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Original poster

to have told off colleague for using disabled toilet

454 replies

loopsylala · 04/02/2016 10:03

I have a disability and often can't get into the toilet at work as its being used by people changing clothes etc.

I mentioned it to hr who put a sign up but that's been removed.

Just caught someone using it. I asked if he was disabled, he said no but that the other toilets are sometimes full. I said that didn't matter, as he shouldn't be using the disabled toilet.

I'm worried now I will get into trouble. I've complained about this so many times and don't want to be seen as a trouble maker or that it's "my" toilet.

I hate confrontation and want to get on with my colleagues.

Could I have handled it better?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 05/02/2016 23:58

Sorry to overshare but that post gave me the rage

VinoTintoPorFavor · 06/02/2016 00:00

MrsJayy that was uncalled for... You're making assumptions and jumping to conclusions....

RollerGirl7 · 06/02/2016 00:04

People (all people) should be encouraged to use toilets appropriately and quickly (some disabled people might be slower, some with uc might take more time, some young girls might take 6 minutes to put a tampon in, some people are nervous if there's others in the directly next cubicle) but if all people were considerate of others and encouraged not to change, make up or text in toilets life should get better for everyone.

I wouldn't want to make able bodied women uncomfortable by demanding they stand in line for 5 minutes because I feel like a certain toilet is 'mine'.

Sometime people can't wait, sometimes they can. Best thing to do is use all the toilets available so that queues are processed quicker.

Leaving a toilet free when you need to go on the off chance the 1 women in the office will come along in the next 2 mins seems ridiculous. I appreciate it will be shit for her if she does come along in that time and desperately needs to go but that sort of thing happens to disabled and non disabled people alike occasionally.

DixieNormas · 06/02/2016 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 06/02/2016 00:16

Saying a disabled person can wait is making assumptions though a reglular public toilet block has say 10 toilets and there is 1 disabled toilet so the minority has to wait. I am sorry my post made you uncomfortable but for some people thats their life and you get off the cuff comments like some on here shows that people dont reallyunderstand anything,
equality doesnt not mean we all stand in the same toilet queue disabled people dont want perferential treatment they just want to go to a suitible toilet and get on with their day like everybody else yet time and time again I and many other posters are on these damn threads defending our right to pee.

MrsJayy · 06/02/2016 00:21

That was a reply to vino

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 06/02/2016 00:36

Yanbu this is a massive bugbear for me. They should make the disabled loo only accessible via a radar key. People who are not disabled do not understand how distressing it can be when you need to access the loo and have the extra space, waiting ages and then a perfectly able person waltzes out. I have challenged people before to be told that the toilets should be for everyone and why should disabled people get preferential treatment, my response is try being disabled and struggle with everything able people take for granted, I'd give anything to not have a disability as I'm sure every disabled person would but I really believe that we should have toilets just for our use and they should all be radar accessible to ensure that only disabled people use them, it's disgusting the way people who are not disabled believe they should be able to use the disabled loos!!!

VinoTintoPorFavor · 06/02/2016 00:43

MrsJayy this is what was uncalled for:
You know Rollergirl when you clutch your own bag of piss underyour top so it doesnt fall on the floor in front of a roomful of people then and only then do you have the right to say disabled people can wait for a toilet you know fuck all about it
In the post you were objecting to, RollerGirl had bemoaned the fact that some people use toilets for things other than, well, going to the toilet, and that is annoying for anyone who needs to go. She didn't say it was OK for disabled people to wait. And you didn't know whether she had any disabilities or not.
Which leads me on to...
Another poster who complains about 'a perfectly able person waltzes out' and all the other variations we've seen on this (the TABs abuse it, an able bodied person came out, etc etc). We've been over hidden disabilities so many times, and yet still there are people who probably should know better who complain about this...

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madhairday · 06/02/2016 09:23

What's happened to MN? This thread has sickened me.

Yes, the OP is unreasonable for challenging the man. She admitted she was.

But apart from that, of course she is not being unreasonable. She is not being entitled and wanting one loo for herself Hmm she is merely trying to make sure she can reasonably use the loo with her disability. All those saying it's fine to use the disabled toilet if others are full - if everyone did that, then there would be no reasonable adjustment for the person with disabilities, who is often unable to wait. They might be incontinent. They might have a bowel condition. They might have heart or lung disease and be unable to stand for more than a minute or two, or have arthritis and be in a hideous amount of pain, or any number of things which means they cannot wait in a queue like most folk are able to.

Reasonable adjustment is not like giving a level playing field and saying 'disabled folk can wait like everyone else, why should they be any different? It's not FAIR!' But instead it's making sure people with disabilities and health conditions are given opportunity to live life as well as possible, and that involves having easy access to a facility which won't be clogged up by people putting make up on or just popping in because the others were full.

There is an overwhelming lack of empathy on this thread and staggering ignorance about what having a disability is really like.

Op, you know you shouldn't have challenged the man but you're right to challenge the situation. Your HR are acting badly but need to do something to tackle the problem.

All those talking about nipping in to the loo and how it doesn't matter, disabled people can surely wait - you sound jealous and bitter that anyone should have a facility that makes it easier for them. Would you like the disability? No? Thought not. The don't abuse the facility.

Owllady · 06/02/2016 09:36

Madhairday :) good post

DixieNormas · 06/02/2016 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 06/02/2016 09:41

Madhairday you are right it's othering and quite sad really

MrsJayy · 06/02/2016 09:43

The sign and the fact people were using the nice spacious toilet was being used as a changing room has been forgotten.

Sirzy · 06/02/2016 09:57

madhair is spot on with her post.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:00

There is indeed lots of othering on MN:

"This isn't about disability" "you always bring disability into it" etc.

bruffin · 06/02/2016 10:22

The whole point of this thread was we dont know if the man was just using it for changing or not. You all claim to know about hidden disability yet you automatically assume that this man was abusing the system, even when many posters said they wouldnt declare their disability if confronted.
FWIW my dh was registered disabled at work, for one company so they could may adjustments for him. He could probably get the same at his current place of work but doesnt need it at the momentbut it would not really be anyone elses business.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 11:11

No the whole point is the OP said about 2 posts in that she was wrong on that and people continued to pile in on her and tell her it wasn't "her toilet" for days like dicks.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 11:13

Whether the man in OP had a hidden disability or not (and the OP acknowledged she shouldn't have asked him) everyone we using the toilet to change out of cycling gear because the other one was full or do their hair etc and ripping notes down from HR asking them to keep it free if possible.

No wonder the OP was pissed off.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 11:15

It sounds like there's a culture of not respecting the OPs special need for the toilet.

If the guy did have a hidden disability then it's a shame but he is also a victim of the culture which thinks disabled toilets are free for all.

Like there is on Mn where people go on about it "not being a right" and "it's a favour but anyone can use them".

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 11:16

The OP said herself she just got to end of tether and the poor guy got it. And acknowledged he shouldn't have.

People just like to pile in and bully OPs

KakiFruit · 06/02/2016 11:29

Fanjo I've put you down on my spreadsheet as a HDD because of your love of spreadsheets and for stupid posts like this:

She does know what that guy had going on. Nothing.

Anyone who appreciates there are hidden disabilities knows that the OP knows fuck all about what this guy had going on.

Owllady · 06/02/2016 11:31

She also said she wasn't very well on Thursday :(

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 11:31

I was responding to someone else who said she knew that guy was able bodied.

But if she didn't she didn't and then I saw she acknowledged that.

You know where you can shove your spreadsheet anyway

MrsJayy · 06/02/2016 11:31

Yeah everything you said Fanjo but you will be wrong and sensitive and defensive and all the rest of dismissive words that are flung about

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