingHusband · 04/02/2016 12:19

Is the simple removal of a sign (no damage was mentioned) in a private place of work criminal damage?

Yes. "Damage" has been amended to any action which prevents something working as intended (this was after people were caught putting bags over speed cameras. They weren't "damaged", but courts decided to redefine damage).

Immaterial whether it's in a private or public place.

Anyway, this is arguing over angels on pinheads. For me, the fact there are employees who are so cavalier with reasonable requests from HR strikes me as close to something like insubordination - it's certainly not respecting the workplace.

If my employer put up a sign - regardless of intent, or content - and it was unscrewed and put in a bin, there would be an investigation, and if a culprit could be identified, at least a written warning. If it was H&S related, or statutory (e.g. no smoking, or regarding fire exits/extinguishers) then it would be gross misconduct. No ifs, buts, or maybes, and there's the door.

Or am I being the dick here ?

TheCatsMeow · 04/02/2016 12:20

Right, I'm disabled, I've been challenged using disabled loos.

OP shouldn't have asked but if he genuinely isn't disabled he shouldn't use it

rosaDiaz · 04/02/2016 12:20

Don't believe for a second the locks have been picked Hmm who does that?!

AIBU?
Yes
No I'm not!

TheCatsMeow · 04/02/2016 12:21

Sirzy exactly.

Only on MN are disabled loos not for the disabled.

Soapmaker34 · 04/02/2016 12:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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