To hate hiding how odd i am

[Faye12345]

Hello all. Hope youre all ok. I wondered if anyone else hates hiding how bizarre they are? Im in a new job and its tiring because im having to adjust my personality to fit in. Anyone else with me?,

Tinklylittlelaugh, you've put into words exactly how I feel about gardening but could never quite express, thank you! So nice you made a great friend too.

I found that when I had the Meyers Briggs type indicator done (as part of a work thing) that I was one of the least usual personality types - now I am not sure that I believe in it, but I did feel it explained at least a little of the not fitting in thing.

Most of my friends tend to be as mad as March hares. What I want to know is, am I the straight guy to their funny or is it that I am just off the wall crazy as well? I have never fitted into conventional settings eithOP.

I wasn't trying to be unsympathetic to those posters who genuinely are struggling to find their way in social situations or office culture etc. it was more aimed at people saying things such as liking walking and nature is left field. It's really not. I also find that nearly everyone has some intriguing hobby or niche passion when you get to know them. Or that's my experience of my workplace.

Hmm I don't know, I live in a very naice middle class village. Lots of people are into things in quite a shallow, box ticking way. For instance, people would talk about nutrition and go on about their nutribullets and a bit of vegan tourism but if you talked to them about food miles and seasonal British eating they'd think you were a bit bonkers.

I think many people lack a passion too. Wondering what sort of sector you work in Alconleigh?

My GP is a nifty dancer but I wouldn't expect to to see him pirouetting around at his surgery.
Our DCs used to say about DH, " It's hard to imagine Dad being sensible and headmasterish".

Most people in professional roles have to subdue their personas if they want colleagues to respect them. Maybe you will just have to get used to it, OP.

[Iamcurious] I agree with you too.

"no opposing viewpoint was allowed"

Yes, some people just can't deal with disagreement or any kind of conflict. I think it comes from the family of origin - i.e. whether disagreement was allowed or suppressed. I find this worse in groups of women to be honest. There's a lot of fake niceness as well like 'Oh, I love your new haircut' when it's horrible (not that they should say it's horrible, but they could just not mention it).

Specialist IT development and wider consulting. And no, not all the passions are computer game or fantasy role play related!

I think it is all about finding the right environment in which to thrive. I am convinced I am probably just living in the wrong part of the country. If I lived, say down in Devon or somewhere more eco-conscious I wouldn't look so eccentric and would have people to talk to. As it is, if I mention animal friendly shampoo or fairtrade bananas I am marked down as distinctly strange. My work environment is frighteningly normal.

I am similar OP in that I spend a lot of time alone and have hermit like tendency. I like people but only a few at a time. group dynamics leave me panicky/stresed. I do find pretending to be more social and extrovert than I am exhausting.....but that persona is what's valued by employers and gets me work (contractor)

For me,it's my belief system that makes me odd

We may not share the same belief system, but I think, unfortunately, mainstream media has a brainwashing effect that makes people very closed off to any idea that mainstream media repeatedly says is absurd or bad, often without even backing up such sweeping statements with arguments.

The examples of oddness on this thread seem to be along the lines of odd views. It is not everyday conversational fodder. Cannot really see a reason in a work context to go into such convo topics. Hence, I think that is why people back away because they are just reluctantly making polite chit chat but not wanting to get drawn into serious conversation.

"Cannot really see a reason in a work context to go into such convo topics."

Sometimes you hear people having those conversations though and have to bite your tongue because you know it would lead to an argument. The monarchy one is an example. My colleagues celebrated the queen's birthday. I declined to join in, but I didn't really want a heavy discussion on the politics of it. Luckily they just accepted that I didn't want to join.

OP new jobs are hugely stressful - and really we all want to get along with our colleagues, don't we? We spend too much time at work to want to feel lonely or outcast and the superficial chat that goes with aquaintance is harder for some of us than for others. I just make sure I am interested in others, ask them things and listen, and in time I have built some lovely and unexpected friendships from colleagues. That's taken a year or two though which seems an inordinate amount of time at the beginning.
And they still only know bits of the unusual things about me - I can count on one hand the times it's been appropriate to talk about my faith, fractured families, or any of the things I might think make me different.

I was hopeless in an entirely office based environment though - it was all just so false. Maybe it was that job, and those people. Though I have a shared office now, I don't spend much time in it, which is win-win!

Ack have to agree with the comment up-thread about all these supposed examples of quirkiness being nothing out of the ordinary. About 25% of people want Britain to be a republic - not liking the royal family is hardly a niche view. Nor are mindfulness or introspection(!) an unusual activities. Yes you're special, but you're not more special than anyone else. It's a fallacy to assume that just because only a few people share your political views or interests, everyone else has identical political views or interests. That's not how it works!

I have to agree with some of the PPs who are saying that most of the views being posted as odd are actually pretty normal. The people I think of at work as being odd are the ones who overshare at the slightest opportunity or shout their opinions at the top of their voice across the office. I don't care what they are interested in but if I am trying to get something done I don't want to hear them talk about anything for 20 minutes.
There is one woman in our office who is always going on about how arty, spiritual etc she is. A yes or no question about something work related will be answered and then followed up with a long exposition on how this relates to something she once did that is sooo weird and interesting and 'aren't we all so unfortunate that we don't do interesting things like her'. Then when you get to the point of ignoring her to try and get some work done, she will turn to some other poor unfortunate to tell them how misunderstood she is and how if we we were all as interesting as her we wouldn't be so unhappy.
I am not suggesting the OP or anyone else is socially clueless and self absorbed like my colleague but my experience is that the people at work who don't fit in are the ones that can't pick up the social cues rather than having different personalities or interests (I have few interests in common with my colleagues and get on just fine). I know there is no easy fix though.

As I have got older I have embraced who I am . I worked in higher education where eccentricities are tolerated far more, though it does seem to be becoming more corporate. Both DH and I have been described as odd, the only two people weird enough for each other as one of our mutual friends described us.

Of course people want to feel part of the in crowd. I Have with practice become good at being chameleon like and adjusting myself if needs be to fit in with whoever I'm around. For instance swearing really doesn't bother me and I'm quite fond of using expletives. I use none when at church apart from the time I said shit to the Vicar who found it hilarious as people never swore around her.

I find it hard to drop in to conversation my loves, the American civil war, the social history of death, Xbox and feats of Victorian engineering.

We all have to adjust our behaviour sometimes, especially at work, which is why many people hate work. It's not the actual work itself it's the having to conform bit.

I agree with wulfy. The odd ones are the ones who come across too intense. I think OP is right to suppress any odd views until she knows her colleagues better. The best time to sound any colleagues out is after people have had a few drinks and in a more relaxed after works social setting.

As a pp above said, the odd ones aren't the ones that have different opinions. You can have some really interesting debates if you have the time or you can socialise quite well with and be friendly with people who have wildly opposing views to yours. People can generally accept each other for who they are and silently agree to disagree.
Some people who are seen to be odd are the ones who want to convert you. I dont have a problem debating different views but I back off pretty damn quick if their agenda is to make me feel bad because I don't agree with their views.

The other odd ones are the ones who don't pick up the social cues. It's not what they are saying but how they say it, or they don't pick up on non verbal cues or they say something in 10 sentences where one would do and they haven't picked up on your non verbal cues that they are going on a bit. They can't differentiate between a situation where those 10 sentences are appropriate and interesting to someone - they may well be to some people, and where they need to back off. It's all a bit of a social dance together. People shuffle backwards and forwards subconsciously reading each other's non verbal cues all the time. Odd people tread on each other's toes. Almost getting that dance, but not quite in time with each other.

Quietbatperson - local government is the worst place for people who don't conform. I found office work really depressing.

So what are good careers/work environments where it is ok to express an opinion and have a different view? I found archives good, teaching adult education, working in higher education and running my own business all good.
Local government and primary education have been the worst so far.