To not want to buy a new car?

[dontrunwithscissors]

Background is: DH was made redundant in the summer. We have decided that he will be a SAHP for a while, plus there are no jobs around here anyway (40% unemployment). We can cope financially, but only just.

DH's car is a 14 year old VW. It is on the verge of needing a lot of money spent on it. I have a 2 year old Citroen DS3-- it's a lovely, top of the range, sporty model. All paid for. We absolutely need 1 car. I have said we need to scrap his car and go down to 1 car as we really can't afford the running costs of 2 cars and definitely can't replace his. (It comes down to a 2nd car v a holiday/Xmas presents/some nice time as a family/ saving a little bit etc). DH has reluctantly agreed.

I'm the one who will bear the brunt of this chnange---DH will need my car to get the kids to school so I will have to get this bus to work which takes twice as long as driving.

OK, so, DH says that he's embarrassed to drive my car. He's really unhappy. He wants to save to replace it for a bigger /manly/bloody expensive car. Think in the region of £25k minimum & I think he would like closer to £30k. He says we need a bigger car for when we visit family/take the DDs places etc. AIBU to think this is a terrible and unnecessary waste of money? I can't get my head around why he would find my car such an embarrassment to drive. He says that men driving BMWs/Mercedes/Audi laugh and smirk at him when they see what he is driving.

He doesn't want to take the kids on
a short caravan holiday because he wants to put the money towards a new car. He wanted to scale Xmas right back for the same reason. I can't understand why he would want to sacrifice a family holiday versus some incredibly expensive piece of metal. AIBU to not understand why is his sense of identity is so reliant upon having an expensive car?

Just to clarify thingswe have made a decision for DH to be a SAHP. This is because I have a disability & the stress/tiredness of both working FT was leading to me getting poorly all the time. I had 4 months off sick (2 months of which I was in hospital) for the year before he was made redundant. DH is my carer and he was having to take time off work unpaid. His work were utter bastards to himhe'd had 10 years of bullying, he would have chest pains at the thought of going to work. So this is definitively not a case of him being 'unemployed'---he's staying at home to support me, the kids and to help me recover my career. He is sacrificing his own hopes and career to care for me so he's not lazy or 'sponging' off me.

He also wasn't the main breadwinner before--we both earned the same money and we split domestic duties 50/50.

I think he is BU with respect to the car, but he's not lazy or sexist or used to 'throwing his weight around.'

I found out this morning that I've been awarded personal independence payment (replacement of disability living allowance) at the enhanced rate. That has transformed our finances and means we will be able to live a bit more comfortably. I still don't want to throw money at an expensive car, but it does help replace some of DH's lost wages.

If I were you, I'd sell the DS privately, and use the VW while I bought something cash for the money I got from the DS.

Incidentally - £25k is madness! Last year DH bought a brand new Volvo V60 D4 from the dealership for £23k!

I know what it's like to be stuck with a car you hate though, if it matters to you. I know to a lot of people it doesn't matter, but it does to me and evidentally it matters to your DH. I'm currently driving a 7 year-old Ford Focus and I loathe it. We've even contemplating straight swapping it for something at a garage and taking the equity hit. And I hate spending money! But I really hate the car, and I'm a SAHM but still do about 300-400 miles a week.

I'd agree with the poster upthread who suggests leasing, it can work out far more economical than buying new. Our current car lease is just coming to an end and the amount we've paid over the 3 years is less than 2/3 of the amount it's depreciated by.

DH and I never buy new cars, (paycash, not leasing etc) - as soon as you drive a new one off the forecourt, its value plummets (and if you're unlucky enough to crash it or write it off in the first year or two you won't get back anything like the price that you just shelled out. ) A two+ year old car will be loads cheaper and could well still have some warranty left.
I drive one of the so-called 'manly' cars and see as many as many women as men driving them, if not more especially the huge prestige 4WDs

If I were you, I'd sell the DS privately

With all the back and forth I'd forgotten that the other car was a Citroen DS3. I thought you were recomending the op sell her son to raise cash to buy a new car.

The original Citroen DS was a thing of great beauty. I've never forgiven Citroen for bismirching its memory by sticking it on a run of the mill supermini.

I thought that too compos!! Might be able to scrape together enough for an ancient old banger if i flogged mine!

I'd agree with the poster upthread who suggests leasing, it can work out far more economical than buying new. Our current car lease is just coming to an end and the amount we've paid over the 3 years is less than 2/3 of the amount it's depreciated by.

most of the depreciation comes the first day. this only makes sense under the assumption that one must get a new car.

So what's wrong with a second hand car? Am I missing something? If I wasn't working I certainly wouldn't expect my dh to commit to spending more than half of his annual income (before tax!) on a car to pander to my vanity.

As an aside - probably unrelated to OP's situation - I often walk my dog along a street nearby, which has very ordinary homes along it, mostly semi-detached 1930's houses, probably worth about £200K-£250K each.

Almost every house on this very ordinary street seems to have two brand new-looking, top of the range type cars parked either in the drive or on the street outside, Mercedes, BMW, Range Rovers etc

To me, these sorts of expensive cars look utterly ridiculous parked outside ordinary homes, in a fur coat and no knickers sort of a way, I always think they suggest vanity and distorted priorities.

Just my opinion of course, am sure others will completely disagree :)

We've had used cars previously but by the time the cost of financing has been factored in leasing has still worked out better for us personally. We wouldn't buy an older used car though as being carless is a major problem for us and courtesy cars rarely have enough seats! I only compared our payments to the depreciation, by the time we factored in interest the difference would be higher. Obviously not a factor if you can buy outright but we don't.

If men laughed at him for doing the washing up would he stop doing that? If men laughed at him for treating his wife as an equal partner would he behave (more) like a chauvinist?

Who are these mythical men laughing at him anyway? Have you ever even once seen this happening?

He sounds very entitled. A car is not a penis replacement. Or it shouldn't be anyway. There's nothing wrong with the car you have.

I used to have a little MG. The bloke loved driving it. One of his colleagues referred to it as “the handbag” which made him roar with laughter.

3-4 grand gets you something about 8 to 10 years old with plenty of life left in it.

once upon a time there was the phrase 'BCSD', comes from some movie. It stands for 'big car, small dick'.

your husband sounds really childish.

Sorry, folks - this is a zombie thread that was reactivated by a spammer.

We're going to close it now before anyone else gets drawn in...

Hopefully the OP and her DH aren't still debating this, four years down the line.