re: Close family member ignoring DC birthday

[Allopinionswelcome]

Have NC and am being deliberately vague about a few details.

Last week it was DC's 1st Birthday. We had a family party (aprox 20 people invited) and whilst it was low key it was a big deal to me PFB

A few hours before the party a close relative and someone I get along with fantastically sent a WhatsApp message to several family members... Scan picture and due date. Amazing, wonderful news and I immediately sent a message back offering my congratulations and saying I couldn't wait to give them a hug at the party.

I received a reply along the lines of "Sorry we wont be able to make the party as we had to travel to X city so we could have the scan today"

There was no mention of Happy Birthday to my DC. No acknowledgement at all.... I know it's petty but I am really upset.

I am thrilled about the pregnancy and have no issue with it being announced on DC's birthday, but it's the complete non acknowledgement of something important to me that hurts.

DH doesn't get why I was / am bothered so I am wondering if IABU?

It's Sunday, so private scan deliberately booked on the day of MiniOpinions party?

The OP said this happened last week.

Scan may have been booked on a weekend day ( if indeed it was as last week) for many reasons. Perhaps the DH is unable to get time off during the week, perhaps they wanted a more detailed scan than you can get on the NHS. It seems highly unlikely that they would book it deliberately to miss a baby's birthday.

You're being silly to even let this cross your radar for more than a split second.

I don't think YABU to feel this way, but I think you're being a little over-sensitive about this.

You were throwing a party for your PFB, but she was going for a scan for her first baby - which in her world will definitely trump your baby! Remember back to how all-consuming your pregnancy was?

And if they had to travel to another city, perhaps all isn't quite well in her pregnancy? Maybe she's worried about it? Even if the pregnancy is progressing without any issues, it wouldn't be unusual to be worried about the health of the baby, would it?

Step back a bit, be glad for her (and hope that her baby is growing/progressing well), and say nothing to her.

I think they were incredibly rude and offhand. If they had accepted the invitation and you expected them letting you know on the day was cheeky. I'd be as disinterested in their child as they are in yours. Unless it was some sort of emergency and she was admitted into hospital. But if it was routine then they were totally in the wrong.

They were over excited and swept away with their news they will understand your miffedness when their baby comes along they just dont get it atm

YABU.

I know how it feels to have a family member ignore your DC though.
MY DDs uncles has met her 3 times in 3 years even though he passes our house on his way to work and could easily pop in and say hi.

If they hadn't sent a card or present and hadn't previously rsvp'd when you'd asked them too they were thoughtless if a close relative, but that's all just thoughtless.
If they had sent a card and therefore had already wished your sprog happy birthday then I wouldn't worry about it. How many happy birthdays does a 1 year old need?

Thanks for the replies.

We have a big family. This was immediate family and a few friends. We only invited the bare minimum!!

This was last weekend, it was a private scan and now I know 100% it was prebooked I didn't know this for sure at the time

Party was on dc's actual birthday. Relative knew as we'd spoken just the night before about having a last minute cake problem.

Fuck it I've probably outed myself anyway - it's my sister and not her pfb, they have another child who went to scan with then and also didn't come to the party. And my sister made a big fuck off deal about her child's 1st birthday!!

Sorry I know everyone hates a drip feed but I wanted to be purposely vague.

Everyone at party on my side of family was bemused about the announcement / no show but I can promise there was no thunder stealing I wanted my sister and her child there is all.

I said it in my first post she was rude if she didn't let you know in advance. t's nothing to do with first or second scan. If you get invited somewhere you let people know in a pollite way if you're not able to attend. You don't just not turn up. Except for emergencies which this wasn't. You can hardly not bother with her if she's your sister. Certainly don't put yourself out for her in any way in the forseeable future.

YANBU & your sister sounds rude.

It sounds like she didn't want to announce pregnancy before the scan, so she'd have had to make up a reason not to come to the party, which you would have thought strange.
Did she send a card/present?

Given new info, I think you're being less unreasonable but still, don't let this bother you. The important thing is that you enjoyed the party. :)

YANBU. Was she only the one with kids in immediate family? She may be jealous that her child is not the centre of attention anymore.

I would tell her that you were disappointed that she didn't come and didn't give you any notice.

I think she announced the pregnancy on the day of your party to pee on your ds's birthday cake. Sorry if that's harsh to her.

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable. I think it's really rude to give you no notice she wasn't coming & to actually book the scan for the day of the party. Hope you enjoyed the party anyway OP

Yanbu

I'd be pretty pissed tbh

I think some people are being a bit mean here.

YANBU, as others have said if this was reversed and you had not acknowledged her pregnancy nobody would say she wbu.

Yes, her pregnancy is an exiting time for her but that doesn't mean the world stops to revolve around her, as your sister she should have recognised this was important to you and at least have said happy birthday to her niece/nephew. Especially as she has dc already she knows it is an important day to the parents (in this case her sister!)

Incredibly rude not to give notice she wouldn't be there in my opinion

You haven't said if she totally ignored your child's birthday ie no card or present or just forgot to mention it on that particular text.

I think she was being unreasonable. If only from the point of view that she had presumably said she was coming to the party, than changed her mind at the last minute and told you as an afterthought. That is rude under any circumstances except an emergency really.