AIBU to get fed up of interviewers asking me about childcare?

[herecomesmytrain]

I am planning on returning to work after a 2 year break, which includes maternity leave and relocating to another part of the country. I am now at the point where I want to get back to work, and have had a few (well, 3) interviews recently where, in every case, the interviewers were focused on my plans for childcare, could I work during school holidays / weekends, were GPs actively involved? At the last interview I was actually asked if my partner was around and if PIL were also on hand to help out with childcare.

I'm starting to think I need to lie on my CV about the maternity leave aspect but can't think what else to say...

Can you answer along the lines of children are the primary responsibility of men not women in my culture so I am happy to confirm their father has made all appropriate arrangements.

If I were asking everyone that question I'd definitely preface it with "as part of our standard recruitment process we ask these questions of all candidates" to ward off challenge.

Good point, Disappointed

I've had that question a few times. My reply has been the Paddington Bear hard stare with the following comment:

"Now that question has put me in a difficult position. I'm assuming you asked the male candidates the same question? If not, this could be viewed as sexual discrimination. Shall we forget that issue was ever raised and carry on?"

Raise eyebrow, settle back in seat, look expectant.

Oh and my employer asks and uses it as a tool to sell themselves to parents. We have compressed work schedules, PT options and working from home is encouraged. We also have unlimited sick that can be used for both yourself and your family (unusual for the US).

When I ask at interview I always ask 'We ask everyone if they are parents because my employer has worked hard to put together policies to support working parents. However, at certain times of the year we work 6-7 days a week hence we ask if you have childcare in place that supports this sort of schedule on a short term basis?'

Men nearly always say, 'Yes my wife is home at weekends. She takes care of all that.' Best answer was 'Yes, my wife and I are both focused on managing our careers while raising a family. We are both keen to stay FT while raising our 4 DC and my reason for applying here was because of your well publicized family friendly policies. It is great to know I share a similar ethos as my goal is to give my best to you, my wife and my children.'

Yes, slug but you are in a job interview.

If you said this you would be immediately identified as a trouble maker and not even get through to the second round!

They hold all the cards - they are interviewing you

You need them more than they need you!

So - fix your CV and just say it was due to relocation.

Your personal life is nothing to do with them, and anything about it shouldn't be asked - that includes how you'll commute, childcare, whether you're straight/gay/married/pregnant etc.

If anyone asks, it's up to you how confrontational you want to be, but anything from "I have no personal reasons which would affect my ability to perform excellently within this role"
to "Do you ask the men that question? You do know it's illegal, don't you?"

If you already feel like you won't get/don't want the job, you could go with the second. But let's be honest, even though they are breaking the law, and you are the victim of discrimination, if you dare to challenge them, it will be you who doesn't get the job.

One place I worked, we had a woman who came in for interview on her due date. Not one person, even chatting over lunch, mentioned it. It was absolutely nothing to do with ability to perform at work and therefore not part of the interview.

I can't really see the problem with them asking about childcare arrangements. I know there's laws about discrimination, but if you have good childcare plans in place then where's the harm in telling them?

There's only a problem if you don't have decent childcare plans and expect you're going to end up letting your employer down at some point.

My ex-boss was once heard loudly stating in the staff room that 'From now we only hire young blokes - sick of all the girls going on mat.leave!"

Arse.

I would never mention my children on my cv.

I once interviewed someone who claimed completing her PhD while raising two small children was a good example of time management or achievement or something. I though it was fair enough but the other three on the panel were HORRIFIED that she'd used a personal example and mentioned her children. I decided then I'd never mention mine. (Though she did get the job).

If you said this you would be immediately identified as a trouble maker and not even get through to the second round! They hold all the cards - they are interviewing you

I couldn't disagree more. The point of a job interview is to decide both ways if the job is right. If a company labelled people who speak their mind as troublemakers I wouldn't be right for them.

Osolea there is no problem as long as they ask everyone about their caring commitments.

It's so hard to solve that problem. And there should be someone we could go to if asked that kind of question or if we find that a company is using blatantly sexist hiring practices.
FWIW, what do small businesses do when someone goes on (paid) mat leave? (I have less sympathy for big companies who should be able to manage!) Are they just out of those funds because they continue paying eg 16 weeks mat leave salary, but they also have to hire and pay maternity cover? Because if that's the way it works, then whether they say it out loud or know better, there is a HUGE incentive not to hire women of apparent childbearing age...
One solution long-term is more dads taking leave, but I gather in some fields that's rather ridiculed. Until it is really equally men and women (not happening in the near future- what about breast-feeding?), this incentive's going to be there.

They claim 92-103% of smp back from the government. See www.gov.uk/recover-statutory-payments/reclaiming

My ex-boss was once heard loudly stating in the staff room that 'From now we only hire young blokes - sick of all the girls going on mat.leave

People like that deserve to hire a load of 'young blokes' who go onto become fathers and exercise their right to take all of the shared parental leave. Because that is the only way that potential employers will stop discriminating against women in the fear that they'll have babies.

Strangely our female head of department has declared shared parental leave as 'ridiculous' even though she took the minimum maternity leave possible, returned to work full time and her DH did the lions share of childcare while she got on with her big job and all the travel and long hours that it entails.

toby where do you work? Any employer I have worked for would see some of these replies as being a troublemaker and you would not get the job or be invited back.

Part of being professional is managing people who aren't. In my role I often have to guide my client on what the right way is. I don't go in there and tell them working practices are wrong. The client would be most offended if I did that and quite rightly so.

fussy They can claim it back but it is a cashflow problem along with a much larger burden in terms of managing the work. It takes time and money to hire the maternity cover which is not reimbursed.

toffee, 'They hold all the cards - they are interviewing you. You need them more than they need you!'

Not necessarily true. An interview goes both ways. An excellent candidate is worth their weight in gold.

slug, if I may ask, what's been the response/upshot on those occasions? (excellent response from you, BTW )

Wantobesupermum there is no way my employer would ask that in an interview to just women. So I don't see your point? I also work somewhere where there is free speech and it is encouraged.

The other day I saw a job advert to cover someone on paternity leave. I'm hoping to see many more in future!

toby I was replying to your comment made in reply to Toffee who was replying to Slug.

My point is that I think Toffee is right. slug is being confrontational because they are making the assumption that only women are answering this question. This would mark slug as a PITA employee and they wouldn't go any further in the interview process.

Many of the other replies posted on here would also have you marked as a trouble maker. You can't assume they are just asking women unless you are being interviewed along side a man who isn't asked the same question. I know for my employer it is a standard question we ask any experienced hire. We don't ask college grads who are in their early 20's because the likelihood of them being a parent is low.

I for one don't want to work with people who always assume the worst. However, as the interviewee I would raise it with HR if a 2nd round or offer was made to confirm that it was company policy to ask all parents questions regarding childcare. There is a big difference in how you handle this. I think being confrontational doesn't get you very far.

It's difficult isn't it

You can't assume they are just asking women unless you are being interviewed along side a man who isn't asked the same question.

^This is just it.....how do you know? You don't and that's why a lot of companies will just be asking women and getting away with it. It's depressing.

The last couple of jobs I've applied for I've written something like "I particularly want to work here because the organisation is part of my local community and working here will support my overall work/life balance because my children are 5 and 8. And for the 2nd job, promotional move it was something like the foregoing and my dc are now 14 and 17 and I am ready to develop my career further and have more personal freedom to commit to an organisation.

Got both jobs, three promotions in the former. Both professional jobs btw. Had three days off in 12 years due to childcare. Neither employer asked at interview. Have only had the two interviews after an 8 year break. I said the break was due to being a full time parent and listed the other things I'd done in that time.

I always think honesty's the best policy but they shouldn't be asking the question. I ask all candidates something like "Are you able to work flexibly during busy periods which might involve late working or occasions weekend working.