Using disabled toilet with IBS

[ToiletUser]

Hi all. I have a feeling I may get flamed for this, but wanted some opinions as I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable. Have NC as this post contains some embarrassing information!

I have irritable bowel syndrome, which I realise is a fairly common complaint and by no means a disability, but which does mean I often need to use toilets which have a sink in the cubicle. In my building, this means using the disabled toilet.

The other day, said disabled toilet was flooded and subsequently unavailable for several days, during which time I had (tmi warning) a rather explosive bout of IBS and could only use the normal cubicle toilets. It was humiliating and horrible. I had to keep exiting the cubicle to wet pieces of loo paper and I felt disgusting.

Shortly afterwards, the office manager sent round an email to everybody saying that, under no circumstances are able-bodied people allowed to use the disabled toilet.

So I guess my AIBU is: 1) are disabled toilets ONLY for disabled people, or are they just accessible for disabled people but everyone can use them? and 2) am I being unreasonable using them for the above reasons?

TIA

I feel for you. Ds has inflammatory bowel disease. We've had to use disabled toilets before. I've had evils from people who think we're not entitled to use them. Crohns and Colitis UK do a Can't Wait card to show in such situations but I've not bothered to get one yet.

I'm not judging. I'm not talking about people who can't wait. Of course they should be able to use the disabled toilets - they have a medical condition which entitles them to do so. But if you're just out shopping and you can't be arsed to wait in queue to have a wee like everyone else, or you want to change your baby's nappy, or you want to change your child into some clothes you've just bought, or or or, hell no. You should absolutely not be using them if you are not disabled or do not have a medical condition which entitles you do to so. You general, not you specific.

It can be really hard to find a disabled loo and I have continence issues so having to wait can be tough if I'm having a bad day

These are two separate issues though really, aren't they? You need to use an accessible cubicle because you use a wheelchair, but you need to access the facilities urgently because of your continence issues. Most people with incontinence don't use a wheelchair and many people using wheelchairs won't suffer with incontinence. So cubicles that are vacant in case someone with uro/gastro issues needs it urgently are generally different to cubicles that are equipped for people using wheelchairs (although appreciate that in your case you need them to be both).

It's such a minefield though. It seems as though all toilets should be wheelchair accessible with one that is reserved for health-related urgency. But obviously that will never happen...

I don't think YANBU but neither is your manager.

They are right - disabled loos shouldn't be used by the able bodied.

But you have a disability, so can use it.

I mean I don't think YABU!

or you want to change your baby's nappy

If there is no other changing facility, and "your" (general) baby is dripping in poo, has nappy rash, is distressed, has a UTI and needs regular changing...

Changing a baby is not a nice luxury for mum.
A baby is a small, vulnurable human being.

As someone who needs to use the accessible toilets, I fully recognise that it's not mums fault if the shop/building has put the change table in there.

And if the criteria for using the space is, you are a person who cannot move easily, has continence issues and/or sensory needs - well actually babies fit into that category don't they. With being tiny and vulnurable to boot. Oh, and some are disabled too of course.

Would explain to me what alternative the parent should do?
Or do very young humans not need comfort or hygiene?

Babies aren't the same person as a parent: they are people themselves.

By all means we should campaign to the right places... but lumping in baby changing if there are no other facilities is frankly odd.

Mackeral Dignity is an issue. Sounds and smells. People can be cruel.

I also don't understand people objecting to baby changing facilities being in the disabled loo, disabled people need to change their babies too!

The changing facilities are not usually placed at wheelchair height though - so not very useful for a disabled person who uses a wheelchair. The baby changing facilities are there for everyone to use , hence the sign on the door being the universal disabled symbol, and then a baby changing symbol.

Bowel conditions are as good a reason as any to use a disabled loo. UC runs in my family - my dad, two of his brothers and six of my cousins have it, needless to say we've all been well and truly warned not to take too long in the bathroom at family gatherings!

I have the same problem, IBS and communal office toilets.

When I first started at my new job, I used to slip out and use the automated public toilet down the road (I learnt to run fast and always keep 10p in my bag) but that obviously got a bit much so now I just use the disabled toilet. I found my IBS got worse because I was so worried about what toilet to use and stressing over having to use the communal ones.
Although IBS isn't a disability, I do feel in the circumstances, using the disabled loo for a bit of privacy (and dignity in some cases) is justified although I'm sure there are some people that would disagree with me

So YANBU and you have my sympathies, IBS is rubbish

if they query it, give them the stare and say of course were you aware of the email and carry on.

Bowel conditions like IBS are completely debilitating. Of course you're not being unreasonable. I'd be tempted to send an email back discussing invisible disabilities - of which IBS is one. Never feel bad for using the disabled toilet.

hazyjane it depends on the wheelchair. My electric wheelchair has quite a high seat so I get on fine with public changing facilities, but I can see that someone in a low manual chair is going to struggle. If there's only room for one big toilet and you need to provide disabled and baby changing facilities then it's pretty obvious you've got to put them in the same room. I'm just very grateful to live in a society that gives such things consideration at all.

Baby changing doesn't need a big room though does it, plenty of public toilets do manage to attach a folding table to a wall without too much of a problem.

Baby changing does really need to have space for parent, baby, and any other children too young to be left outside. It doesn't need to be big, but it's really helpful if it is.

Parents also need a space to go to the loo with a pram.
No one would leave their newborn randomly outside a shopping centre toilet. Pretty sure you wouldn't be allowed anyway!
Some malls have family loos but not all.

The baby change facilities for disabled users would be hard to 'pitch' height wise. I struggle to lift/twist but can walk, others use electric chairs and others manual.

Parents also need a space to go to the loo with a pram.
That is not what the accessible loos are for. There is no recorded incident of a baby being stolen from a public lavatory. Use the last cubicle, propped open or ask someone to keep an eye, people do not steal babies.

I know that accessible toilets are not for parents with babies in prams, but in one town local to here the toilets (until they were redesigned) were so badly planned that there was absolutely no room for a pram anywhere other than out on the street just feet away from where cars and trucks thunder past. For good measure, it was also the only public toilet facility in the town, so no choice. Baby changer was for many years only in the disabled toilet too.

Thankfully, with the recent redevelopment the planners seem to have taken on board such things. It is now one long row of fairly large cubicles into which you could easily fit with a pram and a toddler. Not sure where they have put the baby changer this time though, as my youngest is 13 now so I haven't needed to check that one out.

The baby change facilities for disabled users would be hard to 'pitch' height wise. which is one of the reasons Changing Places toilets have adjustable height changing tables.

I never left any of the dcs outside the toilet either, if I needed the toilet I took them in with me, and left the buggy outside, or did what Dawndonna suggests.

I've never seen a toilet which was small enough to not fit a buggy, which opened straight onto the street, that is a crazy design!

If you're going to take your child out in a buggy, you need to be prepared to either wait until you get home, take them out of the buggy when you go to the loo, or leave them in the buggy outside the toilet door when you need to use it. Using a buggy is a choice - there are plenty of other options. The fact I might shit myself because I can't get my wheelchair into a normal cubicle if someone with a buggy decides to use the disabled toilet to make their life easier isn't.

It's not up to the manager of the office to decide who is and who is not disabled.

You have a need and both your employer and the people who own the building have a duty to you to accommodate that need as much as possible.

If everyone is using the disabled toilet because it is closer or something then it needs to be locked and keys given to people who need them - you included.

I use the disabled loo to change my baby's nappy if that's the only place available. I don't see a problem with it. Many cafes have the only changing-table in the disabled loo.

I also use disabled loo if I need extra space eg if I have pram or baby is in carrier and I'd struggle to get into a normal cubicle.

And I have endometriosis so sometimes need to use loo in a hurry- I'm not going to wait in a queue and risk bleeding everywhere if a disabled loo is free.

I think of them as 'easy access' rather than 'disabled only'. They should be accessible to anyone who needs extra space for any reason (pregnant, with pram or baby-carrier, with young children, continence issues, GI problems, wheelchair, mobility aid etc).

My best friend has twin toddlers, when she's out with them alone the disabled loo is often the only one she can use as can't leave toddlers outside cubicle!

Like I say, I used to take my dcs in with me, there is no reason why you can't squeeze a couple of toddlers and a baby in there!

As they are called disabled toilets, have a disabled sign on them and are designed with disabled people in mind (albeit badly), I prefer to leave them free for disabled people.

How ridiculous to say you must leave baby outside the cubicle or make child wait until they're home to use the loo!
I care more about my child's safety and comfort than someone having to wait 5mins until loo is free

Voldy's talking about you using the loo, not the child.

No-one is forcing you to leave them outside the toilet, as I say, I never have.