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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why I never learn my lesson about the local hv baby clinic....

123 replies

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 21/01/2016 11:52

What is it about them (our local, have lived elsewhere near good ones)?

Ours are just awful, yet I still took my baby after exactly the same experience with my other kids...

Big room, first I just walk in (one other mum in there) to be told I must wait to be called in... So sit on chair outside, she follows me out, my arse glances the plastic and she says "come in". Ok.... Done the dance

Go to the first mat to change, "oh no we queue the babies starting here" . No other babies are present, ok....so I move along and use another.

Weigh baby, watch wrong centile be plotted...ok, saves that chat about weight gain...

Finally see hv, say I'd like to ask about dd's squint "oh she doesn't have one". She does, showed photos to make it clearer. "Well even if I referred her they'd say just wait and see" so I asked can you refer her? "No, only GPs can". Ok...wasted a protracted chat there!

Then clinic has begun to fill up, row of mums has formed and are listening now ( fair enough not much else to do). Booming voice looking at red book, oh her sister has (insert multiple referrals and condition). Is she looked after properly??? (Very loud). Er... No we keep her under the stairs...bye now. "Can I have your mobile number to call you?" Prefer not thanks...

Just... Surreal

OP posts:

BoffinMum · 21/01/2016 13:36

Mine have been really great but the baby clinic was so bloody patronising to me the first time I went with DD I never went to a baby clinic again. They just seemed to be there to flog formula and weigh healthy kids obsessively. It was all very unmedical and replete with old wives' tales and power struggles.

The two year checks we had with the HV were very good and picked up DS's disabilities and then helped us sort him out ready for school.

RoboticSealpup · 21/01/2016 13:40

My hv told me that shaken baby syndrome is what happens when a father who doesn't know how to hold a newborn picks it up without supporting its head and goes "coochie-coochie-coo", jiggling then back and forth.

Clearly she must be incompetent at best and i probably should have reported her, but as an anxious first time mum who was absolutely petrified of accidentally harming my tiny, precious, fragile baby, I spent the next month out two worrying about picking her up too fast or going over bumpy roads with the pram.

That fucking bitch bloody woman caused me so much unnecessary stress.

BrainWillingBodyNotSoMuch · 21/01/2016 13:40

Sometimes fine, other times awful. The last time I went she was very patronising and then said he was at risk of rickets because he didn't have multivitamins every day (some days I struggled to get his meds into him so multivitamins was a bonus) and he was at risk because whenever he went outside he would be smothered in suncream. She sucked her teeth at him using a dummy for going to sleep and using a mixture of home cooking and jars was severely frowned upon. He was prem and went from the 5th centile to the 91st centile despite awful reflux and allergies so eating anything was good.
Not sure ill be going to the 2 yr check.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 21/01/2016 13:48

Bizarre is a good word for ours. Many mums clearly don't mind though.

I'm just not really cut out for it. When I get asked things like "why aren't you using the baby groups" my brain provides "I can't Cba and would rather eat chocolate in bed on the free time the others are at nursery/ school". But then I'm lucky I haven't needed support, it could wreck you if you did

OP posts:

roomonmybroom · 21/01/2016 13:51

Regarding the squint, they are right, even if you go to your GP it is unlikely they will refer you at a very young age, it was many years ago so recollection is a little hazy, but sure my Dr told me DS would need to be 5 or 6 before GP would refer, I paid for a private consultation at private hospital for assessment (about £100) whom agreed DS needed surgery sooner rather than later (I had the same squint and have complications due to nothing being done soon enough) so the consultant referred DS to the NHS for the surgery, all was done before he was 4.
All is fine now and glad I did it sooner, as he cannot recall ever having surgery, unlike me 3 operations later, the middle one in my teens, was much fun going to college with a patch!
So you do have to really, really push for it at a young age I guess is my point.

insan1tyscartching · 21/01/2016 13:54

The HV who brought dd's book said she expected to see us at the clinic. I told her I wouldn't be going as I hadn't been since the first time with my first and she was my fifth and had no intention of changing that. She said "But how will you know that she's growing?" I said I'd guess that she was when she outgrew her clothes like I did with the others

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 21/01/2016 13:55

Thanks room, I just have no experience of it. Needed to hear something about it really as didn't know if I should do anything. All mine had squints that were occasional and they grew out of but dd. seemed unusual as they are always at the same angle.

OP posts:

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 21/01/2016 13:58

It makes me feel really sad that care is so different across the country reading these threads. My HV and the clinics were brilliant, they were supportive and helpful, they helped me breast feed and bottle feed. They only ever offered me advice on local groups for my own benefit, didn't ever make me feel I was doing anything 'wrong' or 'not enough'. I am so thankful for that.

I only took DS3 once to be weighed, but I was a third-time mum by then and didn't need telling

OutingMyself · 21/01/2016 14:02

I had some really lovely ones where we lived when DD was tiny. They saw her tongue tie and sorted it out really quickly.

Then we moved to a different county and they were really awful. When she was about 12/13 months old the HV made a disgusted face when I said I was still breastfeeding, then told me she HAD to be drinking a pint of cows milk a day and if I couldn't get her to drink it I should give it to her in custard.

The most annoying time though was when I mentioned how poorly she slept but didn't want to do controlled crying. They got me to write a sleep diary for two weeks so the HV could go over it and see where I was going wrong and said they could help me do it without controlled crying. I filled it in religiously for two weeks, really hopeful that they be able to help me. I detailed what time I started trying to get her to sleep and what time she actually went to sleep (took about two hours most nights). When they came round to look at it they said 'Well, she's not going to sleep early enough' and 'she's not getting enough sleep'. The only other bit of advice they gave me was 'Yes, she will cry. There's going to be crying one way or another'. Absolutely no practical advice on moving her into her own cot and out of my bed. It makes me livid to think about it.

LBOCS2 · 21/01/2016 14:04

My HV was great. She checked I had lots of local support, filled out the red book, told me I was welcome in clinic and then left me well alone. My favourite sort!

FWIW, I had DD referred for a squint when she was about 12mo by my GP. She was sent through to the hospital where they took it very seriously - even though it was actually nothing and it was a visual effect due to the width of her nose bridge. Because I have terrible eyesight they're keeping an eye on hers but she definitely doesn't have a squint.

Bogeyface · 21/01/2016 14:08

The whole thing is great, but watch from 5:30 onwards, it is the exact description of me with DS1 and our local clinic :o

peppielillyan · 21/01/2016 14:09

Glad I never took my child to HV... :-)
the practice in Central London, and many but not all London boroughs is that you can self refer your child.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 21/01/2016 14:14

Bogeyface FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!

Bogeyface · 21/01/2016 14:15

I always pmsl at "No, he's just ugly, its probably your fault" :o:o

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud · 21/01/2016 14:15

Mine told me that dd needed to be on 3 meals by 4 months or she wouldn't 'survive the winter'

OutingMyself · 21/01/2016 14:16

Crikey, that's scary.

Bogeyface · 21/01/2016 14:17

heyyou :o Did she confuse your DD with a tortoise?! Did she tell you to make sure you put enough hay in her box?

Jw35 · 21/01/2016 14:17

I never bothered with baby clinic but hv's advice so far has been pretty useless 'you shouldn't feed her to sleep' but she SLEEPS THROUGH! Why would I mess with that? And 'cut down from 3 bottles to 1 but take these vitamin drops' why? If she needs vitamins surely it's better to keep the bottles?

Also I was once at a baby group run by the children's centre. Dd was 6 months old and one of the staff asked me how she got the bruise on her head. I didn't see a bruise so got referred to a hv. Then I was told she ought to phone social services but if I agree to go straight to the doctors surgery she wouldn't!

I had carried the baby 2 miles that day in a sling so had to wait 3 hours in the park for the out of hours doctor to see her at 5pm

Then I had loads of horrid questions and full body check to look for bruises and was told it 'might be the shape of her head'! I had to go back a week later and he confirmed it was indeed the gape of her forehead! No wonder I didn't see it. It's great they're careful but it was a horrible way to be treated.

NanaNina · 21/01/2016 14:18

My mom told me almost 50 years ago not to go to the baby clinic with my first baby (I was a very young mom) I was the youngest of 4 girls - we were born in the late 1930s and 40s. My sister (born in 1940) was a "sickly baby" - couldn't keep any milk down - and apparently looked "poorly" and my mom hated the baby clinic as they made her feel she wasn't looking after her baby. Not sure why she went but it might have been to get milk tokens and free orange juice. So one day she put rouge on my sister's cheeks and the HVs were delighted with her progress!

She's a very health 76 year old now and doesn't wear rouge! I used to go to the clinic to get the milk tokens (probably a thing of the past) but never bothered with weighing my baby as I could see he was doing fine.

NanaNina · 21/01/2016 14:29

BlackMarigold · 21/01/2016 14:29

OP - most opticians will check babies for squints and refer on to hospital if needed, phone for an appointment as the baby person sometimes only comes in on certain days.
People often think they're speaking to a HV at clinic but they're too busy with child protection so clinics may be run by the "skill mix" team i.e. nursery nurses and support workers/HV assistants. If you get stupid advice please complain to the Primary Care Trust, so they don't carry on spouting rubbish to people who might really need help.

NanaNina · 21/01/2016 14:30

Sorry for duplicate - it's my age - memory loss!

LovelyFriend · 21/01/2016 14:35

HV seemed quite pointless to me with my 2 DC.

By the time I had DD2 I had wised up & just took her to be weighed at the GP baby clinic couple of times.

HV's aren't compulsory.

blaeberry · 21/01/2016 14:37

That Victoria wood clip about asking the boilerman about epidurals reminds me of a talk by a surgeon who operated on women with fistulas in Africa - they had trained up the porter to do epidurals.

SometimesItRains · 21/01/2016 14:51

With regard to the squint - I think practice may have changed. We were certainly referred by the health visitor at DS1's 1 year check about 5 years ago. We then had to keep going to the hospital every 6 months for a full check up on his eyes - they were pretty sure there was no problem but until he would cover one eye and do the tests with the other one they wouldn't sign him off - took us three goes I think.

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