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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re: Close family member ignoring DC birthday

44 replies

Allopinionswelcome · 24/01/2016 09:56

Have NC and am being deliberately vague about a few details.

Last week it was DC's 1st Birthday. We had a family party (aprox 20 people invited) and whilst it was low key it was a big deal to me PFB

A few hours before the party a close relative and someone I get along with fantastically sent a WhatsApp message to several family members... Scan picture and due date. Amazing, wonderful news and I immediately sent a message back offering my congratulations and saying I couldn't wait to give them a hug at the party.

I received a reply along the lines of "Sorry we wont be able to make the party as we had to travel to X city so we could have the scan today"

There was no mention of Happy Birthday to my DC. No acknowledgement at all.... I know it's petty but I am really upset.

I am thrilled about the pregnancy and have no issue with it being announced on DC's birthday, but it's the complete non acknowledgement of something important to me that hurts.

DH doesn't get why I was / am bothered so I am wondering if IABU?

OP posts:
Savagebeauty · 24/01/2016 09:57

Yes you are.

Sunbeam1112 · 24/01/2016 10:00

Its abit of a small thing to get upset over. They are probs excited about their pregnancy and forgot to wish your DC happy birthday.

MiddleClassProblem · 24/01/2016 10:01

YABU it's probably an oversight and your DC doesn't know if auntie whatsit wished them happy birthday even if you told them. Yes it would be nice to add it but they prob have just been caught up in the scan that they aren't thinking right.

PhilPhilConnors · 24/01/2016 10:01

YA maybe a bit U.

The excitement of the scan will have taken over, and because other peoples' childrens' birthdays aren't that important she's probably forgotten.
It's a big deal to you, but I don't think you can expect your child's birthday to be at the forefront of her mind.

I see why you're hurt, and she'll probably feel awful when she remembers, but in the long run, I don't think it's anything to be bothered about.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/01/2016 10:02

No ynbu. You congratulated her on her pregnancy, so she should have said. I'm sorry I can't make the party but tell little Allopinions Happy Birthday and give him a kiss from me.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 24/01/2016 10:03

Yes YABU. It was a big day for them. Understandably, specifically wishing your DC a happy birthday slipped their minds. But they did acknowledge it, didn't they? They apologised for not making the party. Not acknowledging it would have meant no reference to the party at all and they didn't do that.

Let this go. It's a non-issue.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 24/01/2016 10:03

Yes get over it
1st birthday parties we for the adults not the child, as are happy birthday wishes. They are excited about their pregnancy which is fr more important than your baby's birthday, it just is.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 24/01/2016 10:07

YABU, 20 people for a first birthday party is way OTT much so little wonder you're upset as you've built it up to be some sort of grand event.

Realistically, childrens pre school birthdays are only of interest to parents and maybe grandparents. Once at school they'll celebrate with friends.

BillBrysonsBeard · 24/01/2016 10:27

YABU- a big party for a 1 year old? Parties aren't for kids until they get to about 4/5, before then it's just for the parents. An excuse to get presents too. Your baby really won't care that they forgot to say Happy Birthday!

Zinni · 24/01/2016 10:31

YABU

Their minds are probably on the scan. This will naturally be far more exciting to them than your child's birthday!

Also early pregnancy can be a stressful time- nausea, tiredness, anxiety etc, it's not surprising they didn't want to come to party!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 24/01/2016 10:36

YABU. Big day for them, they mentioned the party, and your PFB is 1, they will have no memory of this relative not being there or wishing not them "happy birthday".

AlwaysHopeful1 · 24/01/2016 10:39

ThanksI know it's a big deal your baby turning 1.
I think maybe she is just too excited or focused on the scan and completely slipped her mind to let you know she's not coming. However as you mentioned seeing her at the party, she could have passed her wishes on to your dd.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/01/2016 10:42

Twists it around the other way then.
Aibu to be angry. I'm pregnant and we went for our first scan today, all lovely. Anyway we went to our ..............
Birthday party took him a little present. Allopinions. Didn't even congratulate me on my pregnancy. Now I know she has other things on her mind. Her sons birthday and getting his party sorted out Now. I wasnt expecting her to bow down doff her cap and kiss my feet because. Im pregnant, but surely one little word wouldn't have taken any effort.
I don't think she'd get 1 yabu. Yes her pregnancy is important to her, but so is Allopinions baby's birthday to her. It'd not just pregnant women who are important, you know

BarbarianMum · 24/01/2016 10:43

Actually I think she was rude (esp not to tell you she'd not be coming) and I can see why you'd be upset.

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2016 10:43

YABU, I'm pretty sure their minds were elsewhere for obvious reasons.

Also, I would feel a bit weird wishing a baby happy birthday, whether to the baby's face or through its parents.

If the baby was old enough to understand about birthdays, you might perhaps have a point.

Cleensheetsandbedding · 24/01/2016 10:45

YANBU
but they probally got swept up in their news. I'd let them off Wink

starry0ne · 24/01/2016 11:06

I am completely at odds with people but YANBU.

I few hours before the party they told you they would not make it so unless it was an emergency scan they would of know for weeks they had a scan.. So that would annoy me.

Morganly · 24/01/2016 11:22

YABU. I get why your child's first birthday party is a big deal for you but it is unreasonable to expect it to be a big deal for anyone else. Being hurt because someone (who has stuff of their own going on right now) forgot or omitted to say happy birthday to a baby is daft. If you carry on like this, you'll get a reputation as a self-centred drama queen.

GeoffreysGoat · 24/01/2016 11:24

It's Sunday, so private scan deliberately booked on the day of MiniOpinions party?*

I'd be pissed off. They should have at least said happy birthday in the text informing you they weren't coming

*obviously if they're at epau having had a scare this is irrelevant!

Katenka · 24/01/2016 11:25

Yabu. Your babies first birthday is a big deal to you.

This was a huge deal to her.

Your baby doesn't know if someone has said happy birthday or even what it means. Or even understand what a birthday is

First birthday party's are for parents not for the child. Which is fine, but this isn't a slight against your child

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/01/2016 11:25

Couldn't op hit back with. I know her pregnancy is important to her, but that doesn't mean its a big deal for everyone else

NinaSimoneful · 24/01/2016 11:27

Yanbu
Of course her pregnancy is important to her but the world doesn't stop when you get pregnant. How much effort would it take a close relative to wish someone a happy birthday?

She didn't forget, she mentioned the party and it's safe to assume she knew what was the occasion for the party.

And yes, the LO wouldn't have a clue who wished them a happy birthday or not but the parent would. Does. Or in this case, doesn't.

Oysterbabe · 24/01/2016 11:33

Are you upset that they stole your thunder a little bit?

rookiemere · 24/01/2016 11:43

YABU.

It's a text. Sometimes people forget to say everything in a text. She may be worried and anxious about the scan results - I know I was, no reason to be but you never know.

It's not like your DC would understand the birthday messages anyway.

She's pregnant so give her a pass and really the fact that you even mention that it was announced on your DC's birthday means that you are secretly a bit miffed about this and think they should have chosen a different day . But you shouldn't be, it's a birthday party for a child not old enough to know it's their birthday, not a wedding.

sootica · 24/01/2016 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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