To think the upstairs neighbour should put their child to bed at night?

[WishICouldThinkOfACoolUsername]

Just that really. Upstairs (new build flat) have a young child (not 100% sure of age but preschool - probably about 3/4) who starts running about the flat like a lunatic every night about 7.30 pm. This can go on for several hours - often until between 10 - 11 pm. Last night this was still going on when I went to bed, I fell asleep and then was woken after midnight by a particularly loud thump followed by more running about. If I don't have TV or music on, I can hear squealing to accompany the running - the running itself is always audible - even with the TV louder than I'd necessarily choose to have it.

I'm well aware that living in a flat means that some noise from walking, hoovering, washing machine etc is unavoidable, but AIBU to think that allowing your child to run around and jump off furniture is a bit much? Obviously I can't see that the child is doing this, but the fact that there's a loud thump often accompanied by my light fittings swinging is making me think that's what's happening!

WWYD if I'm not BU? I think a child of that age should be in bed at that time of night personally! DP wants to go knock on the door and complain...

whatever their choice of routine or circumstances dictating different timings to what is considered bedtime, they shouldn't be allowing their child to cause a disturbance that late at night.

if you do speak to the neighbours I'd start of politely and just explain it's disrupting your sleep.

they'd not be much they could do if the chikd was crying or ill but they cab Tey and keep him.quiet if he's just awake and playing

YABU, you live in a flat - these noises happen. You say yourself, you don't really know anything about the child, the parent/s etc - and your husband wants to go around to complain? I would find that really inimidating, especially since I would probably be at the end of my own tether. I would also be then having anxiety everytime my child moved, just incase I had more complaints. It won't be forever, 10pm is late but not unreasonable. Personally I think you should either bear it or move. or find a nicer way to voice your complaints.

I'd complain. They probably don't know the effect it's having on you.

You need to let them now how noisy this is.

There are some common reasons why a kid doesn't sleep at night. DS2 is often up at stupid o'clock - he has ASD and his sleep occasionally goes wonky. Some kids with ASD do this every night.

When he's having a sleepless night, though, we tend to have the lights low and put something fairly hypnotic on the TV - Vintage TV or teleshopping, preferably involving Karcher products, tends to do the trick. One of us then hunkers down on the sofa with him.

This is well beyond what I would consider a reasonable level of noise. As you said OP - hoovering, washing machine, walking about, even crying babies are all noises you have to learn to tolerate if you live in a flat. A toddler running and jumping about for hours on end? No way. I think you're being completely reasonable to be hacked off by that type of noise.

I think you should have a word with them - take Giles's advice about starting off calmly and explain clearly what the problem is. Assume that they will be reasonable about it rather than being defensive from the start, then see how it goes. They can't do anything about it unless you let them know how much its impacting on you.

11pm until 7am is unsociable hours any noise at other times you need to just suck it up unfortunately.

Have you spoken to them?

You can't demand the child is in bed at a certain time. You really don't know what is going on. DS who has always been a perfect sleeper is currently going through a night owl phase. They don't have a magic switch that turns them off at a predetermined time.

I'd complain about the noise but now about their parenting style which is none of your business.

I don't think yabu at all. You live in a flat and so need to be aware of other people, but so do they.
You are going to get slated by the my child my rules lot though.
I live in a flat and sometimes think I am far too accommodating. I even gag the bloody cat if he miaows.

YANBU but it may be out of their control.

One of my DC was like that (thankfully not in a flat) and if anyone had had a 'cure' to offer me I'd have bitten their hand off.

And the alternative to the running would have been screaming and crying.

Which is worse?

You're right Later. Being aware of noise should work both ways. I'm sure your cat causes no problems at all

Oh dear you dont live under me do you? New build flat, sleepless toddler who runs about

could also be that due to their work patterns mean they are in bed early or sleeping at times during the day and be unaware of the fact he is up.

could be as simple as teaching him how to use the tv having pre set it a reasonable volume.

I k ow my dp would sleep through an earth quake

YABU

Is there a parent alive who wants their child running around till all hours? My DD is now an adult and has never gone to bed before 2.00 am and not from lack of trying from me. I'd bet my jar of nutella that the parents are more fed up with it than you.

Thanks for the responses - interested to see a mix.

MrsGB - I'm not talking about what I consider to be "ordinary" noise, where the child maybe runs about for 5 mins, or runs from one room to the next, I'm talking about constant heavy duty running and jumping for 3-5 hours at a time. I'm exhausted listening to it, I have no idea how the child has enough energy to sustain the levels of movement for that length of time, but the fact remains that it really is negatively impacting on our ability to sit and do normal things like watch TV/have a conversation! I agree that 10 pm is probably not unreasonable, but surely past midnight is?

Lotta and Giles yes, I agree that a softly softly approach would be the way to go - I have no intention of either of us knocking on the door to say "your child needs to be in bed" but was thinking more along the lines of "would it be possible to keep the running/jumping about to a minimum after about 8 pm?" I know that's not late - but that's the only time in the day where we really have time to spend relaxing, and it's certainly not relaxing at the moment!

I'm getting that some people think IBU which is fair enough - but if you remove my comments about the child being in bed (which I completely accept is just my opinion and that there may be valid reasons why that is not the case) and focus on the noise, does that change things?

I really don't think yabu. Living in flats you do need to be considerate of others. I would support saying something, maybe they're not aware the sound is travelling?

Is it just the child?

The Parent(s) might be doing a workout?

I used to get criticised by nosy neighbours for taking my DD to the park late and through summer, on walks upto 2am, she never slept for more than five hours because of ADHD.

They won't know the impact unless you tell them, if it is a child with SN, they can work out strategies, such as a trampoline etc.

I don't think it's an issue if you do ask your neighbourg to keep the noise down (and the thumping. If yiour light fitting moves, it has to be quite hard).
Maybe mention that too.
Keep it factual and open.

They might not have realised, they might not do a lot about it (and would proabably explain why) or they might just don't care in which case it will be much harder to deal with.

I don't think you can ak them to be quiet after 8pm, you have no right I'm afraid.
After 11 is not acceptable, but 8pm is just your preference and not your neighbours fault it's your only time to relax.
I'd go for the waking you up after midnight chat tbh, as this is the unacceptable bit.
The only option if you don't like their lifestyle is to move.

I wouldn't "complain" but explain that the child is disturbing you daily. Go with a kind not angry face, they may have no idea/

I would say something because it is unlikely they know the impact the child's running and jumping is having.

Unfortunately they are a child so you likely will hear them running about often - during the day I would find this acceptable and wouldn't give a rats arse if my children were running about making a noise between 8/9am and 5/6pm, any time after that I would find acceptable though. And would also not let them jump off furnature either.

However you should explain to them how noisy it is at night and how much it is disturbing you BEFORE making a complaint to the council etc or risk having bad feelings for the rest of the time you live there. If they still don't stop then it's perfectly acceptable to put in a complaint

I think that noise after 11 pm is unacceptable but I don't think you can expect silence from 8 pm. It would drive me mad. Can you move to a top flat and then you'd have nobody above you. Young children who run round and jump all day long must be an absolute nightmare to live below.