Using disabled toilet with IBS

[ToiletUser]

Hi all. I have a feeling I may get flamed for this, but wanted some opinions as I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable. Have NC as this post contains some embarrassing information!

I have irritable bowel syndrome, which I realise is a fairly common complaint and by no means a disability, but which does mean I often need to use toilets which have a sink in the cubicle. In my building, this means using the disabled toilet.

The other day, said disabled toilet was flooded and subsequently unavailable for several days, during which time I had (tmi warning) a rather explosive bout of IBS and could only use the normal cubicle toilets. It was humiliating and horrible. I had to keep exiting the cubicle to wet pieces of loo paper and I felt disgusting.

Shortly afterwards, the office manager sent round an email to everybody saying that, under no circumstances are able-bodied people allowed to use the disabled toilet.

So I guess my AIBU is: 1) are disabled toilets ONLY for disabled people, or are they just accessible for disabled people but everyone can use them? and 2) am I being unreasonable using them for the above reasons?

TIA

OK this is probably obvious from my username but I'm a wheelchair user.
It really, really annoys me when I have to wait for able-bodied people to get out of the disabled loo so I can go in (and more so when it's because they're using the baby change - the law actually specifies that these should be separate to disabled toilets but this is rare). It can be really hard to find a disabled loo and I have continence issues so having to wait can be tough if I'm having a bad day. When this is someone able-bodied it's a source of frustration.

But I can usually make an educated guess whether the person in there has an invisible disability or is able-bodied from the way they react when they spot me waiting. .

OP it's my belief that you're covered by the legal definition of disability, if you felt able you could email your boss specifying that and that you need to use a disabled toilet at times. I don't think they can legally ask for details.

WHEELIEME - what's your educated guess based on? I come out usually after cleaning my self up looking usually very sheepish as I know you're about to enter in there and apart from anything else it's not going to smell too pretty. What would you think of me?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=poo+pourri+spray&tag=hydrukspg-21&index=aps&hvadid=42976745088&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16185451846535439969&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=m&ref=pdsll1sisfw7owkb Poo Pourri!!]

It's a proper real life thing, honest

I make my kids use it too at home to stop the smell of shit permeating the house...

I have a small bottle that stays in my handbag for the unfortunate times where I have to use public conveniences.

wheelie if other people behave like me then it is probably the apparently able bodied people with hidden disabilities who look a bit embarrassed and apologise for keeping you waiting as they appreciate your need and feel bad you had to wait whereas those who come out looking like they are fully entitled are the ones who may not need to be there...

I am disabled and i cant tell if folk using the toilet need it or not how can you tell ? In fact i usually look a bit sheepish when i walk out of a disabled toilet if somebody else is waiting as I feel bad i have kept them waiting.

I was informed that disabled toilets are not like the parking spaces, they are not for "disabled people only" to use. They are a facility, but can be used by others.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. If there's a choice of cubicles you shouldn't use the disabled loo unless you need to (OP does need to), my parents are both disabled but can easily use a standard loo. There is a reason the RADAR scheme was set up.

Xpost withblaeberry

YANBU. I also have IBS and posted last year when in Spain I used the disabled loo in the hotel as the main one was in use and I NEEDED to go. A man ended up battering on the door with his walking stick after seeing me walk in and then complained to the hotel receptionist about me. I totally understand you, it's a painful embarrassing condition and I think a word with your manager would be in order so that you can use that loo

I am able to use both toilets but sometimes need the disabled toilet

It's generally the ones who have an attitude of "well it was there and there was a queue so why not" type of entitled that make me suspect they didn't need to be there. I don't usually say anything either way unless they make a huge thing of it.

I've had people banging on the door shouting that it's for disabled people before when they've heard me and my carer laughing and chatting in there.

I think severe IBS can be a disability actually. It's a chronic health condition that impacts on your daily life. Your manager should be reminded that not all disabilities are visible - a polite email should do. His attitude that he can judge who is disabled and who isn't by sight alone may be impacting on other colleagues in other situations.

kirkenes I thought perhaps her email could be worded better, but I wasn't overly offended by it.

It was more that I just didn't know where I stood with regards to using the loo because the email got me thinking about it

One can make one's own poo pourri by carrying a small spray bottle of scented essential oil. Spritz the water in the bowl and it creates a film that traps odor underneath.

There is a reason the RADAR scheme was set up.

That is abused to though unfortunately.

I complained to a local chain pub place recently as they had a note on the door of the radar locked disabled toilet (which also doubled up as the only baby change, it was all newly built too so no excuse) saying "please don't allow this door to close when you have finished".

To give them their due when I went back a month later the note had been taken down and a baby change table had been installed in the ladies toilets at least.

But I can usually make an educated guess whether the person in there has an invisible disability or is able-bodied from the way they react when they spot me waiting.

Really? Because if you're there looking like thunder ... they might look sheepish anyway. Or if the toilet stinks because it's been used for a bowel issue etc.
I've had someone 'have a go' when I was limping and using a stick when I didn;t have my pram with me. They weren't there when I went in, and because I had a baby with me they assumed baby-change (it was the only facility) because they "saw that" not my slow/painful movement. In actual fact I couldn't get up without bars.
I also wonder where women with babies are meant to leave their babies if they don't have a physical disability bar postpartum incontinence, as I had my APS flare up during that time.

I agree about the baby change thing however again, the anger could better be focused on the shop/building in question surely? Otherwise you're effectively expecting people to make a point by causing their babies discomfort which isn't on (not to mention those of us with physical or sensory needs and a baby...).

a baby change table had been installed in the ladies toilets at least.

...for another thread but hope there was one in the mens too!

I'm a wheelchair user and I've used my radar key to let people with bowel issues into the disabled loos before now. It might cheer you up to know that not everyone in a wheelchair is judging you as you come out, I'd always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt and assume hidden disability. I also don't understand people objecting to baby changing facilities being in the disabled loo, disabled people need to change their babies too!

You can buy RADAR keys from ebay

squizita I hope the same, but I thought me going into the gents to check would be frowned upon

psuedo baby changing being in the disabled toilets isn't the issue, the issue is that being the only baby changing facility in a building.

But I can usually make an educated guess whether the person in there has an invisible disability or is able-bodied from the way they react when they spot me waiting

Can you Wheelie? Good if you can and I am not trying to doubt you, but I actually think that that is part of the problem sometimes. I have been prone to attacks of IBS for all of my adult life, largely (but not solely) to do with thyroid problems. They are less than they used to be because the thyroid issue is more or less under control, but they do still happen and I have been known to race into the disabled toilet if absolutely necessary. Once I come out though, having dealt with that particular attack, I look and feel perfectly normal again (until the next time). Most people rarely bother to react at all, but I have had the odd disapproving comment and look. It is not nice.

For the record, I only use the disabled toilet on very rare occasions. Only when there really does seem to be no other option or the queue is so long for other toilets that I would be in danger of an accident before getting through it.

Other than that, I agree fully with your post.

OP, you are not being at all unreasonable. Without going into any more detail than you wish to, I would email back to this "office manager" saying that you do have a medical condition which sometimes requires use of that particular toilet, and when you are having a flare up you would like to be able to use it in peace without any questions being asked, either by email or by any other means. i.e. your privacy must be respected.

Disabled person with a baby confuses the buggers when you use the toilet

Sirzy Without baby changing, how could I leave DH and DD with the barstaff cooing over her and go to actual grown up clothes shops unhindered? But seriously of course, single dads, SAHDs etc' - places need to wise up.

MrsJayy Yep!! I got accused of faking my real limp basically, mortified.

Made worse by the fact it's an autoimmune condition so one week I need the handles and the next I'm doing yoga! So the local sticky-beak old folk at the M&S cafe have lots to speculate on.

Gives them something else to tut about over their scones I suppose