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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

540 replies

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:32

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 21/01/2016 16:31

I still cant believe she took the money.Op watch tomorrow and see whether she expects you to pay for teh coffees.Then you will know.

Sunnybitch · 21/01/2016 16:34

She did bigbuttons

AyeAmarok · 21/01/2016 16:34

Well firstly, I hate people who keep count on things like this with money, I find it very uncomfortable. But I understand that some people just like to make sure everything is completely fair.

However, I have absolutely no time for people who only keep tabs on the (few) things they've bought you, but never mention the many more things you have bought them. They are total fucker, IMO.

But hopefully this was just a nice friend taking temporary leave of her senses.

Labracadabrador · 21/01/2016 16:36

Place marking!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 16:38

She still took the tenner Shock so you're paying for the coffee tomorrow as well.

She's a card, that one.

Allisgood1 · 21/01/2016 16:38

I think it's good etiquette to offer but not good etiquette to take the money. It's different if you both agreed she would take them to soft play and give them dinner.

Only1scoop · 21/01/2016 16:40

Glad you spoke to her Op

Writerwannabe83 · 21/01/2016 16:43

I can't believe she took the money!!

And it's hilarious that she's still coming out smelling of roses (in her opinion) because she's offered to take you for coffee and cake tomorrow which she'll be paying for with your tenner Grin

She's a clever woman.....

OhShutUpThomas · 21/01/2016 16:48
Hmm

Could you not at least have slapped her or parked in her space or something?

pictish · 21/01/2016 16:51

I agree the offer of coffee and cake with your tenner that she had NO business taking from you, is just the cherry on the icing of this incredibly cheeky cake.
What a strange person.

Stumbletrip40 · 21/01/2016 17:02

i don't know - not everyone's strong suit is social interaction, actually she realised you had a fair point and was apologetic - it might not have been immediately obvious that she should have refused the money utterly. It seems that it's all sorted and although you're being bought cake with your own money it seems like a good outcome to me. I'm not that fast at thinking on my feet in awkward situations.

waterrat · 21/01/2016 17:04

I actually think this thread is horrible. It's a minor annoying thing for the other mum to do - and we have NO IDEA what her circumstances are. Maybe she is really short of money and panicked after taking the kids out and spending the money. Maybe she is depressed/ socially anxious/ bullied at home - who knows?!

this forum is supposed to be about supporting parents - not allowing people to JUDGE, jump on and bully other women who do not do exactly as we think they should. What a bunch of hysterical responses - saying you should cut her dead/ send her aggressive texts / never have a playdate again.

LineyReborn · 21/01/2016 17:12

'bullied at home'? I suggested that as a possibility.

AlpacaPicnic · 21/01/2016 17:13

AIBU is short for Am I being unreasonable... so in a way it is asking us to judge. Of course we can only judge on a persons opening post and ask for further information - but it is the nature of this board...

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/01/2016 17:14

Glad everything's okay between you. Ideally no one wants to fall out.

And she was women enough to admit that she took her stress out on you, not that that excuses it though.
I do have to second Writer. She's certainly not soft is she. Taking you out for a coffee with your money. Grin Erm that's very kind of her Hmm

PitilessYank · 21/01/2016 17:16

Going through this with her has the potential to make you two closer friends. I hope you both take the opportunity to get to know and understand each other better and run with it. Have a nice time at coffee with her tomorrow!

LineyReborn · 21/01/2016 17:25

I agree she could confide in you a little about what's yanking her chain over this.

liinyo · 21/01/2016 17:25

Someone I know once invited a group of mums to stay at her new holiday home. Before we arrived she sent us all a copy of the Tesco shop she had done and asked us to pay our share! It included everything we might use including toiletries, cleaning products and loo rolls. We were so shocked we all coughed up.

Her husband was away with my husband and various other friends playing golf at our seaside home that same weekend. Needless to say my husband did not invoice his mates for visiting him and nor did her DH offer to pay!

Whitney168 · 21/01/2016 17:34

She's certainly not soft is she. Taking you out for a coffee with your money. Erm that's very kind of her hmm

Don't count your chickens, she may want to go Dutch yet ... Hmm

Rpj16 · 21/01/2016 17:36

I'd just pay up. But for your son's 6th birthday party make sure to send this other mom a bill! haha.

Or what if you say, 'oh I'm glad you brought up paying for things, I have been thinking of how I can ask for the repayment of xx, x and x from over the past few months. Shall I just deduct the £10 off what you owe me?'
(really not a good idea to say this, I'm joking)

Honestly tho, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't say anything, but silently seethe and get cross about it. And think of things to say but not say them. Your response sounds good tho! Be brave !

LineyReborn · 21/01/2016 17:36

I think that's when the OP can gently ask her what's going on.

Rpj16 · 21/01/2016 17:38

oops...I didn't read whole thread. preg brain - sorry if my post is irrelevant.

Breadandwine · 21/01/2016 17:39

She could have just taken the money and not offered coffee and cake, right?

I think this is the best outcome possible. Enjoy yourselves tomorrow morning and you can both go forward together. But you do need to set the rules for any more playdates!

Good luck!

FaceTheFace · 21/01/2016 17:49

I'm glad it's worked out ok for you ... But I definitely would have sweetly asked to be reimbursed for Legoland. Surely logic dictates she would have no call to be offended by that if she expected to be paid back for a soft play trip.

Rpj16 · 21/01/2016 17:52

that's a good outcome. you must be relieved op! (and so must she)