To wonder why I never learn my lesson about the local hv baby clinic....

[SexDrugsAndSausageRoll]

What is it about them (our local, have lived elsewhere near good ones)?

Ours are just awful, yet I still took my baby after exactly the same experience with my other kids...

Big room, first I just walk in (one other mum in there) to be told I must wait to be called in... So sit on chair outside, she follows me out, my arse glances the plastic and she says "come in". Ok.... Done the dance

Go to the first mat to change, "oh no we queue the babies starting here" . No other babies are present, ok....so I move along and use another.

Weigh baby, watch wrong centile be plotted...ok, saves that chat about weight gain...

Finally see hv, say I'd like to ask about dd's squint "oh she doesn't have one". She does, showed photos to make it clearer. "Well even if I referred her they'd say just wait and see" so I asked can you refer her? "No, only GPs can". Ok...wasted a protracted chat there!

Then clinic has begun to fill up, row of mums has formed and are listening now ( fair enough not much else to do). Booming voice looking at red book, oh her sister has (insert multiple referrals and condition). Is she looked after properly??? (Very loud). Er... No we keep her under the stairs...bye now. "Can I have your mobile number to call you?" Prefer not thanks...

Just... Surreal

I've had refs from hv for young kids with "flat feet". It worries the parents no end and young kids are supposed to be flat footed.

No wonder they stopped them doing referrals.

I was told to give my DD cooled boiled water for constipation but not to give her anything like gripe water cause it was too "watery" . The one that makes me angry is we had hv and the nurse from her team out a couple of times to see my dd's walking (she was a late walker and still had a bit of a waddle as well as other issues I was concerned about) and was told oh she's fine, its just about confidence followed by the patronising first time mum head tilt. Cue her getting diagnosed with severe bilateral hip dysplasia a few months later followed by several surgeries and a future of xrays and more potential for surgery.

Every health visitor I have come in to contact with both as a parent and in the course of my work has been a waste of space.

Was slightly more concerned when I saw the GP who did her 6 week check a few weeks after diagnosis for something unrelated and when I mentioned DD's DDH diagnosis her first question was what's that? When I explained and made a face they totally back tracked "oh yes of course silly me". No longer see the Dr or health visitor

They're crap. Every one I have ever cone across.

The ones in this area are obsessed with the fucking ages and stages questionnaires. Those ones that mention cheerios. Repeatedly.
As a parent if a developmentally delayed child it isn't much fun filling them out every time you see the health visitor.

Plus refusing point blank to talk about formula milk in any way, shape or form 'because we are banned from talking about it'.

Yanbu. Oh dear, I had hoped they might have improved. After feeling nothing but stress over the whole baby clinic thing with DC1 I did learn my lesson and never took DC2. She's perfectly healthy and none the worse for her lack of HV input. I suspect they forgot she existed in the end.

Ours is fine for getting babies weighed, very hit a miss on advice. Some really good, some misguided, some just slightly random. I was told to try the "elastic band" method of gentle sleep training. Never been able to find anything about it.

www.katedaymond.co.uk/help.html

Elastic band method sounds a perfect recipe for exhaustion!!

My DS handily shut one down last time.
"Can you draw a face?"
DS nods and she hands him paper and a pencil.
"Draw a circle"
DS draws a circle.
"Give it some eyes."
DS gives it eyes.
"Can you give it a smiley mouth?"
DS draws a grumpy mouth and gives it fangs.
"I thought you were going to draw a smiley face."
"No, I drawed you."

High five kid!

I love your ds.

When DD was a baby I took her every week to baby clinic because I thought I had to. When she was 5 months I was told off because she had slowed down with her weight gain that my breast milk wasn't good enough and she needed to be on formula, I cried as I thought it was all my fault, by the time I realised it was total bullshit my milk had dried up and it was too late.
DS1 and 2 have never been to the clinic and haven't been weighed since the midwives discharged me.
When ds2 had his 2 year check (at 2 years and 9 months) I mentioned that I was worried about his speech and they told me they would refer me but there was a long wait. She never made the referral and I didn't realise until 6 months later when I asked his preschool to see if they could chase it up for me, I was so pissed off. He's 5 now and has been going every three weeks for 18 months with possibly another year needed.

Oh yes, the referral ridiculousness... Still waiting for the hearing test referral the HV told me was urgently needed at his 2 yr check.

He's now almost 6. Had an ear op a couple of months ago.

Wasted 12 mths waiting for the 'referral' to come through. Was brushed off, oh it's always a long wait.

A longer wait, of course, if it hasn't been done.

Am thinking back as I can't recall a GP ever failing to put a referral through then making reassuring noises instead of actually checking and correcting their failure.

I wonder if HV ever get held responsible for all the errors and bad stories. I suspect they don't, as people are just happy to get away from the rubbish ness and get on with life.

On the other hand my HV DID make an OT referral, 3 months later the HV chased it up and phoned me up very apologetically because OT didn't accept HV referrals but hadn't bothered to tell her this until she chased it up. As it happened ds paediatrician had made another referral in the meantime so it didn't delay things much.

Hello! I had to drop in and sing the praises of my hv... Incredibly supportive and kind. I always feel like she is a great person to go for for advice... Like talking to a friend! Also she has training in mental health which was/is invaluable to me

I asked how old DS had to be before I could put sun cream on (it was a blazing summer and I was nervous!) and the 4 of them conferred as if they were on a quiz show and eventually told me that no-one knew because none of them had ever been asked about sun protection before. 4 of them! Never been asked!

I got a letter 2 weeks ago for a HV antenatal appointment arranged without my input. An appointment in the middle of the day, last Weds. I don't start mat leave until next week so I left a message on the given number to cancel, lo and behold I get a slip through the door about my missed appointment. I'm probably on some list now for failing to attend an appointment I didn't make/want. And the slip suggests I ring the same number I left my cancellation message on to make a new appointment I don't want. They can fuck off.

Mine just booked her pre-birth home visit. I'll be watching through narrowed eyes...

I have had a mixed bag of health visitors. For my children and later on when I worked as a BFC seen some amazing ones and some horrific ones

The one I had with DD1 was terrible. She told me that if I raised dd bilingual she would have delayed speech.

with dd2 I was told when she went on nursing strike at 10 months " if you can get her through another month you can just put her on cows milk"

With DS the one I had was fine. Nothing to notice.

with DD3 I went in one day to be told that her cloth nappy was a problem... Then when she was weighed and had not put on more than 4 oz in 3 weeks she was horrified (despite my having explained both of us had been very sick me having a temp of 41 twice in that period) She then proceeded to tell me about how I HAD to give formula.. (no I dont I explained) She continued it was important I did (again I explain no she would stay EB) She then says that I HAD to come to get her weighed weekly.. I state that is not likely to be something I would wish to do with my 4th child.. She then put her hand on my arm and said in this low tone. " we have ways of ensuring you do like we want you to you know" I gathered my half dressed baby up in my arms yanked the red book from the HV hand and took the bag stormed out of the room and downstairs to my GP's office and stated to the receptionist " I want to see - my gp name- and I want to see him NOW".. the receptionist took one look at me and said " sit down Mrs Enkopkaffetak I will get you in next" (she later told me she could see I was livid angry) I went in to speak with my lovely gp who listened and told me he would deal with the situation & that there was no concerns about any of my children.. About a month later I came in for her jabs he said to me " about the other matter.. It has been dealt with and wont happen again" Said HV never spoke to me again. (and dd3 is now 12 and perfectly healthy 50th centile line and 75th for height)

When working as a BFC I saw some HV who went beyond what you would expect One who drove a new mum to the CC every week as she didn't have a way to get there. One who in her spare time got a mothers group set up/ One who actively sought to further her knowledge and would come in to sit with me as a BFC to hear what i was saying and would ask to further understand. One who admitted to have formula fed who went on to read extensively about BF to learn how to help new mothers (and she turned out great at it in the end) I also saw some who were not the best at their job who did things I was concerned about.. However overall I think that it is about us all having jobs we are well suited for and some we are not so much.

When we moved dd3 was almost 4 so I ticked the " do not need HV care" to get a HV calling me about a month later. I was rather confused when she insisted they needed to see us and come to the clinic to have her weighed etc.. Until I posted out to her that I had not opted in for the HV service.. She went completely silent then said " oh we thought you had just forgotten so ticked it for you" they had never had a mum saying no... I then explained dd was my 4th and I didnt feel the need. suddenly the tone completely changed and she laughed and said " OHH I understand now why you dont feel the need for us.. Well if you need us then do phone" She later on became one of the HV I enjoyed working with the most..

ihaterain, I wish the HVs at my clinic were banned from talking about formula, they seem desperate to get babies onto it. Regardless of weight, formula top ups and bottles get mentioned every time I go.

Particular gems in the 4.5 months we've had contact with them:

• "your breast milk isn't good enough for him any more" (at 13 weeks...);

• "your baby must go to bed between 1930 and 2000". Regardless of what time he gets up, what naps he's had, etc.

• "We give you until 24 weeks to start weaning but you must have weaned your baby by then" (my friend got this...)

• "Put your baby to sleep on his tummy". When I queried how this sat with current advice to put babies on their backs, I was told that I would have been put on my tummy to sleep as a baby and it clearly did me no harm. Well, yes, but I was also allowed to bounce around in the boot of my friend's estate car without a seat belt...call me precious, but I don't plan to do that with DS .

Still, I can blame my attitude problem on the fact that I have a sibling very close to me in age. The HV who visited us in day 10, when all I wanted was advice on feeding, told me that all siblings with less than a two year age gap have behavioural problems. All of them.

It's a shame because I'd love to see someone decent but I've seen four or five HVs now and always come away wondering where on earth they find them.

Acat that is terrible advice. I disagree about being banned from talking about formula as to some extent they already are and if you are formula feeding your baby you still need to be able to get advice. Perhaps having some better training on breast feeding and how to support women having difficulties so they can continue would be more appropriate. I wonder how much CPD they have to do each year and what stipulations there are for it as if you have been a HV for 20+ years a lot could have changed since you trained.

Acat I mean the advice you were given by the HV was terrible...

I only took ds once - horrendous and after that we only went for his jabs or if he needed to see the doctor as the gp did a drop in clinic for the kids.

Ds is disabled so there was never any point him having the development tests - partly because he would "fail" them and partly because his paediatrician and community nurse were taking care of everything anyway

My HV changed all the answers on my Edinburgh test and explained that it was normal to cry with a newborn. Having been shutdown so thoroughly, I never screwed up the courage to ask for help again and seven years later I still struggle with the aftermath of undiagnosed PND.

Another HV came round, told me all about her mother's funeral, her responsibilities as eldest child, her siblings. Never once asked about the baby or me. I was was very supportive of her (because I was a nice new mum shell-shocked with PND) but it wasn't really appropriate.

And none of them had the maths skills to weigh a baby and calculate and plot their growth. Basic bloody primary school stuff. Thank fuck they had moved out of nursing into a role where they didn't need to dispense medication.

doesn't seem like things have changed much since the DDs were small . DD1 failed her 2 year check as she cooked the bricks for dinner in a toy pan rather than building a tower with them , and DD3 failed because she didn't want to play with strange boys in a strange hall, she wanted to sit with mummy and join in the grown ups form filling.

Did freak out a whole host of HVs one time with DD3s fabulous multicoloured teddy bear pattern cloth nappies and leopardprint wrap combo though, they'd never seen anything like it and wondered how i coped without a washing machine . As if choosing cloth nappies (as though it was the dark ages) also meant not having modern conveniences .

blaeberry, I quite agree - comment about banning discussion of formula was meant to be tongue in cheek! I completely agree that they should support parents regardless of their feeding choices.

I struggled to get advice on mix feeding, especially in relation to formula. My DS lost 17% of his birth weight by day 5 and we were re-admitted to hospital so, when the HV showed up on day 10, I really wanted advice on mix feeding as we were giving formula top ups.

Unfortunately, she wasn't able to offer anything beyond a leaflet on bottle feeding, i.e. how to make and sterilize bottles. Well, I can read the instructions on the formula bottles as well as the next person, but I would have really welcomed advice on how much to offer as a top up feed, how frequently, and how to offer formula in such a way that complemented breastfeeding, as I was desperate for DS to get what he needed but also keen to move towards exclusive breastfeeding. Maybe my expectations were unrealistic but I don't think it's that unusual a situation and, as a first-time mum who'd lost all her confidence, I'd have welcomed advice and support.

Of course, once we moved to exclusive breastfeeding (and I found my support elsewhere, community midwives were great, as were DM and La Leche League), formula has been mentioned pretty much every other visit despite DS gaining weight nicely and following his centile.

I admit I did lose it when I was told "your breast milk isn't good enough for him, you need to give him formula at night and get his father to give it so you get a break". DS won't accept a bottle from DP consistently, certainly not in the evening when tired, and I'd already tried top ups to see whether hunger was the problem. Told the HV that when I'd needed advice on feeding, I'd got nothing and now feeding was going well, I didn't welcome not being supported with my feeding choices. I may have been marked down as stroppy; suspect she may have wanted to retract the comment she wrote in DS's red book on day 10: "Mother Appears Emotionally Stable"

Over the years I've met some horrors. My first experance with one was fantastic she was the most supportive human being I have ever encountered and I'm gutted that she retired many years ago.

Sadly since then all without exception have been either ineffective or unplesant. Ive been lucky enough to only be a service user with the ineffective pointless ones but I have the utmost sympathy for the great many clients of mine who have the unplesant ones.

And I cannot for the life of me understand why on earth it is considered acceptable for what is alledgedly a health care service with a HCP to do consultations in public areas in front of ques of other service users