AIBU to get fed up of interviewers asking me about childcare?

[herecomesmytrain]

I am planning on returning to work after a 2 year break, which includes maternity leave and relocating to another part of the country. I am now at the point where I want to get back to work, and have had a few (well, 3) interviews recently where, in every case, the interviewers were focused on my plans for childcare, could I work during school holidays / weekends, were GPs actively involved? At the last interview I was actually asked if my partner was around and if PIL were also on hand to help out with childcare.

I'm starting to think I need to lie on my CV about the maternity leave aspect but can't think what else to say...

There is a simple answer.

"I am a professional, I would not apply for a job I could not do and that includes commitments to my personal life, if you would like minute details please put those questions in writing. "

"Also you do realise that unless you have asked every other candidate, including male candidates and women who have no children you are breaking the law"

I can't remember the exact words used. I wasn't an interviewer per se but I was called in specifically for a fifteen minute chat (largely pointless) I can't remember exactly what the wording inwas but it involved "Shirley won't be with us for the next part of the interviews because she leaves early to collect children" and whatever it was it certainly worked because the candidate was manoeuvred into giving a full breakdown of her family arrangements. As a pp said, some interviewers do this by making small talk about their own children in order to make the interviewee respond, but the manager in my case was child free and couldn't use that approach.

We ask all people if they have any other commitments that may affect their ability to do the role (particularly relevant where we're looking for cover). This may be childcare, it may be playing football for a local team or a college course.

If the candidate is good enough the answer won't make a difference, it's just helpful for us to know what they're availability is like.

Many of the other replies posted on here would also have you marked as a trouble maker. You can't assume they are just asking women unless you are being interviewed along side a man who isn't asked the same question. I know for my employer it is a standard question we ask any experienced hire. We don't ask college grads who are in their early 20's because the likelihood of them being a parent is low.

I think this isn't just about parents from the point of view of a good employer. It is also about people who have elderly relatives, people in their families with disabilities who they support. So absolutely tell people about compressed days and encourage the discussion with everyone.

In the op's case they looked at her cv, saw she'd had a year off and specifically started quizzing her about childcare. That isn't on.

And tbh I don't like the sound of 'difficult conversations with clients' and think probably I would be wrong for your company. That however doesn't make me an unemployable loser, I have lots of other skills.

Want2BeSuperMum, wow, you would refuse someone a job because his wife was a SAHM? That's discrimination too tbh.

Asking people if they have commitments is fine. The last job I got I was 5 months pregnant at interview and with a 1 and 3 year old at home and I was happy (at my own initiative) to explain we had a long standing day nanny and the children's father was first port of call if there were a child issue (as my income was the primary income). I also make it a point of asking men whose wives are having children about childcare (not in interviews but generally) as we need to introduce this idea that some men are "working fathers" with the same childcare issue as working mothers.

BillSykesDog, I think the point Want2BeSuperMum was making was that a male who dismissively insinuates that his wife does all the "kid stuff" was not someone they would want to hire..

I find this bizarre, I have sat on interview panels for you and we would never ask such a question

I have never been asked about this, however I also don't include it on my CV, I have had maternity leave but I just put the dates I worked and leave them to work out whether I was just a bit slow in achieving everything around those dates or on mat leave. Never mentioned it in interview, and in fact, my more distant colleagues didn't know I had children til recently even though I had been there for many years My colleagues that are friends obviously knew.

Want2BeSuperMum, wow, you would refuse someone a job because his wife was a SAHM? That's discrimination too tbh.

All recruitment is discrimination! It's whether it's lawful or unlawful that's the issue.

The correct way to answer is to look slightly confused and say "Oh my husband handles all that side of things" and leave it at that

This was literally true for me between DC1 and DC2 when I was job hunting. I was never asked though.

My DCs' headteacher has just returned from two weeks' paternity leave, to the announcement that he will be taking a further of shared parental leave later this year. I am delighted that all the parents and children are being exposed to such equal practices and I think it sets a brilliant example.

There are some very good model responses on this thread along the lines of "nope, no potential issues there, now let's talk about how brilliant I am and how suited to the role".

I also agree that ideally an interview is a two-way thing, but more realistically often any job is better than no job.

I have seen both sides of this question too.
In my 20's and 30's I ran my own business employing people and knew legislation stopped me from asking the question (my decision was to not ask it to any candidate), I did explore gaps on CVs as that is good recruitment practice, but I took at face value if you applied for a job then you could do the hours. My only exception to this was when I was employing people on apprenticeships/first jobs where I always asked if they had worked out how they would get to work each day (many hadn't).
During my time as an employer I had 1 'bad mother' employee, who frankly should not have taken up the role as she was clearly not ready to leave her baby. My worst 3 employees for attendance, flexibility and just turning up on time were a single lad who like to party and became know as sicknote, a 30 something female with no kids but pets that lurched from crisis to disaster meaning she rarely managed a week of her contracted hours and a 40 something female with no kids who turned up, did her hours and her job adequately but nothing more, you may think this was an ideal employee but she didn't interact with her her colleagues or bring anything to her role and wouldn't tackle any issues so if it wasn't simple it landed on my desk to resolve, if it wan't in her job description she wouldn't do it.

Most of the parents (yes both mums and dads) that I worked with were great, yes occasionally they needed some flexibility but it was always workable and it helped that they were good employees too.

On the other side I have a gap on my CV, not for childcare as I cover those as I was always employed (ML) but because I needed a break from work and a major op, I don't want to explore this or explain it at interview as it is completely not relevant to how I perform now, so I say that I went travelling and have a couple of snippets that I can bring up to cover this. I never mention my DC on my CV and will not be drawn/led into a conversation about them when interviewed.

My advice OP is to focus on all your good points and what you can bring to the team, if you need to leave the gap on your CV do so or leave the explanation as it is. When asked go with a simple I (or as a family we) don't see that this is an issue we have excellent arrangements already in place.

I've interviewed people of both genders and asked if they are flexible with working arrangements, but that's because the jobs I've interviewed people for have included some unsocial hours - weekends and some evenings. I think it's only fair to highlight the requirement to people. But I've also stressed that flexibility works both ways. If they're working unsocial hours, then I have absolutely no issues with them taking time back to go to a nativity play or take their child to the doctor etc. I expect people to have enough initiative to manage their own workload and diary accordingly.

I have never been asked about childcare arrangements, but I've worked in public sector for 13 years where there is more flexibility for parents and they're very stringent on ensuring recruitment processes are fair and equitable.

On the other hand, if ds is ever ill or we have childcare cover problems, my DH's employer's attitude is usually 'well why can't your wife do it?' He's regularly had arguments with them over this.

I had this exact thing with an internal promotion, didn't get it. I always work at least my minimum 37.5 usually more like 40.

Their questions aren't necessarily illegal or discriminatory. But they're unprofessional and frankly a little bit stupid for exposing themselves to being perceived that way.
Not sure I'd want to work for an organisation that was so inept.

Definitely not allowed to ask that question here in NZ and I would not have been happy about managers asking it in the UK. However you are allowed to ask for example "this role involves shift work/long hours/weekend work/8am meetings, will you be able to commit to this?" to which someone only has to answer "yes". It is unusual for people to apply for roles they know they can't do but sometimes they don't understand the expectations or overestimate their own ability.

They do this to men as well

I got grilled about childcare for a 2 hr a day cleaning job. She asked what childcare I had, told her DS was at school then was asked what I would do during school holidays and actively asked if I would put him in holiday club.

Like you would use a Holiday club for 2 hours of minimum wage.

I was quite willing to to talk about childcare as I was going for this job to fit in with DS... but the level of grilling surprised me

Actually, want2b, in cases of discrimination the other party has to prove it did not discriminate. However, without proof they did it is pretty much their word against the victim's.

I disagree toffee By naming the issue in the interview and by implying that you have a good case for a discrimination claim should you not be offered the job, you have them over a barrel. I make a point of talking to my fellow interviewees if I can. I've also rung the HR dept immediately after the interview and flagged up the question.

I've had to use that line several times, I work in IT where women are still not the norm. In every case I've progressed through and in several instances I've been offered the job. Every time I was offered the job I declined because there's no point working for a firm that make it clear exactly how they view women's roles that early on.

As an interviewer I'm quite happy to talk about childcare arrangements if the interviewee brings it up themselves, but it's never asked as the questions we are going to ask are blocked out in advance and checked to avoid any suggestion of discriminatory practices.

For my current job I was asked if I planned on having any more kids. Not that my personal life is to do with them! I said no, and got the job. It's disgusting how employers can ask such things!

Aaaargh THEY CAN'T

I have a feeling even if men are asked too, it's still discrimatory to ask as women are less likely to be able to provide a reassuring answer, as they are more likely to be the one doing the majority of childcare activities.

Like your not allowed to ask about sick leave, not even if you ask everyone, as that would discriminate against those with disabilities.