AIBU to get fed up of interviewers asking me about childcare?

[herecomesmytrain]

I am planning on returning to work after a 2 year break, which includes maternity leave and relocating to another part of the country. I am now at the point where I want to get back to work, and have had a few (well, 3) interviews recently where, in every case, the interviewers were focused on my plans for childcare, could I work during school holidays / weekends, were GPs actively involved? At the last interview I was actually asked if my partner was around and if PIL were also on hand to help out with childcare.

I'm starting to think I need to lie on my CV about the maternity leave aspect but can't think what else to say...

It's definitely 100% illegal. And they're idiots for asking.
If you have it again at interview,
fix them with a steely glare and say 'You're not allowed to ask that'

It's discrimination. If you were dad they wouldn't be asking. Remove maternity leave and put family commitments.

They are not allowed to ask that?

It isn't illegal.

As long as they ask everyone.

DH was a SAHD. When the DC started school he applied for ft jobs and was often asked about childcare arrangements at interview. I think an employer will ask if the person they are interviewing tells them that they are a SAHP. I've NEVER been asked (and I'm female and not a SAHP)

He always tells them politely that he is fully committed to working ft and his childcare arrangements are both robust and none of their business.

def not allowed to ask that, anymore if they ask if you are likely to have children in the near future

i was asked that 2 years ago at an interview (im a nanny and decided in 30sec i didnt want to work for this family) and if i could i would have left there and then but was polite and professional so when they asked this question 15 mins later

i did as thomas said, smiled sweetly, and said you do know you are not allowed to ask me that, its discrimination

they both got flustered and back tracked and said would i be likely to take extended time off ie months - i said like a 9mth carrer break if i was on maternity leave or do you mean am i planning a 6mth trip round the world .......

went back to agency and complained, who then said they didnt mean it like that .........

but if asked, then state you have reliable childcare in place

out of curiosity what will you do? who will have the children?

quiet There are two main hiring streams, experienced and college hires. Very few college hires are over 25 or under 25 with children. If they are they go through a separate stream within the college hires as they are considered a diversity group. Also when HR send us resumes they do not include any gender or race references.

Here in the US very few 25 year olds who have paid $150-250k for their college education are parents. My employer are looking for college hires to have completed 150 credits which is a 5 year program. The expectation is that you have worked around your study schedule, hence why college hires who are older or with children, are considered a diversity group. They start on a slightly different package (childcare and medical insurance supplement as well as additional coaching) to the other stream.

I am all for equality but not all candidates are equal. To identify the best my employer does categorize people so if hired they are given the best chance at being successful. I have one very bright hispanic girl who works for me. She has needed a lot of coaching in soft skills areas compared to another guy who works for me who went to a top boarding school followed by ivy league college and his parents own a business that generates profits of at least $5 million a year. The guy has no problems making an 8am meeting in midtown - his parents pay for his rent about 5 blocks from the client. He will leave in the next 2 years and complete an MBA at an ivy league school.

The girl lives with her uncle and 5 cousins, sharing a room with the eldest cousin. She has student loans of about $60k to repay which is why she lives with family. She also supports her parents plus younger sister and is the first in her family to graduate from college and also get a Masters. To pay for college she cleaned apartments (she happened to be my friends cleaner although I would never let her know I know that).

I am rather proud that my employer is not only open to hiring anyone with potential but supporting them build a career once they get here.

The discrimination rules in the UK and US are very similar with employers not being allowed to ask questions that are discriminatory in nature to only select groups. However, if you are the only person being interviewed and you are asked this question you really have no choice but up assume they are asking all candidates applying for the position in question. If you want the job you question it after you have been hired. If not, go ahead and question in the interview it but don't expect a call back. There are better ways to answer this question than being confrontational in the interview.

Also, to clarify, when I ask the question at interviews I explain why we are asking. We want candidates to know we are supportive of them having a family, no matter what shape their family takes. For the US we have progressive policies in place that are not offered elsewhere. It is a huge selling point in a country where paid sick time and vacation are a benefit, not a right. We also support flexible working and schedules to accommodate an employee being able to fulfill their family commitments as well as get their work done. Those family commitments can be child, elder care or both. We also have some people on PT schedules so they can study for a masters or MBA.

Lets get a bit real here. In an ideal world you wouldn't but it isn't an ideal world is it. If I were an employer Id be asking the same.

What is the OP going to do then, site the discrimination act? on an interview, err ok then

Say nothing OP.

You can ask questions concerning requirements of the role e.g. As discussed this role is a regional role covering xxxxx sites/area and requires significant business travel and approx X overnight stays per month. Are you able to commit to this.

My answer - yes, I am currently working in a regional role covering xxxxx and do approx xxxxx business miles per year with approx y overnight stays.

However, they should ask every single candidate (not just females!)

However, I get fed up when interviewer rephrase the same question when interviewing me 10 times but I doubt they do this to the male candidates! I work in HR as well so I am normally being interviewed by the HR Director!

Can't believe this. Any decent company would train their staff on interview protocol. Theoretically you could sue them if you didn't get a job that you were qualified for if you felt it was due to their line of questioning or their judgements or assumptions related to your home situation.
You need to call them on this. Just say that you're there to discuss the role, not your home life, and you would not apply for a job that you were incapable of carrying out.

if your were still employed during your mat leave then you need to put this down as employment as you were legally employed until the date you officially left you old employer.

Fear That's the thing..... lack of childcare leaves you incapable of carrying out your role. That is why the employer is asking. It is a legit question if asked to all candidates for the role they are interviewing for. You also can't sue for discrimination based on how you feel. You need to prove that you were discriminated against. That is very hard to do as a candidate going through the interview process.

I also work very hard to not make assumptions and look at the potential of the person who I am interviewing. I know they can do the current job but what i am looking for is if they are someone that can be promoted in 2-3 years and beyond. Men who reply that their wives take care of things don't impress me much at all. I want someone who can handle multiple demands and priorities and what he is saying is that he can't handle both a career and family. Any candidate who was defensive and said I couldn't ask that question and start spouting the discrimination act would result in me definitely not hiring the person. They have jumped to conclusions which is unprofessional. Its also a big no no in my line of work to jump to conclusions. You need documented evidence to make a judgement.

I think it's quite reasonable to state that you are able to commit to the job and perform the duties as advertised.

Thanks again for all the replies. My CV has been amended and hopefully that should avoid any future issues.

I do understand that adequate childcare is essential and have that in place. My problem was with the repeated questions referring to emergency care / holiday cover/ after school care. I really felt that questions relating to home life (is your partner involved / do his parents help out?) were overstepping the mark and wholly inappropriate in a professional setting.

I agree OP. Very unprofessional. I remember having an interview in about 1991 and being asked what my husband did for a living and whether we were going to start a family . I don't remember what I said but I was irked I didn't get it because I wanted to turn it down.

The correct way to answer is to look slightly confused and say "Oh my husband handles all that side of things" and leave it at that

LOL RB68

For an awful lot of jobs, it is possible to be flexible on a lot of work days. Thank God, or I'd never have a job.

If a person looks like a flake on their application or in interview, then for sure you ask about that (though why did you shortlist them?) but surely the base assumption is that a person who's turned up to interview is capable of getting somewhere on time when required, just as the base assumption is that an employer will both require a lot of you and will respect the fact that you are a human being. I don't really see what asking about childcare is actually supposed to achieve, any more than I would be impressed if a candidate's question at the end of an interview is 'what is your carer's leave policy'.

Shirley did the interviewers imagine that you saying you'd need to leave due to childcare would make candidates gush about their children, or was it just to demonstrate that they were flexible employers? I would have found it a bit of an odd interjection, perhaps implying that the organisation wasn't very good at managing time (surely interviews should only be organised when all of the interviewers are available?). I think I'd find it a bit off putting really.

TooMuchOfEverything's company has it right. Set out clear expectations and ask if the candidate anticipates any problems. Not that anyone in their right mind (who wanted the job anyway) would say that they were effectively unable to do the job at interview.

OP I don't think you can avoid explaining your employment gap, so you just need a good answer that gives as little detail as possible. Although it would be nice to think you can snub them/remind them of discrimination legislation, presumably you actually want a job so you have to avoid annoying your interviewers too much. 'Childcare is not an issue for me' is surely sufficient? I think if they really start probing I might say something along the lines of 'as I said, childcare won't be an issue, I have contingency plans and I don't think that it's appropriate for me to provide any more detail about my personal arrangements'

Want2be, I can understand that in a US setting talking about how flexible your organisation is is a selling point for you. However I still don't think that interviewees should be asked if they are parents, as it is irrelevant and might make your interviewees anxious, wondering why you were asking and what answer you were looking for. If you want to tell them about your great policies surely that's the sort of thing you have on your website and/or recruiting materials?

nooka I wish that were the case that we could just have people look up on the website. The vast majority of experienced hires are parents, about 90% of them. My employers company culture is to be supportive of working parents. An interviewee who isn't supportive of working parents, such as a man saying 'My wife takes care of that' is not really seen as an ideal fit. A lot of the time people don't believe the policies that we have on the website actually exist. The vast majority of candidates don't believe we actually offer our policies to lower level employees.

Also, each department has a slightly different approach to flexibility. I am in a department with minimal travel because of our client base while other departments require 10+ weeks of travel with trips lasting 2 weeks at a time. It is up to the candidate if they still want to take the role but if we have an opening or an expected opening we will hire into a different department than what they applied for based on their family commitments. I would hate to lose talent because they didn't pick the right job description to apply to. HR have an awful habit of say 0-20% travel. 20% travel is a lot when you have young DC and you need to stay for two weeks at a time, return home for 2 days and do it all again for 2 weeks, for an 8-10 week period.

What is wholly inappropriate is the OP being asked about home life. It is irrelevant if the OH or PIL help out and that isn't something I would ever ask. I also don't ever keep the conversation going about their childcare arrangements because I don't always expect them to have childcare in place. I have had candidates ask if I have children and I tell them that yes I do and it's a challenge to make sure I have the proper childcare in place so I can do my job. I also tell them that my teams have been extremely supportive of creating a schedule that works for my family, with a DH who travels a lot, a DS who has a developmental delay along with a hearing issue and family 3000 miles away as well as a stroppy 4 year old DD.

I phrase the question in a way to try and make them as at ease as possible but it will always be an uncomfortable question. I am not interviewing to catch a candidate out but to assess if they are the right fit for us and them likewise. If me asking that question makes them so uncomfortable then its an indication that they can't manage the really difficult conversations with clients that we often have to have.