DD hates her name

[lemonbanana]

She says it is ugly everyone laughs at it and can't pronounce it and I must hate her as I gave her an ugly name??? Has anybody experienced this, she is 12.

Without knowing the name, it's difficult to know whether she's just being 12, or if there is legitimate reason for her feelings.

I'd let her go by the name she wants to go by; it may just be a phase, or it may be more, but I don't think there's any harm in letting her experiment.

I hated my name at that age but found a shortening that I liked (and still use) - I don't mind my name now but still prefer the shortening. I had a couple of friends who I said "from now on I want to be called (my new shortened name)" and from then if anyone called me the long version I or one of them corrected them (in an "actually it's xx" kind of way). It took a year but stuck.

I agree with the pp who thinks it may be more about bullying than her actual name. My thoughts exactly.

OP, id suggest an extra name.

Just anecdotal, my best friend at school hated her name, she was 11 or 12. She started to ask people to call her a name she chose and patiently explained she found her own name ugly. At uni, she changed it formally, legally, not sure what term to use. Her parents (horrible people) tried to complain to teachers that they wanted her to be known by her given name but the teachers felt it unfair to call her by a name she hated.

My sister shortened her name as a teen but now in her 40s she's back to using her full name.

Interesting,y both those names were ugly to me but my sister's name had an obvious abbreviation. The friend's name didn't.

So there are many options but gird yourself, she might still hate it and choose to change when older. Giving her an extra name now might help.

I wanted to be called Lorna or Drina at 12. Both seemed horribly exotic!

Oh, I wanted to be called Skye or Elena at that age. My actual name is quite unusual and I always always have to spell it - so much so that when I get asked my name for someone to write down I automatically start spelling it. I like it, though!

I agree with pp that if it's bothering her that much, the bullies need sorting out. I would ask the school just what they are doing to fix this issue as a starting point.

My DD hated her name so much she changed it legally. Didn't last long before she changed it back! Her birth name is Charlotte... some kids will never like their name even when there's no real reason!

Doesn't every body have a 'I hate my name' phase in there life.

I wanted to be called Maria, but I now know I am not Maria. I can't do heels.

My cousin adopted a new name around age 12 and changed it legally at 18. It's really difficult to remember she ever was called anything else and sort of a non-issue in our family. I would let the child call herself what she pleases.

I was at school with a girl who changed her name, she started using her middle name instead of her first name.

It was fairly straightforward, she just told people she was changing her name and could we call her X instead of Y. She had to remind people at first but it was surprising how quickly people forgot the name she used to use.

She went from sharing the name of a loud and fairly annoying soap opera person to having the name of a slightly out of fashion singer and actress.

But the soap opera name was very obvious as the only well known person with the name, the actress/singer name was more general and other well known people shared it as well.

She was teased for the soap opera name, a few people commented with "oh, like X, the singer" when she changed it. I wonder if your daughter is the same, if she's being teased for one name and that's why she wants to change it, rather than because she really hates it for other reasons.

I recently bumped into the girl from school and she now wishes she'd stuck with her first name, it's become a bit more cool and edgy and the soap opera character is long gone. But she said she can't change back now, once was enough.

Yeah my name is unusual and I wanted to be called something else when I was young. She will probably grow to like it, especially if she is the only one with that name at college/work etc.

My brother had a really (then) unusual name, he hated it. He tried when he was 18 to be called by his middle name but everyone really struggled calling him this so he eventually gave up and went back to his original name (which is now quite common so less if an issue)

My sister had a long name which we all shortened - only using her full name when she was in trouble, she's now as an adult added Xxxxie to it, her name sounds about 16 instead if a professional 48 year old.

I've called my youngest brother a nickname (cute one) since he was born, he's now 35 and still answers to it.

Could she use a nickname ?

I have always hated my one name. Put up with it all my life as it's not so unusual just not pretty. Someone's already dissed it on this thread, so proves my point!

What Paul said.

My DS1 also hated his name because it could be made into a rude phrase (that only teenagers would see ) coupled with his surname.

He is now 18 and loves his name because it is unusual and quite cool.

This too will pass

Most children go through a phase of this op, I would listen to her concerns and sympathise but I really would discourage anything past that. Chances are that she won't feel like that down the line.

DD has always hated her name. It is a well known name, but people still spell it and pronounce it incorrectly sometimes.

She's 16 now and plans to change it when she's 18. Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

It is character building and a life lesson- sometimes you just have to accept things you cannot change (until 18 if she still hates it!)... I remember going through a phase when I was younger of not loving my name, but my mum would just have told me to 'cop on!' and not even discussed it. You gave birth to her, you as a mother (and her father) had the right to name her whatever you wanted, she needs to realise how amazing mums are and she should not disrespect you by complaining about her name! A little bit of tough love is sometimes needed!

oh no sorry soupdragon

I hated my name too, it's not unusual or anything just quite posh and formal sounding.

I just wanted to be an Emma or a Sarah, as I've got older I've grown to quite like my name.

I've never liked my name really. Still don't. Back in the Stone Ages when I was a teenager it was never suggested - never even an option - to change it. It doesn't suit me and it doesn't roll easily off the tongue. The only consolation is that the other name my Mum had in mind for me was even worse!

My parents were considering calling me Mary apparently.

I'm 32 so very glad they didn't.

Sounds like me at 12. My name is just not pretty or girly. I always wanted to be called Susan.

I met someone else with an interesting (pretty) name, who is the same age as me and she always wanted to be called Susan too

I don't know what to say really. I still don't like my name all that much, but I am happy I am not called Susan too. I have never really thought of a better one - it is sort of stuck to me now. At the moment, I have friends who know at least 2 other people with the same name as me and it is bluddy confusing (and for some reason, they are all a good 10 years older than me, which is my mother's reason for not liking her own name )

I wanted to change my name as a teenager, thankfully I didn't as I now hate the name I'd have chosen. Now I still dislike my name and have one that I want to change it to but changing it seems daft somehow so I've not bothered. I do use my chosen name in any online forums though.

I hate my name and wish I'd changed it when I left home. It has a truly horrible shortened version and I completely ignore people if they use it. People with my name exchange "You too? Bad luck." eyebrow raises.

I am used to hating it now, and it doesn't bother me much, but do
take your daughter's concerns seriously. This is massive when you're 12. The changing schools thing is probably a step too far, though, unless there's bullying going on.

I agree it's not uncommon for kids to become very sensitive/upset with their names. I remember refusing to tell anyone my middle name for YEARS. And it's Jessica which I now think is lovely.

I think I'd want to know if she was being teased at school. If it is very unusual or hard to pronounce, kids can be very nasty. It's difficult if she doesn't like her middle name either because that would be the obvious solution. What would she like to be known as?

My dd didn't like her name when she moved to high school, but there wasn't a big issue as she liked a shortened version of it, which she still goes by in adulthood.