Using disabled toilet with IBS

[ToiletUser]

Hi all. I have a feeling I may get flamed for this, but wanted some opinions as I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable. Have NC as this post contains some embarrassing information!

I have irritable bowel syndrome, which I realise is a fairly common complaint and by no means a disability, but which does mean I often need to use toilets which have a sink in the cubicle. In my building, this means using the disabled toilet.

The other day, said disabled toilet was flooded and subsequently unavailable for several days, during which time I had (tmi warning) a rather explosive bout of IBS and could only use the normal cubicle toilets. It was humiliating and horrible. I had to keep exiting the cubicle to wet pieces of loo paper and I felt disgusting.

Shortly afterwards, the office manager sent round an email to everybody saying that, under no circumstances are able-bodied people allowed to use the disabled toilet.

So I guess my AIBU is: 1) are disabled toilets ONLY for disabled people, or are they just accessible for disabled people but everyone can use them? and 2) am I being unreasonable using them for the above reasons?

TIA

Of course you should use the disabled toilet, you have a medical issue.
I would send a note back to whoever sent that note & say, due to an ongoing medical condition I will continue to use the disabled toilet as & when necessary.

Could you ask the manager what prompted the e-mail? It may well be nothing to do with you at all.

Just say that you have a hidden disability that you really don't want everyone knowing about and don't wish to discuss - but would a GP letter be helpful to them to understand that disable toilet access would be a huge advantage to you at flare up times?

I wonder if someone disabled had to wait then saw an apparently able bodied person and decided to complain - or they are concerned that people using it who don't have to means damage and then any disabled people can't use it and are stuck?

It might well be the manager has no problem with you using the disabled toilet and all the reception desk women need to know is that you have permission to do so and the rest is none of their business.

If you give the manage a chance to know your situation isn't the run of the mill one they have chance to make adjustments.

I suspect someone just hasn't though though the hidden disabilities aspect of that e-mail.

bunnytyler Hilarious! That sounds amazing, I might have to invest in some :)

You are BU to suggest that everyone should be able to use the DT because you are worried about gossip.

What if one of your Collegues had a similar condition that needed quick access to the toilet, but wasn't able to because someone, who didn't need it, was in there?

I know how embarrasing your condition is, I've had to flush and let the water from the toilet wet the tissue, in a busy public toilet.
Hopefully more Wheelchair/Physically disabled Users will be in general employment and they need their toilets protecting.

I think in most places the toilets are now referred to as accessible toilets for reasons such as this.

I have IBD and if I need to go, I'll use the accessible toilets if I need to.

The 'can't wait' cards are great for when you are out and about OP, and it may be worth your while getting a radar key so you can access locked toilets if you need to.

You are most definitely not unreasonable, the office manager is. Ignore and carry on.

Well the email was kind of justified in part, because a lot of the people in that end of the building seem to use the disabled loo instead of walking round to the normal ones. I just think she could have phrased it better really; she's not very sensitive about these kinds of subjects, possibly just through lack of understanding of non-visible disabilities

I don't think yabu, I'm not sure if I have IBS but I do get horrible diarrhoea every month around my period and it's all very urgent messy and embarrassing.

I have really bad Ibd. I know that with Ibd it is classed as a disability as its an illness which lasts longer then 12 months so I think given that defation oh would be classed as well as Ibs is a condition which lasts more than 12 months. Maybe just send a email and say not all disabilities are visible and doesn't mean you have to be in a wheelchair. I hate people like this I find it all the time with my condition when I use a disabled toilet in public really annoys me.

Oh sorry I get it now! I really feel for you. I once had a sudden attack of IBS at a seaside resort and there was a hotel where I went in and asked to use the toilet and had to explain. I could have cried but the alternative was soiling myself. It really is so humiliating and your boss won't be aware of the problems of you don't explain to him/her x

Get a note from your GP, scan this about email it to your manager marked "confidential". I hope it gets sorted out for you

YANBU.....

The management team need some serious HR schooling.

Lots of conditions are covered by the Equality Act as disabilities which are nothing to do with being 'able bodied'. Do you have HR where you are? This email should be forwarded to them.

I have a colleague with Crohn's disease who uses our disabled toilet. Also, for example, people with colostomy bags, would use disabled toilets and the manager in question wouldn't know they had a colostomy bag and would probably consider them 'able bodied'.

I sympathise, OP. Usually I have to use half the roll to get clean!

YANBU.

Just tell anyone who needs to know that you 'have a medical condition that makes using the disabled loo and having a sink in the cubicle a necessity at times'. You don't have to say more than that and people won't know the exact nature of it then.

I have ulcerative colitis (thankfully under control at the moment) and have no shame whatsoever in using the disabled loo if I need to. People can think whatever the hell they like. When I've had a bad flare-up I've been too ill to give a toss about what other people think.

I always leave any toilet I have used during an episode in a clean (probably cleaner than it was to start with!) state so it doesn't affect anyone else.

I'd like to point you in the direction of this awesome lady, who says it all much better than I could.

www.sobadass.me/2015/02/17/to-the-woman-who-tutted-at-me-using-the-disabled-toilets/

YANBU

I agree with others that this email is actually discriminatory. Disabled toilets are not just for people who are not able-bodied. My DS has severe and complex needs (and wears pads), but is able-bodied. I never question my right to use a disabled toilet when I am out with him - we need to. The severe and ongoing nature of your condition means IMO you can use them.

We often get stares and tuts from people, which I largely ignore, and you should ignore any nonsense like that email and the like.

YANBU. I purchased a RADAR key for exactly this reason. I use the disabled toilet fairly rarely but have to sometimes. I have never ever inconvenienced anyone else by doing so because I have never seen anyone waiting outside when I have finished using a disabled toilet. If there is one available, I always use the normal 'able bodied' toilets.

Some toilets are marked disabled are in fact for everyone's use (eg in restaurants) they are just marked with a disabled wheelchair sign only because they are suitable for disabled access - not for exclusive use by disabled people.

Disabled people are not always in wheelchairs. My condition is very limiting and makes travel very difficult sometimes. It has had a severe impact on my life for 20 years and if I was ever to start a campaign it would be for free, clean, safe, accessible public toilets.

I am disgusted at the way access to public toilets is either removed entirely by councils closing them or introducing charges (eg in railway stations).

I use the disabled toilet when my Crohns is flaring. If I ever get to the point of an ileostomy or colostomy then I expect I'll use them all the time. That's life, isn't it?

I have IBS. If a disabled toilet is closer or the regular toilet is in use, I will use the disabled loos without a moment's hesitation. Usually I'm running so fast to get there in time that I don't see whether people are tut-tutting that someone who can move faster than a scalded cat is using the disabled toilet.

I am classed as disabled but don't require the use of a disabled toilet you on the other hand have every right to use one..Please speak to HR about this..Like other posters not all disabled people are in wheelchairs or use equipment!

Not unreasonable at all. I am a fellow IBS sufferer, and disclosed it at my medical when I started work in my current post - my manager spoke with me about making sure that my classes (I'm a teacher) were timetabled on floors of the building with easy access to ladies' loos, and also advised that I should use the disabled toilets if I felt that I needed privacy rather than using the same loos as students.

My mum suffers with (amongst other bum-realted problems) IN A. She got a radar key after years of desperation and 2 occasions of actually soiling herself.

I've had bowel issues for years, that I just always thought of as 'normal' (but inconvenient and disruptive) and just recently it occurred to me that actually this wasn't normal. I've self-diagnosed IBS but plan to get it officially looked into.

So. After my ramble. Get a radar key and then maybe have a word with the manager or show the radar key if questioned, as proof that you do need access. That way you don't have to explain in any further detail.

Bloody autocorrect *IBS

I know exactly how you feel having spent the last 12 hours running between bed and toilet because of my IBS flare up. Wet wipes is what I'd consider but YANBU to use disabled toilet. I used to use a disabled toilet at another work place as toilets were always so busy and it isn't nice for both you and the other toilet users.

YADNBU

And if anybody complains, have no shame about telling them what happens if you can't use it. It will shut them up forever.

yanbu
of course you should use them

but no they are not for everyone, if people with out disabilities/illness use the, the they will no longer be off any use to people who really need them.