To explode at the school

[Holdmeback]

DD complaining for the last few weeks about a boy in her class trying to look at her knickers during PE changing. She's 6.

I did the oh just ignore him ect etc. Still complaining. I told her to tell the teacher.

School have just phoned home. Apparently DD was uncomfortable getting changed today and complained about child x looking at her and waiting for her to take her skirt off.

Could she possibly wear a vest next week as it might make her more comfortable?

I'm sorry, WTF? Why should she cover herself up, why not tell HIM to stop staring?!

YANBU at all.

If 6 is old enough to stare at a girl's body while she is getting changed, 6 is old enough to have it explained (at a basic level) that this is not an acceptable thing to do.

It is not your DD's responsibility to cover up!

I may be slightly projecting here, as I've just found out H has been cheating on me & has always had a "boys will be boys" attitude to staring at women's bodies. Even so, I have two teenage sons and would certainly have told them to stop at this age. Or any age. Thankfully, they aren't perverts like their father. Sorry, projecting massively again!

OP YANBU.

Very at the idea that a 6 year old can 'perv'.

OP, most children of this age get changed together. Is your DD especially self-conscious? You can't blame a little child for looking at another in curiosity - not that there's any difference apart from genitals at that age.

Mainly because OP doesn't actually know what the boy's behaviour actually is!

The boy is making OPs DD feel uncomfortable but, without a teacher watching and seeing what actually happens, no one will know why she feels like that.

Possibilities range from him standing and staring at her to her simply noticing him more than she does anyone else.

There may be no behaviour to change!

As I said before, OPs DD needs some calm support and OP needs to keep in touch with her teachers until they have had a chance to observe what is going on and can act accordingly!

Wearing a vest won't stop him looking at her knickers.

I have a Yr 1 child. No way are they pervy. Lot of giggling about bums and willies. Lots of random behaviour at random times. Have you read any of the thread about mad stuff kids say and do?! These are 5 and 6 year olds.

Definitely go in and speak to the class teacher face to face. You'll get a lot more information than you ever will in writing. Don't explode, you'll get nowhere. Be understanding but firm. Know what results you want out of the meeting.

I agree it is important that you and the school don't give the message that she should alter her behaviour. Although this isn't a perve situation, it is still a case of her being asked to change her clothing (in a pointless way) so the boy won't make her uncomfortable. You don't want to teach that at age 6. It will stick.

The school might not really have thought through that bit. You can make the point nicely face to face and they'll likely think "oh yeah, fair enough" - they are only human.

Good grief they are 6, unless I missed the bit where the boy is much older.
It's natural at this age nothing pervy about a 6 year old being curious.
I can remember doing this at school, we all did didn't we?

Obviously the boy needs educating but it's certainly no reason to go exploding

No, sorry, I wasn't saying that little boys can be pervs. I've had two little boys of my own. No 6 year old could fit in to that grouping.

What I really meant was, I think it's important to object to the schools' "boys will be boys" attitude and automatically expecting the girl to handle her own discomfort with it.

What I really meant was, I think it's important to object to the schools' "boys will be boys" attitude and automatically expecting the girl to handle her own discomfort with it.

I really don't see at as "boys will be boys". I see it more being "six year olds will be six year olds". Boys are curious about what girls have and girls are curious about what boys have so naturally they will look.
At say, age 10, they know full well what the opposite sex has, so they don't need to look to find out.

God some of the kneejerk reactions make me think the OP actually probably needs to go pretty hard on this. No of course the boy is not a "pervert" - but that doesn't make his behaviour ok and doesn't mean he shouldn't be told that he needs to respect others' space and privacy and feelings and doesn't mean that the girl is not completely within her rights to have him not stare at her while she changes (and for the man(?) upthread saying that it's bad for kids to not want people looking at their knickers - just get lost, kids have just as much right to bodily autonomy as adults). Telling off the boy for this is a straightforward issue - we tell kids off for lots of things they do wrong, and that's fine.

This is insane. I have a year 1, five going on six year old boy and of course many in the class are now six. I would be equally furious if the school or some other parent tried to sexualise him looking about while getting changed for PE. They are still so tiny at this age. Of course if the school has a conversation about how staring can make another person feel uncomfortable that is one thing, but this sounds like trying to impose adult perspective on to small children.

It is normal for them it change together at this age. A vest is a good idea. Does she have particularly interesting knickers? (Serious point - is the little boy looking at the picture on them or something? Presumably you haven't sent her in a sparkly thong?)

I am amazed at the misconseotions here. Do posters really think schools provide separate changing areas for 6 year olds and assume that they don't at 11? Strange.

As for the poster that feels his DW shouldn't encourage her dd to not flash her bum and finds it highly funny that she flashes to him well sorry but I think that's distasteful.

My kids have been brought up to value their bodies as private and precious to them.

That taught them to respect not only their bodies but other people's.

My teen lads treated girls with respect and my teen dds felt confident enough wearing mini skirts etc and expected boys to treat them with respect.

Anyway if the ops dd is uncomfortable at 6 i
Suspect this boy has said things to her rather than just looking. No 6 year old is subtle enough to interpret a look.

Oh yes I think the boy should be told to respect other people's space, most definitely. I'd expect them to tell a girl the same.

My posts are in response to people writing him off as being a pervert at 6 and people turning it in to a feminist issue when these children are 5/6 years old.

I think it's a massive over reaction my ds (ok only age 3 1/2 but this boy is still little ) randomly pulled his four year old sisters skirt down last week. When I asked what he was doing he said he wanted to see her " let it go" knickers.
Very young children do not view knickers and bums in sexual terms.

theycallme

Tell off and not educate?
Education should come first, surely.
I can't believe you'd tell him off for some behaviour he obviously doesn't realise is unacceptable.

Another one who thinks this is just mad. The children at DD's school in KS1 get changed together. I am often in there supervising and helping those ones who are still struggling to get changed and most of the children run around showing each other their knickers because they've got Minions on them or Star Wars characters. It seems ludicrous to me that this is anything but innocent, in fact, I would be more concerned about the OP's DD being so conscious about it.

Is he making a point at staring only at this little girl or does he do it to everyone. Is he really staring or is this the girl's perception because of her self-consciousness. I would suggest a calm chat with the school about how your DD is feeling without accusing anyone. You may find that he's not doing it at all in that way that your DD thinks he is.

THEY ARE SIX! I think you are all getting your knickers in a twist. Either the poor boy is 'perving' in which case it is not his fault and a massive Child Safety concern (not your child though, OP). Or your dd is just very self conscious about this.

When ds1 was in Reception all of 5 years ago, they all did PE in their pants and polo top! Shock, horror. I thought it was fine, but there was so much moaning from parents that by the time my younger kids went to school they needed a p.e kit. I just don't get why kids need to be aware of all this at such a young age.

The most obvious thing on this thread is that most people have no clue about the general messing about that goes on when a group of young innocent children change together.After Christmas half the class want to show off their new pants not hide them.Sometimes I have had to nip in the bud the fun of trying to pull each others pants down as they change but it is a game, just a game. Some of those pants pullers are now in their 30's and are very responsible members of society!

most of the children run around showing each other their knickers because they've got Minions on them or Star Wars characters. It seems ludicrous to me that this is anything but innocent, in fact, I would be more concerned about the OP's DD being so conscious about it.
precisely

It's not about labeling him a perv at 6, and yes it is natural for 6yos to be curious, but the point is that attitudes towards privacy, boundaries and respect for others can be shaped at age 6. If this were my son I would hope that he would be called on it in an age appropriate way, as I would do with him at home.

And this probably isn't the same as the pants pulling game scenario, it sounds like the OPs DD is visibly distressed, which makes a big difference.

Are you still there Holdmeback?

I'm all for teaching kids about boundaries and personal space etc. However I find it odd he is just looking at your dd OP; I think you need to find out if this is actually Whats happening and if it is then the school should be talking to him.

I really don't think it's a big deal though tbh. I have a 9 year old boy and a 5.5year old girl. If my daughter came home saying this I wouldn't be overly shocked or appalled tbh.

Fwiw a friend of mine had a daughter aged 7 who got stressed about changing in front of the boys - her mum made it into a huge thing and it was awful. I'm not suggesting you're doing that. Be careful though and please don't write this wee boy off as anything other than a bit curious or even just nosey!

I wouldn't have thought the boy was anything other than a normal 6 year old. Hence the "no exploding" advice.

No point in exploding over normal 6 year old behaviour. Writing to the governors about it would be ridiculous. Talk to the class teacher first. Don't necessarily take the word of your own 5 or 6 year old as absolute gospel either. They can easily misconstrue things, see things that aren't necessarily there ir exaggerate.

Almost certainly just a quick word between the teacher and the boy will be all that is needed.

teatowel

The most obvious thing on this thread are there are some bat shit crazy parents about.
I think Cameron is right about his parenting classes, although I hate this gov personally. Parents today are so green to so many issues or in this case non issues it's scary.