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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using disabled toilet with IBS

153 replies

ToiletUser · 27/01/2016 11:16

Hi all. I have a feeling I may get flamed for this, but wanted some opinions as I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable. Have NC as this post contains some embarrassing information!

I have irritable bowel syndrome, which I realise is a fairly common complaint and by no means a disability, but which does mean I often need to use toilets which have a sink in the cubicle. In my building, this means using the disabled toilet.

The other day, said disabled toilet was flooded and subsequently unavailable for several days, during which time I had (tmi warning) a rather explosive bout of IBS and could only use the normal cubicle toilets. It was humiliating and horrible. I had to keep exiting the cubicle to wet pieces of loo paper and I felt disgusting.

Shortly afterwards, the office manager sent round an email to everybody saying that, under no circumstances are able-bodied people allowed to use the disabled toilet.

So I guess my AIBU is: 1) are disabled toilets ONLY for disabled people, or are they just accessible for disabled people but everyone can use them? and 2) am I being unreasonable using them for the above reasons?

TIA

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2016 18:57

If every parent with a child in a pram used the disabled toilet then people who actually need it would never be able to get near.

Inertia · 27/01/2016 19:08

Planners need to install both accessible toilets,
and separate family toilet cubicles which contain the baby change table. The problem is that cost cutting results in the baby change facility being inside the accessible loo - presumably a decision made by someone who needs to use neither.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/01/2016 19:08

Emeralli No child has ever been stolen from a lavatory.
I too had twins. I had three under 19 months. I didn't have colitis at that point. Do you know what, I never used a disabled loo. You can put baby in a sling or as I suggested, use the end cubicle and leave the door open slightly. Oh, and as for waiting five minutes for a loo to be free, that's a loo for people with disabilities. My dd needs that loo, and most of the time I'd bet she needs it more than you.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/01/2016 19:11

Obviously talking about an adult using the loo, not the child. Though if a child is old enough to be using a toilet, they probably won't be in a buggy, so it's not an issue anyway.

And seeing as you've just said, Emeralli, that you have endo so need to go to the loo quickly, it's rather contradictory to say someone can wait five minutes, when you can't always do that, don't you think?

squizita · 27/01/2016 19:21

Voldys it's not a choice if a woman cannot carry post partum and/or has temporary continence issues. They go hand in hand often. Should she stay home getting depressed?
In which case should anyone with those 2 issues stay home?
Or are the "right" kind of health issues allowed out but not those sustained during birth.
And what about those who end up with long term bladder weakness or back pain.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/01/2016 19:26

squiz that's not what Voldy said.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/01/2016 19:26

You've just listed issues other than "my buggy fits in here". So I don't understand quite what point you're making?

Emeralli · 27/01/2016 19:30

Well sometimes you have to wait 5mins or longer, that's life! How do you know whether the person keeping you waiting is disabled or using it for another reason? I've bled through my clothes while waiting but I didn't blame the person who was using the loo before me! I also have endo on my bowel and bladder so have urgency issues during flare-ups. But I wait my turn if the loo is in use... its irrelevant whether the person using it is disabled or a mum with a pram.

When I have my baby in Bjorn carrier it's hard to fit into normal cubicles without catching his legs or bumping his feet in on sanitary bin/wall. So I use the cubicle with extra space if available.

The disabled/extra large loo is for people who need it regardless of mobility status. A mum with 2 toddlers has as much right to privacy and dignity as anyone else (ie being able to close loo door and not risk her children running off).

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 19:30

severe continence issues or physical trauma as a result of birth which results in impaired mobility, is a valid reason to use a disabled toilet.

that is very different to using a disabled toilet because you have a baby in the buggy.

squizita · 27/01/2016 19:33

The issue is, stating there are alternatives to buggies and it's a choice. Not for everyone it isn't. Also stating if you take a buggy you need to hold on and accept that.
If you can't hold on, and you have to use a buggy, should you stay home then?
It wasn't phrased in a "but it's ok if you can't ..." way. Not at all.

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 19:33

How do you know whether the person keeping you waiting is disabled or using it for another reason?

People always say this - of course it happens, but it is unavoidable, so yes then you do have to suck it up, if it is just someone who culdn't be arsed to wait for the ladies, or didn't want to take their dc out of the buggy to go in a standard cubicle, then that is a pita.

Having endo to the extent you do, and the impact on you sound like a valid reason to us the disabled loo, imo.

But not wanting to take your child/ren into a cubicle with you while you have a pee, isn't.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/01/2016 19:34

Well sometimes you have to wait 5mins or longer, that's life!
Imagine being 19, you're out with your friends, and you piss yourself because somebody else is in the loo. Sometimes it happens more than once. Now, you live in the middle of nowhere, you're cold, you're wet, you smell and you've got to either get on a bus, a bus in which someone may or may not move, or wait to be collected. Can you imagine how that feels? And all because somebody didn't want to leave their precious baby where they could still see them for a couple of minutes. Nice.

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 19:34

I'm sorry, squizita, I don't understand your last post.

squizita · 27/01/2016 19:38

Lots of women who leave their babies in the main area of toilets ... genuinely NEVER seen this. It doesn't happen in London. On the one hand many malls etc have family rooms but on the other not all...
In all honesty has anyone seen this in their area? I have no doubt in my area some do gooder would take the baby off to security and the mum would be crucified on mn. So even if she was not worried the expectation is she wouldn't.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/01/2016 19:41

squiz I've managed to do it Putney and Wimbledon. Probably in Southfields too. And no, babies haven't been handed in to security either.

squizita · 27/01/2016 19:44

Hazy Voldy's post. It was clearly to all buggy users and claimed using a buggy was a choice and you should hold on or stay home. There were no shades of grey.

But if my points were a given - then it ends up sounding like only us injured/disabled mamas can go out with our prams if we might need to wee. Everyone else needs to stop clogging up the place.

The answer is of course more family toilets.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/01/2016 19:45

I'd often ask someone to keep an eye and my buggy (and contents!) and have happily done the same for others.

Whatdoidohelp · 27/01/2016 19:45

If you need to use wet paper can't you start crying some wet wipes? I also suffer from ibs-d and know the embarrassment of the noise and smell of being in a public toilet but I would only use disabled toilet in an emergency. It's not fair on those who have no choice to use the only one toilet available to them.

squizita · 27/01/2016 19:46

Dawn really? West London you get a look for facing away to use the mirrors in M&S. Never ever seen it. Westfield have family loos. Ealing doesn't, Brent X It's limited, Uxbridge does.

longestlurkerever · 27/01/2016 19:58

Is it really unreasonable to use the baby change facilities if they're situated in a disabled loo? I agree it's a poor design but I don't think I'd realistically change my baby on the floor of the loos if there are facilities in the disabled toilets (though have done so when there hasn't been). I try and be quick.

Jw35 · 27/01/2016 20:04

using a buggy is a choice ShockBiscuit

I use the disabled loo because I have a buggy. I use the disabled loo if nobody is around who needs it or if I need privacy, I also have ibs and I'm pregnant and get constipated.

It should be called an accessible toilet not a disabled toilet.

I wouldn't dream of using it for any other reason but I do think babies in buggies is fair enough!

squizita · 27/01/2016 20:07

Longest would you lie down on a public loo floor, including your head and rub your hands all over it? Given babies' hand-in-mouth habits I'd think it a recipe for D&V to do that. Not to mention being in the way scrabbling on the floor.

They really need more changing areas available.
But if they are fitted in the accessible or disabled toilet, then yes I would say they can be used there.

The fault lies with the building owner. Not the poor baby with a filled nappy and not with the mum who needs somewhere hygienic to change them. Not with adults who also need that loo. With the building owner.

Mind you changing tables can be so grim I bought a folding mat from poundland and in summer used the park for that!

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 20:11

I read Voldy'z post as meaning buggy users who didn't have an extenuating circumstance (incontinence, IBS, other health/mobility problems that require them to have a need for the disabled toilet)

I have used toilets with babies and buggies in all manner of places, and have never had a problem with taking them in with me, but maybe I have just been lucky.

If the baby changing unit is in the disabled loo, then of course parents are going to use it, I wouldn't expect them not to, it it is crappy design - especially when I have to change my disabled son on the toilet floor.

Sirzy · 27/01/2016 20:14

It isn't an accessible toilet tnough, well not in the sense of it being a free for all for any parent who wants to use it (when baby change is available elsewhere.

This is why the radar scheme needs to be better controlled and used properly to keep the facilities for those who actually need them!

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 20:17

I am going to provide another link to the Changing Places campaign changing-places.org/

Older children and adults have to lie on toilet floors to be changed far too frequently, due to a lack of well designed toilets.

Using disabled toilet with IBS