DD hates her name

[lemonbanana]

She says it is ugly everyone laughs at it and can't pronounce it and I must hate her as I gave her an ugly name??? Has anybody experienced this, she is 12.

I hated my name at that age too, I went through a stage of adding a y to it (Jayne) as it looked "prettier". I grew out of it. I wanted to called Olivia or, wait for it, Janice. I'd not do anything apart from empathise, certainly wouldn't do anything formally.

she sounds as though she's really upset about it, I agree I think this is likely about underlying self esteem and feelings of not fitting in, in general. Is there any counselling you could access for her? Does she have a good group of friends at the school? I think it's a trickier issue than changing her name and moving schools.

Lemon do you think you could have a brief chat about potential nicknames rather than go the official route? There are many nicknames for my name that were used, and I was known to different people in different friendship groups as different names and it wasn't a problem.
If the nicknames stick, it could even extend to sending in a note to ask that the teachers use that name. But it would be nice if it could be a mutually agreed name that is a derivative of her official name. Even nicer if the other kids could stop being jerks. But I feel personally that sometimes 'owning' something like that about yourself is an important part of self acceptance. Mind you, 12 is a difficult time!
I also have a large bump in my nose, kind of roman style. I considered surgery but now appreciate that I look "classic" (as in the greek/roman sense) in a Florence Welch kinda way. I can pull it off!
I see the issue in those terms really...

I changed my name by usage at 7 to a variety of it, I hated my name even though it's a classic one, just because of how everyone pronounced it in my neck of the woods. (Everyone called me my new desired name except my maternal Grandma who refused to until the day she died).

I never bothered with deed poll but all my exam certificates and somehow even my passport (!) were printed in my new non-legal name. I then had to backtrack and get it changed by deed poll in my 20s in order to get married.

Anyway yeah it was dead easy to just be called something else.

Agree with pp saying let your DD call herself what she chooses but discourage any legal change. She can do that when she's older if she still wishes to drop her birth name altogether. She may well change her mind again.

Kids at this age tend to hate a lot of things - names, parents, themselves etc. It doesn't last forever, thank God.
But even if your DD does change her name permanent basis, try not to take it personally. It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

i wanted to be called Justine Morgan at that age (sounded glamorous and go-getting, not the square bookish sensible sort I am). I wasn't so upset about it though - it's not usual to hate your name so much that you want to change it AND move schools.

My son has an unusual name that in recent years has become more popular for girls. He went through a phase of disliking it and to be honest I felt a bit bad as people assume he is a girl. I told him he could change it if he wanted to when he was 18. Now he is 18 he's no longer bothered.

I always thought of myself as Darth, but I never told anyone, I just gamely ploughed on with Bananaramah.

I'm not getting the jokes either. Ignore them, you're clearly genuine. Anyway, all I was going to say is that it's taken me till my 40th year to like my name. I don't think I was ever as expressive as your DD about not liking it, but it was a bad name to have at school, had the piss taken out of me a lot for it and as an adult I never liked people calling me by it, it never really felt like mine iyswim.

Objectively I can see why my parents like it and chose it, and that it can be a lovely name in some ways, but I just hated the sound of it and the meaning of it and it made me really uncomfortable. HOWEVER, last year, turning the big 40, I decided to get over and own it and to like my name - and by extension, to like myself a lot more, and it's been a really powerful positive thing. I think identity is so hard when you're young, and I'd hesitate to let her do anything permanent like change schools or change her name officially. Let her be called whatever she wants, but really kids are cruel and will find something, anything to pick on people for. In retrospect, I was probably lucky they picked on my name more than other things.

Ultimately, I guess she's also probably seized on her name as being the big problem too, but it's more likely the much bigger complications of her age and all that, so I'd try to listen and understand and be on her side as much as possible. She'll be blaming you for calling it her, but try to suck that up so it doesn't escalate as a source of conflict. It's an easy battle for her to beat you on, but it's not really what the war's all about. That's about her dealing with shit and getting through the next few years.

Gosh, sorry that's so long. Hope some of it's remotely helpful. Good luck!

Arf at all these cool names people wanted for themselves! I was dead set on being Atlantis

Have you checked that she hasn't acquired a new nickname at school? If she's got a bunch of people chanting something obnoxious at her that rhymes with her name then it's potentially not going to stop unless she does change schools and her name.

It really depends what the name is. If she has a unique made up name I think you need to do what you can to make it right.

There's a lot of bullying in the world.
And a lot on MN.

My son has always hated his name. His father picked it when he was rushed to SCUBU at birth and whilst it wasn't my first choice I didn't abhor it. Scroll forward 18 years and his dad is my exH and I've remarried. My DS has now changed his name completely, just keeping his middle name on my request as it was my late dads name. To me he'll always be the name I've always known him by but he's now known to friends as his new name, and got my new married surname. His choice it's something he's wanted for a long time.

Children just want to fit in and be the same as their peers.

I wanted to be a Susan because there were 4 Susans in my class in primary school.
Then I began to like my own name, moved country and my given name is now so exotic and unpronounceable that I go by a shortened NN version of it

Bananaramah, I shall henceforth call you 'Darth' - I think it suits you better. You're welcome.

Does she have a specific name in mind? I think I would take her seriously if she has felt like this for a long time. But actually I had phases of not liking my name but as an adult I do like it.

Still here op? I hope the joking hasn't put you off. It must reassuring to know that so many people go through this experience during adolescence.

I am 17 and have finally decided to legally change my name, I am adopted and my adopted wasn't allowed to change my name when she got me as a new born. My name is Chantelle however I have always disliked it so am changing it to Ella. My parents never called me Chantelle always Ellie but when I got to secondary school I was known as Chantelle, it is difficult to get used to a new name but the younger you are the easier it is, it took me a couple of months to train myself not to react to Ellie. I also got bullied a lot at primary school they would call me ellie the elephant and other names not appropriate on here. If it's what she really wants do it, she should ask herself though what name does she want on her GCSE'S, as once certificates have been issued the name can't be changed. Hope this helps xx

I honestly think she'll grow out of it so try not to worry . for now, just reassure her it's a beautiful name and tell her if she still feels the same way about it when she is older, you'll discuss it then and see what you can do.

I hated my name throughout primary school and the beginning of high school because it's very unusual and people would be cruel about it. I felt awful and would cry over it and begged my parents to let me change my name but I'm 22 now and I adore it and I'm so glad they never let me change it.

Agree with previous posters that this is quite common at your DD's age, so don't take it personally. I can think of a couple of girls I was at school with who started calling themselves by their middle name or a new nickname.

Also agree about the bullying aspect. If she is asking to change schools then you need to find out what is really going on.