To think the upstairs neighbour should put their child to bed at night?

[WishICouldThinkOfACoolUsername]

Just that really. Upstairs (new build flat) have a young child (not 100% sure of age but preschool - probably about 3/4) who starts running about the flat like a lunatic every night about 7.30 pm. This can go on for several hours - often until between 10 - 11 pm. Last night this was still going on when I went to bed, I fell asleep and then was woken after midnight by a particularly loud thump followed by more running about. If I don't have TV or music on, I can hear squealing to accompany the running - the running itself is always audible - even with the TV louder than I'd necessarily choose to have it.

I'm well aware that living in a flat means that some noise from walking, hoovering, washing machine etc is unavoidable, but AIBU to think that allowing your child to run around and jump off furniture is a bit much? Obviously I can't see that the child is doing this, but the fact that there's a loud thump often accompanied by my light fittings swinging is making me think that's what's happening!

WWYD if I'm not BU? I think a child of that age should be in bed at that time of night personally! DP wants to go knock on the door and complain...

Can't see why the parents would want this either. I would wonder if the child has ASD. In that case, mention it casually to test the water first and then if they are unaware then say you find it wakes you up.

We had this. Ended up moving.

When we moved in it was August and I assumed it would stop at the beginning of school in Sept. But they decided not to send child to school/homeschooling so I waited a year. Found out child was starting school and was thrilled. Then child started school came home and napped for a few hours then ran around till after midnight.

My own kids were at the same school abd surprisingly the child did really well. Turned my opinion about esky nights bring good for learning on their head. My kids and I suffered from the broken sleep.

I find it very stressful living above anyone as children do make noises and I am overly conscious of how it can sound to a neighbour, so I am always nagging DC and to an extent it's not fair for it to be like that. But it's possible that your neighbour has no idea how noisy it is for you - you should be pleasant though, as they may already be finding it very hard to deal with their child. I think 8pm is unreasonable but a general 'it's very loud and disturbing when x runs about at night time, and my light fittings shake' should convey the message.

You can't tell them to change their lifestyle so as not to disturb you in the evenings. After 11pm then yes. Part of my buildings terms and conditions are no noise that's audible outside your own flat between 11pm and 7am. Does your building have similar?

Yanbu to ask them to keep it down after 11pm, but ywbu to tell them to put their child to bed at 8pm

was thinking more along the lines of "would it be possible to keep the running/jumping about to a minimum after about 8 pm?"

I wouldn't even mention running/jumping. I would say that you there is a lot of noise coming from their flat and your light fittings are taking a pounding and could they do anything to minimise it.

I have no idea whether they have to do anything about it or not in terms of council complaints etc but I think the comments saying 'if you don't like it then your only option is to move' are quite depressing. There can be a bit of give and take surely.

I meant to say I wouldn't even mention running/jumping because you can't be absolutely sure that it is that.

I think those times are too early to complain about - it's just normal noise at a sociable hour. Sorry.

Thanks again for the opinions. Seems to be a real split as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not!

Poulet I'm definitely a bit at the suggestions that I should move if I don't like the noise! Apart from anything else, I own my property and am not really interested in moving - nor do I see why I should have to!

There seems to be a real division over whether the running/jumping/whatever it is that's causing the constant thumping is of itself "normal noise" or not - for those who've never lived in a flat, I promise you it's not; I've been here for 15 years (and have had children above me for virtually all of that time) and have complained only once in that time. Interestingly enough that complaint was to the current neighbours when they were having a party that lasted til 3 am.

I think I'm going to go up and have a wee chat - will explain that it woke me up last night and that I'd appreciate if there was any way to keep things quiet after 10 pm...

Yes, I think a chat is the way to go. There are plenty of ways to say it without it needing to get confrontational.

I had a chat with my upstairs neighbours last summer about their kids throwing things onto our balcony. I spent ages trying to decide if I was being unreasonable to mention it as they are quite young but in the end I did say something because they were dropping food and attracting ants and then mice.

The parents had no idea and were lovely about it and there has never been a problem since.

Good luck OP, let us know how it goes

There's always some genius whose thoughtful, well considered answer is 'just move'. Yes, because it's just that simple

Definitely raise it!

Xmasbaby11 "I think those times are too early to complain about - it's just normal noise at a sociable hour. Sorry."
How is 11pm early or a "sociable hour" (whatever that means?!).
Any disruptive noise past 9pm is unacceptable in my book and when its causing lamps to shake/ceilings to thump and is on a regular basis- is completely unacceptable. If this were once or maybe twice a week I might just let it go. But near ever night and this late and this level of noise I'd have to raise it. Why just suffer in silence?

Most people are in bed between 10-11pm so this would cause a huge issue if it were disrupting your life to this extent. I'd definitely have a calm word and dont make accusations/ ask too many questions, more spell out the levels of noise and disruption for you and the affects its having, then see what they say.

YANBU. Regardless of the reasons, it's not really acceptable, if it is so bad that your lighting is shaking!