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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out a casual gentleman friend has a wife, wwyd

37 replies

Neaogeen · 24/01/2016 08:39

Someone I see regularly and have a good time with, has started unloading emotionally.

I said last night that he had a wife, I kind of thought he did have, but didn't want to know. I pretty much told him I don't want to hear it and its none of my business.

However I'm feeling pretty guilty this morning.

I know I'm not doing anything wrong, and he is as he's the married one but not sure I could meet up with him again and that upsets me :(

Ways really?

OP posts:
abbieanders · 24/01/2016 08:42

Unfriend.

Actually, he's not your friend anyway, he's a user.

OddBoots · 24/01/2016 08:43

You don't need us to answer this, do you?

You haven't directly said you have been sleeping with him but it sounds like you have been more than honest friends - he is married, you would be doing something wrong having a relationship with him, you need to break contact.

I know emotions make that difficult but it is still pretty clear cut.

ScoutandAtticus · 24/01/2016 08:47

He's not a gentleman for a start. He's a cheating arse. Run for the hills OP.

KoalaDownUnder · 24/01/2016 08:49

What?

Since when does 'I'm not the married one' = 'I'm not doing anything wrong?' Hmm

I think you need to stop seeing him, now that you know. Otherwise you will be very much 'doing something wrong'.

KoalaDownUnder · 24/01/2016 08:50

(Everyone's moral code is different, but you asked for opinions and that's mine.)

WeAllHaveWings · 24/01/2016 08:51

The minute you knew he was married and never told him to f*€% off you started doing something wrong.

Life's too short, don't waste your time and self respect on him.

MrsH1989 · 24/01/2016 08:52

Sleeping with a man you know is in a relationship is wrong.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 24/01/2016 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Neaogeen · 24/01/2016 09:06

Just to confirm I have not agreed to meet up with him again since I found out about the wife.

Now I know I would feel a bit in the wrong sleeping with him again.

I know I should just block and move on as no good will ever come of it, but its hard. I never thought I would be in this situation. I always silently judged people that were, but its different now I'm ijn it.

OP posts:
IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 24/01/2016 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Neaogeen · 24/01/2016 09:08

I'm not OK with this, my morality campus is going off like I'm in a scrap metal dealers with the magnet turned on. It's been going on for about 8-9 months, makes it difficult to move on.

OP posts:
IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 24/01/2016 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vestandknickers · 24/01/2016 09:12

Walk away.

GruntledOne · 24/01/2016 09:13

He's been lying to you for 9 months, FFS. Surely there's no debate here?

And you wouldn't be "a bit in the wrong" if you slept with him again. You would be completely, 100% in the wrong.

ProfGrammaticus · 24/01/2016 09:14

You've been turning a blind eye to it for a while, by the sound of it.

Move on. Block him. No good can come of this.

londonrach · 24/01/2016 09:16

Op you with a man who has lied to you and lied to his wife and you asking what to do. Step back op and view this situation as if a friend was asking you wwyd.

NerrSnerr · 24/01/2016 09:20

Block and ignore. Why would you want anything to do with someone who would fuck around behind his wife's back?

MrsAmaretto · 24/01/2016 09:25

He has lied to you. Why would you be friends and trust him?

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 24/01/2016 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyRoseViolet · 24/01/2016 09:29

If you genuinely didn't know he had a wife/partner then he is a lying, cheating git and you will be much better off without him. You know this. If you had an idea that he was in a relationship (how can it not come up in 9 mths) you've been silly to ignore your suspicions but now you do know you have to move on or risk causing more hurt to yourself and his wife.

whatsoever · 24/01/2016 09:30

He is more responsible as he is the married one but if you carry on seeing him knowing he has a wife, you are not blameless. Wave bye bye, put it down to experience etc

SmellyFartado · 24/01/2016 09:47

By continuing to see/sleep with him, you are doing something wrong as you are condoning his behaviour and adultery.

Dump/block/tell him to go fuck himself/etc and then find yourself a better partner and relationship based on honesty and respect.

londonrach · 24/01/2016 09:48

Forgot to add op as he has lied to you and his wife you dont know if he has lied to a third person..... Get yourself checked for sti.

QuiteLikely5 · 24/01/2016 09:53

Do you like being second best? Do you like to be kept as a thing to stick his dick in? Do you like being a secret and a dirty one at that?

Lying to you for nine months? Tell his wife

Fizrim · 24/01/2016 09:54

Has he lied to the OP, she said

I kind of thought he did have, but didn't want to know. I pretty much told him I don't want to hear it and its none of my business.

so the OP knew she was doing something wrong all the time! But of course it's all different with her ...