Middling DD, private at Y5, and disposable income

[Arrowedheart]

DD is in an outstanding primary but is being kept as middle of the road in terms of sets - 'middle' tables get the same work whether in set 1 or 2) I've asked for the last couple of years how she can progress but have been told that's how it is.

I'm under no illusions that she may not be very academic naturally and that's fine. However I do feel that if there is no scope to move between sets, it is restrictive. There are 2 year 4 classes and no one has been moved up or down as far as I know.

I am considering moving her to a private school for Y5. We have visited and know ex pupils. She is an only child so no other kids to worry about. We have good salaries but a high mortgage. We would have about £1.2k left a month for food, going out, clothes, etc.

Shoot me down or let me know your experiences please

Thanks for your response. You're right, that doesn't sound great - is it a bad teacher maybe? Is dd happy?

What I am saying is nothing I do will make a difference to where she is at her current school as they will not move sets

You say that and then contradict that by saying that you are happy if she is where she should be. Well the school say that she is, and presumably they will know better than you? What is their Ofsted and league table level?

It does come across that you want her to be moved to a higher group whether it will suit her ability or not. A private school wont make her more able.

We have the squeebles set of maths apps and DC1 does a few minutes most nights. She finds them a lot of fun and I like her doing maths I a playful context.

She is happy at her current school. The potential new school would go through to sixth form so friends made at Y5 would likely be there later. Her current friends are either going private also at Y7 or to schools too far away.

She has been for a short visit to the potential new school and has met kids and teachers. Next step would be a taster day.

Tbh I thought I would be flamed for asking if we could manage on over a grand a month for food and entertainment!

the new school might have the same limitation. They will probably tell you otherwise but it's a very expensive experiment.

I think you need to look more closely at state secondary options and take it from there. Look at your old school too, it might have changed out of all recognition.

Bogey - yes, I am happy if she is in the middle, if that is where she should be. I'm not confident that this has been adequately assessed and periodically reevaluated.

Have you discussed that issue with the school Arrow? Not the class teacher but with the head?

Ask for an explanation of their process for evaluating and reevaluating the kids and whether they should be moved?

Going straight into moving schools if you havent gone into it in more depth with the school so that they understand what you are asking for and you understand their processes, seems very extreme. Unless you are, as a PP said, looking for a reason/excuse to move her to private. If you are just looking for a reason then surely "because we want to" is reason enough?

DD asks most nights (unprompted!) if she can go on the maths app used by school. She is keen to learn and frequently says she is stupid, which is far from the truth. I just don't want her to get lost in the system as being an average achiever, and therefore someone that can be left to get on with it.

Bogey - I have mentioned to the HT that we are considering alternatives. I felt I had to come clean as we took her for an afternoon visit to the potential school. He asked whether it was anything they had done. I should try to arrange a meeting with him

Yeah, that's entirely understandable. Honestly, I would supply her with loads of materials (there are books like this one all over Amazon, and they make mathematical concepts interesting and easy to follow, as do fractions snap, X tables snap, and so on) and work on getting her up to a really solid level without her knowing that is what is happening, and then you can see if they are willing to move her up with that sort of solid evidence of improvement. If the class teacher isn't helpful then I think Bogey is spot on and you go to the Head, because they are meant to differentiate learning and track carefully, in the state system. But do try to build her basic knowledge and confidence in a fun way, and then see if that is recognised and rewarded, first. Essentially, see if additional support can't improve her, and then see if that means she is being accurately tracked and needed to get to a higher level before they could or should move her.

Meanwhile, I would quietly press on with plan B as insurance, in case you get no joy.

Also, Cressandra, even if my old school had turned into Selfridges and was giving away free Chanel bags, I would not send her anywhere near it. (Lighthearted obvs)

Cross post - then yeah, I would be honest. Say you are happy to support her learning, and made that clear, but didn't get much help on what needed to happen, and that your DD is starting to think she is stupid, when she is more than happy to work harder/more effectively if guidance is provided.

I understand that worry, I really do. But I do think that its unfair of you to decide that the school are in fact leaving her to drift when you havent discussed it in detail with the policy maker and given them a chance to explain how they work, and maybe reassess DD if appropriate.

As I say, going from "I dont think she is in the right group" to "We are moving her to a fee paying school ASAP" is a massive jump, and rather an over reaction. I think that you should either give them a chance to deal with your issues, or admit that you would just prefer her to go private!

The thing is, that no matter how much money you throw at the problem, you could end up with her being exactly where she is now, learning as she is now and achieving as she is now, and paying through the nose for it. Surely its best to see if there really is a problem before spunking money on a school that may not make any difference.

I don't understand what you think should be happening in terms of progression at her current school. I'd imagine, since there doesn't appear to be any cause for concern from her teacher, that your DD is progressing perfectly adequately. The rest of the children in the class aren't static though - they'll also be progressing. So unless she suddenly progresses faster than everybody else, she will remain in the middle.

Presumably her teacher thought she wasn't secure with her times tables which is why she made the suggestion about learning her 8x table. Since knowing your tables forms the bedrock for everything else in maths, that will help her gradually grasp other concepts. It won't turn her into a maths genius overnight who needs to move up a set.

Sorry if I'm coming across as slightly harsh but you seem a bit obssessed by the sets. Buy some books from Amazon (there are lots of good ones and they're fun to do) or get her a private tutor if she's keen, but make sure her progress is measured in terms of what she has learned, and not measured against what other people have learned.

make sure her progress is measured in terms of what she has learned, and not measured against what other people have learned.

Thats really good advice.

I guess I found early on that this is the only way to keep sane in the education system as my son has learning difficulties due to brain damage. It was disheartening to see him so low in compared to the other kids, but his consultant said that it wasnt fair to compare him to them, and he was right. Maybe thats why I dont really understand the angst that the OP has about this, as ime, kids dont tend to suddenly jump several levels in anything, they usually stay at roughly the same level their whole school careers (6 kids so a fair amount of experience!).

I'm with SilverBirchWithout and sleeponeday. If she's in the middle, she's doing fine. DH and I always said when our DD was at primary that middle is the best place - at high end you risk being bored and at low end you're falling behind. Middle is the right place to challenge you in a way you can cope with.

But like silver and sleep, I think what's REALLY important about school (unless you are PROPERLY unhappy about the education) is the social side. Is child happy? Do they have nice friends, who have a relatively equal and fun relationship with them? Do they live close (easy for playdates and solidifying the friendship)? Are they going to same secondary?

As long as you aren't actively unhappy with the educating bit, then I would say this is very, very important.

Our private prep is great for all the extra curricular stuff and fairly average for some of the academic stuff (we've done state too). I really like the longer holidays. Some London schools are very different though. so if you are in London it may well be a different experience.

I'm currently doing tuition for 11+ myself, its very easy just to buy some books off amazon and there are lots of websites that can help with maths - we do iXL. My child is currently in year 5.

I wouldn't move now - just do some work at home.

I know lots of kids who get tutored - there are plenty of options out there and you'll probably find that several kids in your DC's class are going already. I'd try that first before a wholesale switch of schools.

I still don't really understand why you want to move her.

If it's an outstanding school and she is progressing well (staying in sets 2, not going down), she's happy and settled - just why?

You do seem obsessed with these sets - and to be frank, if she's not shining academically in her current comp, outstanding though it may be, she's even less likely to shine in your typical private school where I'd imagine the standard is generally higher all round.

Just had a thought, you say that the private school is selective OP, has she actually sat the entrance exam yet? A taster day etc could all be for naught if she isnt at the standard that they require.

What does she want to do? Because if she is happy then you could top up her learning with a tutor. And then consider what you want to do for yr 7. I think if my children was happy I'd leave them where they were for now.

I really appreciate all of your thoughts. and the time you have taken to share them. I agree I need to speak to the HT, and to think more carefully about my motivations for sending DD private.

I have considered finding a tutor from next year to help DD with maths. I'm not particularly unintelligent, but I don't have the patience or capacity to do much more at home than I already do.

I just want her to have the best start, chances, and opportunities I can give her. The same as any other parent does.

I'm not trying to ignore anyone so sorry if I haven't answered. Re sets, there are only 2 in her year.

You'll probably find half her class here

I am going to flame you a bit for 'spending what you have'.

It's your money, but the entertainment quotient of over £1k per month has me raising my eyebrows. I would be putting more into your savings if I were you. There is a wide gap between eating beans on toast and spending that much with just the three of you.

I like the sound of the private school that goes all the way to age 18. I think children in the 'middle' stand to benefit greatly from the extra attention, the great pastoral care, and the generally positive environment you might find there. Moving at this juncture would mean she has friends heading into the tween years.

I would invest in tutoring for her for the rest of this academic year to see how well she progresses, however. That way you would know if she is capable of more than her current school thinks she is. Try Kumon, if you are anywhere near a centre.