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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept a friend request from a boyfriend if nearly 30 years ago?!!

37 replies

Janus · 26/01/2016 23:19

Today I got a friend request from my first ever boyfriend, I was 16 then, I am 45 now!!! I haven't accepted as not sure if I 'should'. I am curious to see how he is but I have no feelings for him, I'm not going to run off from my husband and 4 children!! Husband is away but know he wouldn't mind and he would see we are now friends as we are friends on Facebook too. We live in opposite ends of the country so we will never meet up.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Peevedquitter · 26/01/2016 23:22

I think my SIL had something very similar happen to her, they chatted online for a few weeks and then the 'my wife doesn't understand' me shit started and he wanted to meet.

She lives in Spain and he still lives in London and it didn't seem to dampen his ardour.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 26/01/2016 23:22

Nah I wouldn't bother I don't think. It's been 30 years. You're not missing out on anything by not knowing how old his kids are or how far through his divorce he is hence why he is adding old girlfriends on Facebook

Humble314 · 26/01/2016 23:22

I would out of curiosity. You're different people now but I'm sure you could catch up on each others' news! there'd be a lot after 30 years.

I have ''no feelings'' for 99% of the people on my fb

gamerchick · 26/01/2016 23:23

Well I have ex squeezes on my Facebook it doesn't mean anything.

I also met up with my now husband on Facebook after nearly 20 years but I was single at the time.

See how it goes... Just because they're exs doesn't mean they're a threat.

BackInTheRealWorld · 26/01/2016 23:23

I can't see the point tbh

Original poster
Janus · 26/01/2016 23:25

He was a lovely boy (!) so I very much doubt he is mid way through a divorce and looking me up! His profile is of him and his wife or girlfriend and mine is of me, husband and 4 kids!! I would say he's probably being nosey which is all I would be doing!! Any weird stuff and I just de-friend him don't I?!

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 26/01/2016 23:25

I've looked up exs on Facebook for the nosiness factor but it never crossed my mind to want to send them a friend request this many years later...
Just why??
Dykwim?

MaisyMooMoo · 26/01/2016 23:30

I would instant message him and say something on the lines of 'how lovely to hear from you'...etc and find out how he's doing now and then leave it to fizzle out. I don't think I'd be comfortable with having him on my FB and seeing posts and comments made by friends and family. It kind of brings him a bit too close for comfort.

liinyo · 26/01/2016 23:35

I would and have but I am reasonably sure(ish) that my marriage is secure. If I thought things could get wobbly I would probably steer well clear (or dive in and stir things up).

ilovesooty · 26/01/2016 23:36

I have an ex boyfriend from years ago on Facebook. We haven't seen one another for 40 years and I can't even remember whether he requested me or vice versa.

BrokenVag · 26/01/2016 23:36

I have several exes on FB, including my first love. There's no issue - we're still friends 20odd years later!

Mmmmcake123 · 26/01/2016 23:39

I really don't see any harm in it!
You can limit what he sees if you want to. I've accepted friend requests from old colleagues and I wouldn't see this as any different once so much time has passed. You have both moved on.

ChaostheCat · 26/01/2016 23:39

Don't see the harm TBH. I'm friends with my first 'serious' boyfriend from sixth form, that's over 30 yrs ago (😱). He lives in the States, married with children. DH & I married 20+ years. We still have friends in common, but hardly communicate on a regular basis.

Mmmmcake123 · 26/01/2016 23:40

LinyoGrin

Original poster
Janus · 26/01/2016 23:56

I am secure in my relationship too! It's weird only because when we split up (my doing) he never spoke to me again despite us being in the same college for another year! Maybe there's a 30 year anniversary meet up!! Which I would NOT go to!!
What does linyo mean???!!!

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 27/01/2016 00:04

liinyo Tue 26-Jan-16 23:35:28

I googled for a (nonexistent) acronym before scrolling, too! Grin

TroubleinDaFamily · 27/01/2016 07:36

I found a long time childhood friend and a short term teenage boyfriend on FB, I found him in July and we have PM'd daily ever since, he came from the same town and area as me and we have just had the best time chatting about all the people we used to know, and local characters.

His relationship was a bit wobbly before Christmas, it had been a long time coming and I told him in no uncertain terms to take the time over Christmas to repair it. (He works away Monday - Friday ) He did, and it is sorted. HIs GF messaged me to say, don't know how hard a kick up the Arse you gave him but it is working beautifully.

Had we married, we would have made a good team as we are very similar, same politics etc., but we didn't make a go of it, because we really liked each other but we didn't fancy each other. Our running joke when we disagree is see told ya, incompatible.

It is possible to have men as friends, just friends.

He lives at the opposite end of the country so we are unlikely to ever meet.

LurcioAgain · 27/01/2016 07:57

I had several of these from various blokes back when I hit my early forties. I sent back non committal but polite answers and (cynic that I am) started the mental count down - at least half the time they were indeed signs of an impending mid life crisis. Mercifully I had the sense not to be the other party in any of them.

DoreenLethal · 27/01/2016 08:01

I have a few exes as friends, but that's because we are actually friends. We had a friend relationship before and after we went out/lived together etc.

I would not add someone who was an ex and also a knobber, or a twat, or who was in any way a problem to me. But if they are also friends, then that's fine.

Noofly · 27/01/2016 08:04

I'm friends with some exes and I think it's nice. I genuinely like all of them and I like seeing them all happy with their families.

Mind, I'm also friends with lots of my old school teachers as well which according to MN is odd, so I'm possibly not the best person to post. Grin

whats4teamum · 27/01/2016 08:05

I had friend request from an ex. It all went a bit stalkerish. He tracked down where I lived and had clearly seen me and I started getting phone calls and post at home. He'd have to have done some serious research to track me down. It was around the 40 birthday mark so a bit of a midlife crisis. I had to go x directory and haven't used Facebook since. He seemed perfectly reasonable as a 16 year old. The past is best left in the past.

PolovesTubbyCustard · 27/01/2016 08:13

I did. Drunk facebooking.

Had a brief nosey- was all v dull - and then blocked.

Don't need to go there.

SevenOfNineTrue · 27/01/2016 08:14

I'd do it out of pure curiosity. You can always block him if it gets weird.

RubyRoseViolet · 27/01/2016 08:16

I'd accept. I think it's interesting to catch up with people from way back. If he has other motives (that happened to me once) it will soon become obvious and you can hide him or unfriend.

christmaswreaths · 27/01/2016 08:29

I have 3 ex's on my facebook too. Nice to see how they are getting on, they are all fathers now.

Except one of them, the one I was with age 16 (I am now 43!), made himself look like a tool when I put a "Happy Birthday x" and he made some comment on the kiss :-/ I just do that automatically to everyone, not like I had a raging desire to kiss him, it really irritated me and would never do that again!!!!

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