To not want to buy a new car?

[dontrunwithscissors]

Background is: DH was made redundant in the summer. We have decided that he will be a SAHP for a while, plus there are no jobs around here anyway (40% unemployment). We can cope financially, but only just.

DH's car is a 14 year old VW. It is on the verge of needing a lot of money spent on it. I have a 2 year old Citroen DS3-- it's a lovely, top of the range, sporty model. All paid for. We absolutely need 1 car. I have said we need to scrap his car and go down to 1 car as we really can't afford the running costs of 2 cars and definitely can't replace his. (It comes down to a 2nd car v a holiday/Xmas presents/some nice time as a family/ saving a little bit etc). DH has reluctantly agreed.

I'm the one who will bear the brunt of this chnange---DH will need my car to get the kids to school so I will have to get this bus to work which takes twice as long as driving.

OK, so, DH says that he's embarrassed to drive my car. He's really unhappy. He wants to save to replace it for a bigger /manly/bloody expensive car. Think in the region of £25k minimum & I think he would like closer to £30k. He says we need a bigger car for when we visit family/take the DDs places etc. AIBU to think this is a terrible and unnecessary waste of money? I can't get my head around why he would find my car such an embarrassment to drive. He says that men driving BMWs/Mercedes/Audi laugh and smirk at him when they see what he is driving.

He doesn't want to take the kids on
a short caravan holiday because he wants to put the money towards a new car. He wanted to scale Xmas right back for the same reason. I can't understand why he would want to sacrifice a family holiday versus some incredibly expensive piece of metal. AIBU to not understand why is his sense of identity is so reliant upon having an expensive car?

For reference my car looks like this: www.chroniclelive.co.uk/lifestyle/lifestyle-opinion/new-car-road-test-citroen-9186001

My DH drove a 2CV when I met him. Tell him to get over himself!

To my mind, men who judge people by the cars they drive or decide certain cars are "lady's cars" are usually best avoided (I'm talking about you, BiL!).

Maybe there's some self-esteem issue with him becoming a SAHD and thus not bread-winner?

I don't understand him at all because we only have one car and my DP does't drive...

The car you have is fine. It's the sort of car anybody could drive, so again, I don't understand your DH.

I understand him wanting a bigger car. With kids it's just more comfortable and easy.

However he is bu as you can only afford it by cutting back on other things.

Men don't drive bmw/audio etc some men do. Some women do.

You can't afford it and he sounds like a snob and sexist.

Most households with a sahp have to make sacrifices. I wouldn't be reining in Christmas or not having a holiday so he can have a luxury car.

Sorry- he needs to cut according to his cloth!
If he doesn't like it, he needs to learn to live without a car.

Personally I'd hate driving a 2 door with kids. But I would be switching it out for something big and practical - not a merc. If he hates it that much he can just struggle on with his VW.

No way would I swap the car because he's embarrassed!! Especially at £25k+ I would say keep your car, scrap his or sell it if you can, go on holidays etc. maybe once you've saved some money look at somewhere like motorpoint who do cars in good condition only a couple years old a lot cheaper than new.

Oh your poor OH being laughed at for driving that car it must be awful for him.

Perhaps he needs to MTFU or find some way of earning the cash whilst being a stay at home patent.

He says that men driving BMWs/Mercedes/Audi laugh and smirk at him when they see what he is driving.

I have seldom read anything more hilariously pathetic than that.

P.s My dh would like your car. He likes little cars...cheap to run, easy to park.

YANBU, there's nothing wrong with the car whatsoever, and he needs to get over himself. He'd be better off trying to improve his self-esteem rather than squander money on a vanity project. I bet other men in other cars couldn't even care less...

Really? Other men laugh at him because he doesn't drive a BMW/Merc/Audi? FFS if you had a pink car or something I could JUST about sympathise, but seriously. My dad drove my Fiat 500 all last week and oddly enough he didn't have tales of woe about other men pointing and laughing at him, so I think your DH is telling fibs.

itgoeswithoutsaying, you might be onto something WRT the impact of not working on him. The car issue is genuinely upsetting him & he's not a snob. He happily goes without new clothes, shoes etc. He's actually quite thrifty, except for the car. Thinking about it, it's quite out of character. I don't like driving and resent spending money on cars so I just cannot get my head around spending 1/8 of our mortgage on something that will depreciate so quickly. Even with more money coming in, I would hate to spend that amount on a car. But DH says I can't understand as I see a car as just a practical thing that takes you from a to b.

He needs to adjust to the new family situation. I can't believe he would seriously want to spend £25k+ on a car when he's just lost his job (unless you're earning a fortune).

DH needs a new car. He earns six figures and we are still thinking very carefully about spending that sort of money (circa 20k) on a car.

No, I don't earn a massive amount--£41k pa. DH was earning the same before being made redundant. His redundancy pay allowed us to pay off the car loan.

He's being a bit of a dick. Could he be projecting some of his insecurities of becoming the SAHP and living off his wife's income into the car? Nothing wrong with being a SAHP but he may be feeling a bit emasculated by it and that's what it is about really. He still needs to man the fuck up though and get over it or admit that he doesn't want to be a SAHP.

I'm something of a petrolhead (my main cars have all been over 275bhp, engines from 2.5 turbo up to 4 litre) and I have never spent £25k on a car; all 4 cars that I have at the moment costs less than £16k, and even including running costs, insurance, tax (and possibly petrol) have not come to £25k.

You could get a beautiful BMW E39 M5 for a bit over £10k, and that's pretty damn manly. A 5.0 V8 with nearly 400bhp and I reckon prices might start going up (if they haven't already) so there's a good chance you'll get more than you paid for it.

Of course I know that's not the sort of car you (or he) is thinking of, but it's a prime example of what you can get for very reasonable money. (Also, Jag S-Type R will give you 420bhp, space, pace and grace for less than £6k. I know, that's not likely to be on the list either.)

I think it can be very difficult for anyone being made redundant. In your DH's case he has gone from being joint provider to being a stay at home parent. That can impact significantly on self esteem. I think he's playing that out with the car situation.

I have a 2 year old Citroen DS3-- it's a lovely, top of the range, sporty model.

Is it black with a pink roof?

You are only just coping financially, on one salary - and he wants to spend £30K on a new car? Has he always been financially irresponsible?

I can see why a larger family car might be useful but you don't need to spend that amount. His argument rather falls down if due to the cost of the car you can't afford the holidays he thinks it is necessary for!

Actually wmittens, that BMW looks like something he might like. Maybe he could get something for a lot less than £25k.

He had a 14 year old car and now thinks that, unemployed, he should get a new one costing £30k? Because he's "too embarrassed" to drive your newer model sporty car.

Tell him to get the bus to school with the kids.

If we had to go down to only one car in the family I wouldn't want your car either.

I agree with your DH about needing a bigger car, but not because I would be ashamed to be seen in it!

Your car isn't practical for a family.

There are plenty of bigger cars out there for much less than he wants to spend and you have a sporty paid for car to use in part ex.

What about this for a compromise?
You sell both your cars and buy one he's happier with (but not spending a huge amount of money) and with the money he's saved, he looks into starting his own business?

There are some ideas here

www.franchisedirect.co.uk