To wonder why I never learn my lesson about the local hv baby clinic....

[SexDrugsAndSausageRoll]

What is it about them (our local, have lived elsewhere near good ones)?

Ours are just awful, yet I still took my baby after exactly the same experience with my other kids...

Big room, first I just walk in (one other mum in there) to be told I must wait to be called in... So sit on chair outside, she follows me out, my arse glances the plastic and she says "come in". Ok.... Done the dance

Go to the first mat to change, "oh no we queue the babies starting here" . No other babies are present, ok....so I move along and use another.

Weigh baby, watch wrong centile be plotted...ok, saves that chat about weight gain...

Finally see hv, say I'd like to ask about dd's squint "oh she doesn't have one". She does, showed photos to make it clearer. "Well even if I referred her they'd say just wait and see" so I asked can you refer her? "No, only GPs can". Ok...wasted a protracted chat there!

Then clinic has begun to fill up, row of mums has formed and are listening now ( fair enough not much else to do). Booming voice looking at red book, oh her sister has (insert multiple referrals and condition). Is she looked after properly??? (Very loud). Er... No we keep her under the stairs...bye now. "Can I have your mobile number to call you?" Prefer not thanks...

Just... Surreal

I'm sorry you have a rubbish local clinic, a good HV is absolutely invaluable.

Please do get your DD's squint checked out soon though, go to the GP and ask for a red reflex test. This will rule out the very very VERY unlikely possibility of anything serious causing it, but will put your mind at rest. HVs should be aware of this need and it makes me so cross when I hear bad advice being given out.

I've been very lucky so far - HV for DD encouraged me to seek counselling and helped s great deal with BFing. I didn't really listen to advice on sleep though because it didn't suit us.

RE the squint, get it checked out asap. DD was referred at nine months old by the HV (they DO do this!) And has been wearing glasses for over a year now (she's 2 in March).

next time someone's banging on about hardworking, self-sacrificing NHS staff, remember that these people too are NHS staff!
My HV is lovely in terms of personality, but has completely failed me and my DD on a breastfeeding issue that means my DD gets even less BF than she was getting before.
It's all very well being nice, but give me a less personable but effective HV and I'd be a million times happier. I should say that's she's working in a shit system where individual GPs have too much power.

The hv who came to my house initially was lovely. The ones at the baby clinic were absolutely vile- they acted like I was stupid because I didn't know how it worked having never been before- then were suprised I only ever went twice. They also didn't have a clue about plotting weight for prem babies and more or less accused me of lying about it!

Oh thanks will ask about squint.

As I said I should have learnt. When dd was 5 months I saw them because she had little head control and couldn't move one arm proper stiff and flexed, wouldn't straighten.

This was not an issue "as long as she sits by nine months, don't brother your doctor mummy". I did. Dd didn't sit at nine months either funnily enough.

Sexdrugs

I had similar with DS, was told I was looking for problems. I pushed it and ended up with a brain scan at 13 months and a diagnosis of cerebal palsy. I felt that going back and telling them that if I was looking for problems, I wouldnt have looked for that one!

snap bogey

But hey, we were only with them for every day since they were born, what did we know.....?

I was young when I had DS and I am sure that that affected how they treated me. I was 18 and was definitely patronised and looked down on.

I think I fit fussy mum profiling ? though i probably actually should fuss

Oh god I hated baby clinics. When I had DD1 I was quite young and got told I had to go every week as "we like to keep a closer eye on Mums like you". I was 20, not 12.
I got told off when I refused to remove DD2s pavlik harness for weighing as I'd been told by the consultant not to take it off at all. The harness only weighed 300g, they could have weighed her with it on but the hv refused!
They became very concerned that she hadn't been bathed for 8 weeks because of the harness and tried to imply I was neglecting her.
She was perfectly clean, strip wash every day!
I went once with DD3 and never again. It was the most disorganised thing I'd ever seen.
You had to leave your red book on the desk and they'd call you. Except they called the top books first.
So if you got there first, your book would be on the bottom of the pile so you'd get called last!
The hv then said that I should only bring the baby to clinic. What she thought I was supposed to do with 2 year old DD2 I'm not sure.
It's a shame, I know people who loved clinic but I wasn't one of them!

re the squint,from reading this thread I think it may be a case of some can refer,others cant? DD is 2 and has been diagnosed with a pseudo squint,when I asked our old HV (since moved) she couldnt make a referal but our current HV could have done this for us. Current HV though is a former neo-natal nurse,school nurse and undergone loads of additional training beyond the usual HV stuff,i know this as shes my best mates mum. So maybe its something to do with that? or even varies by nhs trust?

Such a shame so many people have bad experiences with the health visitor,they're invaluable,even to me whos never had any real issues. Even our old one who couldnt give the referal we needed was brilliant and always had time for my stupid,pfb questions.

Bogeyface

Thank you - still crying!

My Dd was referred for her squint by the HV when she was 18 months old. She got glasses and still has glasses now at age 12.

I'd try the optician too about the squint - have found opticians really helpful and ours is brilliant with my uncooperative toddler!

The worst advice I had from a HV (that BLW was really dangerous) turned out not to be from a hv as others have said - it was a nursery nurse filling in at the clinic.

Just smile, nod and ignore

Love that video
I wish I'd thought to watch comedy & stand up on pregnancy and birth - I think I'd have learnt much more!

I interviewed an absolutely amazing HV for work, and if that was the standard, or even vaguely close, it would be brilliant. But the ones I met as a new mother, ugh. Worse than seeing no one at all. Make you paranoid and inadequate, and the advice was a confusing mix of completely wrong and weird old wives tales with a sprinkling of quasi-medical bullshit to justify it

There was a mix up re mapping percentiles (ie. They didn't do it properly), and was told I HAD to go to the GP or A&E (?!)... To be laughed at by the GP and told to ignore the HV as they keep doing this and wasting everyone's time.

And of course, not helpful at all when there was actually something very wrong.

I know I'm adding to the 'bash the HV' vibe on here, but really, I was astounded when I found out they are actually more qualified than nurses, and do a nursing degree then a masters. Yet the inaccurate and frankly made up 'advice' they give out under the guise of healthcare. It's bonkers.

I think it would help a lot if it was made clear who were the actual health visitors, and who were part of a wider team. As suspect a lot of the nonsense is coming from people who aren't actually qualified... At least, I hope it's that rather than these highly trained professions with a good grounding in actual medicine & health care ignore it all as soon as they get a vulnerable first time mum in front of them in favor of drivel such as 'your milk isn't good enough quality' or (same baby, different HV), 'your 8 week baby is fat, he's greedy, stop feeding him after 5 mins on each breast, even if he cries'. Bonkers.

My Dh once commented that our hv was "the type of hv the gestapo would have wanted..."

My health visitor dismissed my concerns about my dd's speech as "pushy parent" - no actually she's profoundly deaf (at that time undiagnosed) fortunately my Gp was more sensitive. When my son was diagnosed at birth the health visitor offered my one free baby massage class in case I was depressed.

My DS2 was an awkward wee shite didn't like to perform on cue. HV assessments were like a comedy show. e.g. Age 2 assessment: "Can you build me a tower with those bricks?" Blank look from DS2, she turns to mark up the book and DS2 flings up a teetering tower of a dozen blocks which rivals the one in towering inferno...

"Can you put these shapes in the correct slots?" Blank look from DS2, she turns to mark up the book and turns back to see all shapes in their slots..

By now I think she thinks it is me.

"can you tell me what colour this is?" Blank look from DS2. She fills in the book, cannot get any response or words out of him.

We turn to go and he turns to me and says "Mummy, just who is that lady in the yellow jumper and blue trousers and why is she asking me to do baby stuff?" :o

I had one good health visitor. She was an older lady who was semi-retired. I think because she had done the job so long, she wasn't bothered about protocols and just told me to do what felt right.

The younger HVs at clinic were bloody awful. They told me DS was overweight and to give him fewer bottles. Ummm are you going to come round and soothe a screaming 3 month old? He's a big tall boy and was always hungry.

Then again, you get shitty people in all walks of healthcare. The midwife at my GPs surgery reduced me to tears more than once.

I adopted the smile and nod approach mostly

I was BLOODY furious with them at my first appointment. They gave me a form to fill in which included ethnic origin. My DD is mixed race but quite pale skinned.

The HV kindly told me that I could 'get away with putting her down as white'

She also asked how I was getting along as dad wasn't around. I pointed out that actually he was at work and asked her why she would assume that

A) I would want to hide my DD's ethnic background
B) that my partner had left

She mumbled something and gave my red book to a student for her to weigh and measure DD. The student was mortified.

The only other time the smile and nod failed was at At 6 months they told me off very loudly for not sterilizing the bottles any more. I used to be a food hygienist. I listed my qualifications and pointed out I was slightly more knowledgeable about food hygiene risks and able to make an informed choice about my child.

Didn't like to tell them I stopped when she started licking the cat. If she could do that without getting sick a scalded but not sterile bottle was no risk (I did try to stop her but the cats cleaned each other, she thought that's what you did. 'DD no stop licking the cat' is not a sentence I ever expected to say)

I remember being told by my HV to try breast feeding "as it would help me lose weight". When I pointed out I was in fact EBF (for 5.5 months) she gave me a knowing, patronising smile and said "oh you're one of those[italics] women........" With my second I think I went maybe twice. Total waste of time.

re the squint - my HV insisted my 12 mo twins had squints which I didn't think was the case. She asked me to go to GP to get a referral, which I duly did, and was sent to the eye hospital for an appointment that took about 4 hours and included them dripping dye in my babies eyes and seeing about 4 different eye doctors. There were no squints in either DC.
She also referred DD to physio as she wasn't pulling up to standing at 10 months. The second physio appointment she was walking.
I haven't been back since the eye debacle.

My ds had benign neonatal sleep myoclonus (appeared to have multiple seizures from birth) we were told he was very unlikely to have a good outcome. He was eventually diagnosed at GOSH and sent home on a 'should be fine but wait and see how he develops basis'. My HV was the first person to say to me in exact words 'there's absolutely nothing wrong with your baby, it's just his nervous system adjusting, go home and enjoy him'. I've never forgotten that. He's now 18 months and a running, talking terror. On the other have another hv told me to not do any tummy time or give him any stimulation until he'd had his 12 week check, my GP was a bit taken aback when I told him the advice.