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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told off colleague for using disabled toilet

454 replies

loopsylala · 04/02/2016 10:03

I have a disability and often can't get into the toilet at work as its being used by people changing clothes etc.

I mentioned it to hr who put a sign up but that's been removed.

Just caught someone using it. I asked if he was disabled, he said no but that the other toilets are sometimes full. I said that didn't matter, as he shouldn't be using the disabled toilet.

I'm worried now I will get into trouble. I've complained about this so many times and don't want to be seen as a trouble maker or that it's "my" toilet.

I hate confrontation and want to get on with my colleagues.

Could I have handled it better?

OP posts:
jay55 · 04/02/2016 10:33

Yanbu I've worked several places where the men use the disabled loo to shit. Making it utterly unpleasant for those that have to use it and meaning those that have to use it have to wait longer.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/02/2016 10:34

They need a better lock....

I can't however help buy feel the whole idea of having to apply to get a key is unnecessarily humiliating if you have to go onto details when it's not obvious.

not sure what the solution is tbh

they shouldn't he picking locks though and they are docks for not waiting themselves and hogging a toilet they don't need.

but no one has right to press someone if they are disabled or not

catsinthecraddle · 04/02/2016 10:35

completely unreasonable.

Fair enough to ask HR to remind people to use the changing room/ shower room to get changed, but it's not on to tell off someone like that.

Poor guy, for all you know, he is really embarrassed by a private issue. OP, you do appear like a trouble maker with "YOUR" toilet I am afraid. You don't even have to look at disabilities, if a woman suffers from really heavy periods and is rushing to the toilets to change her pad before it becomes embarrassing, why couldn't she use the first available toilet? The list of reasonable issues could go on.

I am the only female on a male-only floor, and a couple of guys use the ladies toilet (separately!). When asked, they told me that MY toilet was cleaner, and pretty much always empty. I would have been more entitled to raise a fuss than you are!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 04/02/2016 10:36

Yabu asking him if he is disabled. People don't have to share anything about their medical situation with you just because you have nominated yourself as toilet police

This. If someone confronted me to ask if 'I was disabled', I would be highly unlikely to share details with the person who had asked. Very inappropriate, OP.

Samcro · 04/02/2016 10:37

"I would have been more entitled to raise a fuss than you are"

why?
people picking a lock to use a disabled toilet is not the same as men using a womens toilet

ElderlyKoreanLady · 04/02/2016 10:37

Erm...if they're so desperate for the loo that they're picking locks rather than waiting for the next free loo that they're allowed to use, they're very desperate. Hmm

NNalreadyinuse · 04/02/2016 10:37

Easy access loos exist so that peoples with disabilities are not disadvantaged. They have the same access to the loo as everybody else.

Most people accept that sometimes you need to queue when using a public loo. That someone else was in there when you wanted to go, means that you were in the same position as everyone else in your workplace. Neither advantaged or disadvantaged, which is fair surely?

Lots of people without disability need to use the loo urgently. Off the top of my head, people with bladder/bowel issues, pg women. If the other loos were full then I think it is mean to object to people using the easy access one.

If there is a choice though, I think it is polite and considerate to leave the easy access ones available for people who don't have a choice.

ilovesooty · 04/02/2016 10:37

Picking locks? If this is true it's s disciplinary issue. Go back to HR in writing and ensure that this is addressed without the need to confront other people.

EssentialHummus · 04/02/2016 10:38

You had no right to ask him if he was disabled. He has no obligation to answer you. I think I can empathise with your frustration if this has been going on for a while, but I don't agree with your approach.

Please go back to HR and put pressure on them to sort it, put up a more permanent sign, tamper-proof locks, whatever.

PouletDePrintemps · 04/02/2016 10:39

A sign was put up which was very shortly after found in the bin
A lock was added and disabled staff given the key, non disabled staff puck the lock to get in.

WTF. Where the hell do you work? I cannot imagine staff in any place I have worked picking the lock of a disabled toilet (or any other lock for that matter).

If the management has put a lock on the door to stop what they consider to be improper use of the toilet, then what message does it send to the staff when the management ignore that the lock has been picked and their instructions ignored?

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2016 10:39

I have to say that as much as they are out of order to use the loo as a changing room, I'm mightily impressed at their lock picking skills?! Shock

Perhaps you could suggest to HR, that they change it for a radar key thingy?

ConesOfDunshire · 04/02/2016 10:39

I asked if he was disabled

You really can't do that.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 10:40

How do you know people are picking locks to get in to the toilet op? It seems more likely to be a rumour.

Original poster
loopsylala · 04/02/2016 10:42

Ok I do realise now I should not have asked him that...now what Sad

OP posts:
Owllady · 04/02/2016 10:42

Op. Go and apologise to the bloke. Then come back here and tell everyone you have apologised
Tomorrow morning people will still be replying to the OP saying you were out of order, he might have ibs, his mum might be ill, his cat might have died.
I'd give up tbh

DixieNormas · 04/02/2016 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 04/02/2016 10:43

Sorry OP but who the hell do you think you are, asking someone if they are disabled! Absolutely appalling behaviour, and I wouldn't be at all suprised if your colleague reported you. Massively crossing the line!

I too have IBD, and whilst I don't class myself as disabled by it, if I need to go l, I need to go and have zero qualms about using an ACCESSIBLE toilet. If I was then accosted as I came out and was challenged as to whether or not I have a disability, I would hit the roof.

How would you feel if someone did it to you?!

catsinthecraddle · 04/02/2016 10:43

So people should sheepishly make a formal request to HR to have a special key to access disabled toilets, when they might need them but don't want to tell the world about it?

Some people's attitude are disgusting. Toilet issues can be a very embarrassing issue for some people.

OP, if special keys are given to just enough people not to break the law about access, and you are made to queue for "YOUR" toilet, what are you going to do then?

AlwaysHopeful1 · 04/02/2016 10:44

You should go and apologize to him. Still can't believe you had the audacity to ask him that.

Janeymoo50 · 04/02/2016 10:45

If I was in the middle of one of my periods from hell where I suddenly get a huge flood and have to rush to the nearest loo to "clean up", then I'm going to use any loo there is free (not the male one). But YANBU about people using it as a changing room. YABU if you think it's "your loo".

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 10:46

There shouldn't be locked toilets in the workplace anyway.

And who decides who gets a key? Would I have to go and describe my problems to management and they will decide if I am allowed one or not? How humiliating would that be?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 04/02/2016 10:48

IF you've complained about this 'so many times' and there's signs in bins and the lock picking (have i got that right?), then it's possible that you have got people's backs up and there's a silent battle for the right to use the loo going on.

In all the places I've worked, there's never been a 'ban' on people using the easy access bathroom, but everyone is encouraged to be thoughtful about it, and that usually works. I've certainly never come across this kind of situation in a workplace, to be honest.

ScarlettDarling · 04/02/2016 10:48

Hmmm, tricky one. I often use the disabled loo at my school as it's closer to my classroom than the other toilets and we don't have anyone in school who requires the disabled loo at present.

I totally understand you being annoyed by it, esp as there's a changing room right next door to it. But does it really inconvenience you or is it just the principle of it?

Katenka · 04/02/2016 10:51

Oh ffs he told her he wasn't disabled and was using it because all the other toilets were full

Firstly she had no right to ask that. At all. I am shocked anyone could support that.

Secondly he may not have felt comfortable divulging anything to a colleague.

He could have health issues like ibs that meant he couldn't wait, but that doesn't not classify him as disabled.

HitsAndMrs · 04/02/2016 10:55

YABU - of course disabled people need access to a larger toilet facility but some people get far too possessive and think they shouldn't have to wait to use one.

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