"attempts are made to exclude people from taking part even if it is only a passive taking part in the conversation"
When were these people excluded from the conversation, do you think? Not around here, not ever, ime.
"It costs nothing for us to take on board that not everyone is the same as us and give them some space and leeway to become part of the group"
Nobody said "everyone is the same". We said that women share biology and experiences. Some women have disorders or abnormal physiology that means they don't have exactly the same biological experiences as the rest of us, but they are still treated as girls and then women by society.
Transwomen share neither our biology nor our shared experience of socialisation, and therefore they are not biologically women nor have they been shaped/molded into women throughout their lives.
"I wouldn't want to exclude myself from any trans woman's experiences"
Sorry, I don't understand what you mean by not wanting to "exclude" yourself from someone else's experiences. Are you not excluded from their experiences, by definition?