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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get fed up of interviewers asking me about childcare?

131 replies

herecomesmytrain · 19/01/2016 14:46

I am planning on returning to work after a 2 year break, which includes maternity leave and relocating to another part of the country. I am now at the point where I want to get back to work, and have had a few (well, 3) interviews recently where, in every case, the interviewers were focused on my plans for childcare, could I work during school holidays / weekends, were GPs actively involved? At the last interview I was actually asked if my partner was around and if PIL were also on hand to help out with childcare.

I'm starting to think I need to lie on my CV about the maternity leave aspect but can't think what else to say...

OP posts:

teatowel · 19/01/2016 15:45

We ask because in the job we do you can't just not come in and you need to come in on time.( Childcare) We would ask men as well as women as it is so important. It makes no difference though. Some new members of staff say at interview that they have childcare sorted- but within a few weeks they are ringing in saying they can't make it. Or more often they have to rush off on a regular basis to pick children up etc. It is no good presuming that people won't apply for a job if they haven't got child care because they do.

OhShutUpThomas · 19/01/2016 15:47

You need to say, quite sweetly, 'is this a test on my knowledge of discrimination law? As we all know that legally you are not allowed to ask me that question. Have I passed? I bet some of the others were caught out! What did the men say when you asked them?'

MistressDeeCee · 19/01/2016 15:52

teatowel what you've said really intimates that your company discriminates against mothers, and also men with young/school-aged children. So parents in general, really. Still I guess if its all about being able to turn up being the major skill, then that works for you

I guess when robots can be employed a whole lot of people will become legally obsolete

OneofTHOSEWomen · 19/01/2016 15:53

Boils my piss too OP.
I try to pre-empt the awkward questioning by briefly outlining the childcare arrangements in the "tell us about yourself" opening question.

how do you express your annoyance being asked the question though? Do you ask for feedback from HR? The interview panel can feedback any bullshit though even if thier main reason not to employ you is are a mum, yes a mum, not a dad.

TooMuchOfEverything · 19/01/2016 15:57

We outline the role, the expectations, and then ask if that is something that they are comfortable with and sure that they can do.

Its really straightforward. They can reply yes or no then can't they?

TBH I'm not bothered if they have children or not. My least flexible employee is the one who has no children but 50 zillion appointments for her pet. But I'm not sure you could ask 'do you have a pet and what is its life expectancy' at an interview...

chillycurtains · 19/01/2016 15:59

I can't see why maternity leave would be listed on your CV.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 19/01/2016 16:02

I've had experience of being wheeled into an interview of a thirty something woman that didn't really concern me as a Trojan horse in order to allow the interviewers to say "Shirley has to go soon to pick her children up.......[pregnant pause].." and thus elicit a statement about children and childcare without officially asking.

I'd like to hear from a poster who does ask all interviewees about childcare. How do the men react? And what are the answers? And what do you do with the information? (Might have to start my own thread)

But I'd have thought that a company who does do that to stay within the law would surely want to preface it with "As we ask all our candidates..."

OneofTHOSEWomen · 19/01/2016 16:03

Mat leave wouldn't but if you left to become a SAHP and have a gap in your CV I think you need to explain it.

EternalSunshine820 · 19/01/2016 16:07

I've been asked these kind of questions in almost every interview post-baby. Would love to know how you are supposed to reply. One interviewer came back and told me straight that she didn't think I could handle a return to work so soon and she thought I should wait a while. Funny, I thought that was my decision.

Like Stevie says, the best thing must be to consider you've had a lucky break.. but when it happens over and over then there's a problem (and they don't care about discrimination legislation as it would take so much for you to actually take that anywhere, not to mention prove it, they know they will likely never be called out on it. Much like most of the pregnancy discrimination legislation and the like).

DisappointedOne · 19/01/2016 16:08

It's not unlawful so long as they are asking the question to EVERY candidate.

OP, remove all reference to your mat leave/DC from your CV. Sad to say, but you're kind of asking for it!

Krampus · 19/01/2016 16:09

I was about to reply the same OneofThose For some women there is a gap to be explained, better to explain that its due to children rather than wonder if you'dve spent 5 years in prison for man slaughter or fraud.

I wonder if they can get round it by asking everyone who applies for that role, rather than everyone in the company? Some jobs have mainly female applicants.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 19/01/2016 16:09

The problem is that the OP has been off for 2 years so has an unhidable gap after her maternity leave ended.

OnlyLovers · 19/01/2016 16:10

I like Thomas's solution.

Shirley, what happened? If the candidate had any nous I hope they just nodded and waited politely for the next question.

notquitehuman · 19/01/2016 16:13

Out of interest, who would you even report these companies to? If some interviewer was being a dick and asking discriminatory questions, is there anyone out there who'd take action against them? I'm guessing they can get away with it because most people can't afford to set employment lawyers on them.

FrenchJunebug · 19/01/2016 16:14

I have never been asked about childcare in an interview nor have I asked potential candidates about it. This is totally out of order and has nothing to do with somebody being good at there job.

knobblyknee · 19/01/2016 16:16

They're not permitted to ask that, or if you are a single parent, or disabled. Honestly the cheek. Contact ACAS and check this out.

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1410

Original poster

herecomesmytrain · 19/01/2016 16:22

Maybe I am asking for it, Disappointed as I do say "career break to look after my daughter / relocation to Edinburgh" to explain the gap on my CV. But I don't feel that repeated questions about childcare are appropriate to the interview / my ability to do a professional job.

But I'm not sure how to disguise the gap in my CV - as krampus says, I'd rather it was that than have them wondering if I'm an ex-con

I think I will go with Thomas's idea, tinkly laugh combined with the Paddington bear death stare. Fingers crossed it'll work!

OP posts:

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 19/01/2016 16:23

The candidate gave what seemed to me to be an entirely satisfactory answer to her childcare solution but she didn't end up being employed (neither did anyone else, so I have no idea what happened). I thought it was pretty low behaviour especially as it wasn't a job where bums on seats were business critical.

If a small doctor's surgery was recruiting for a lone receptionist for example I can see that regular failure to turn up would be disastrous (although even childless people get D&V/hit by buses/slipped discs).

toffeeboffin · 19/01/2016 16:26

As other people have said OP, and as clearly demonstrated in these interviews, you actually do need to lie. Just don't mention it.

If they do ask what you were doing, say you relocated and worked on a housing renovation project for this time due to your relocation.

Having children should be totally irrelevant to someone's capacity to do a job!

Want2bSupermum · 19/01/2016 16:27

These questions are asked and the best way to move on is to ask a question back such as, 'Oh so your business hours are not X am - Y pm?' Then when they reply with what the hours are you can move the conversation along by saying, 'Based on the responsibilities we have talked about, its a more realistic working day and in line with with my expectations. When it comes to my role developing and taking on more senior responsibilities I understand I may need to work more hours and that isn't a problem... for as long as I get a promotion!'

If you went back to work after your first DC you could always say 'Of course, I went back to work after DC1 so I have had a good practice run at managing childcare. One of my strengths is being organized and having back up plans. This enabled me to accomplish x,y and z after I returned to work after my 1st DC and remain a valued member of the team.'

Never fall for a 'discrimination' question because you will be immediately be thought of as a potential PITA. Brush it off and focus on selling yourself. After you have the job offer or invitation to 2nd round then say something quietly to HR. It could be that they are asking all parents this question. You will never know so best not to assume the worst.

DisappointedOne · 19/01/2016 16:29

It could be that they are asking all parents this question.

How would they know which candidates are parents?

DisappointedOne · 19/01/2016 16:31

From an HR perspective it's far from clever to ask these sorts of questions, but then if you mention children in your CV (and not many do) it may make interviewers wonder which is going to take priority for you. Which is another debate entirely.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/01/2016 16:31

I work in traditionally male dominated industries. This has happened to me a few times. Not recently though because I think they all know it is not allowed any more.

I turn it round on them. I also use the politicians' trick of using my scripted answer no matter exactly what their question was.

Practise this in the mirror ready for next time:

Raise eyebrows at question. Leave longish pause then say the following slowly and deliberately but in a pleasantly bemused tone of voice "That's an unusual question. If you mean will I be able to cover the required working hours, then yes I will. Have you had a problem with men and women taking unauthorised absences?"

One memorable time, the interviewer then went on to explain himself with lots of amazingly sexist blether: I decided I didn't want to work with them. I turned down another where it turned out they expected lots of unpaid overtime at short notice and they asked men a similarly sexist question about whether they had a housewife.

BelindaBagwash · 19/01/2016 16:32

I'm sure they can't ask questions like these.

Would they be asking a man with children what his childcare arrangements would be?

I remember years ago a HT telling me she hadn't given a job to a young married teacher because "She would be going off to have kids soon". She had no intention of having kids.

20 years later she still has no kids and I hope the HT's judgey pants have hoiked up and strangled her

teatowel · 19/01/2016 16:33

Mistress
That is complete and utter rubbish. Every single one of us in the company is a mother. If you turned up in the morning to drop your child off at daycare and your child couldn't be taken in because there was nobody there you might be slightly fed up. Turning up on time may not be our main skill but it is very important one- as is staying until the last child has gone home. We need that assurance.

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