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Original poster

To think one of the hardest parts about being a parent is..

41 replies

bornwithaplasticspoon · 18/01/2016 13:26

When they stop being pleased to see you?

I'm over it with my older two now, but the youngest is getting to that stage. She comes out of school and I just get a small smile and a mumbled 'hi' instead of running to me with 'mummy!!' crashing into me and a barrage of what she's been doing.

It's only a small thing but it hurts Sad

Slipping through my fingers..

OP posts:
Baressentials · 18/01/2016 13:45

Yes I know what you mean. It is hard. They come running out of school full of excitement, shrieking and shouting at you what they have done that day. Then before you know it they come out and it is all "can't remember, dunno"

I just keep telling myself this is how it should be. It means they are growing up and getting older and I am pleased they are. The other option doesn't bear thinking about.
It does go in full circles though, my oldest dc (16) comes home from school and after an hour of chilling out he feels the need to discuss, in depth, for a looong time, his lessons, his gcses, his future. All being well, this is the way it should be. I think it is ok to be sad about the passing of certain aspects of their childhood too.

Baressentials · 18/01/2016 13:47

Sorry, just reread an saw this is your youngest. My youngest is only 18 months so I can imagine i will find it very hard too when he needs me less.

wasonthelist · 18/01/2016 13:51

I agree, but I enjoy the fun we can have now - even though I need to keep finding new jokes (DD is 7).

megletthesecond · 18/01/2016 13:53

9yo ds saunters out, hurls his bag and coat at my feet and only wants to know if I've got his football before running off to play on the field..

Millionsmom · 18/01/2016 13:55

I feel your pain.

Letting your DC make their own mistakes in another one.

It never ends does it.

MimsyBorogroves · 18/01/2016 13:58

DS2 (4) has always been pleased to see me, but has always had the "can't remember"s about school. DS1 has always just ambled out and mumbled a bit, except in nursery when he had to be prised out of the place screaming when it was time to leave. Sad

Original poster
bornwithaplasticspoon · 18/01/2016 14:13

My dd is 9. She's always been very close to me but just in the last few months there's been that shift. She reads to herself, she runs her own bath/shower and washes her own hair and she spends more time in her room. She even says she wants to walk to school herself Shock we're very close to school but even son I'm not ready for that. It's nice when they gain some independence but - bitter sweet

I guess the next time I'll experience that 'running at me with joy' moment will be - grandchildren!

Something to look forward to at least Smile

OP posts:
AnonymousBird · 18/01/2016 14:27

OP - I could have written your last post! My DD is ten now, but exactly the same as what you describe. And she DOES now walk herself to school, which is kind of a shock, but she loves it so much that I am pleased for her. Her and her friend set off, four days a week, and just natter all the way there having a nice time together. I collect her every day still though.

However, we do still have a cuddle on the sofa when she is in her PJ's before bed time. Even DS (11) still manages that from time to time. Possibly not for much longer!

DotForShort · 18/01/2016 14:36

I know someone with two boys, aged 14 and 16. She recently said to me, "I remember they used to look at me with utter adoration. Now they barely glance in my direction. Then again, I am less enamoured of them myself these days." Grin

Of course she adores her boys. But the parent/child relationship grows and develops as the children do. It can be so difficult at times, though. Flowers for you, AnonymousBird.

DotForShort · 18/01/2016 14:38

Oops, sorry, I meant Flowers for bornwithaplasticspoon.

But I guess there are enough flowers to go around! Smile

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 18/01/2016 14:39

But think of things you don't miss irrational screaming tantrums in Asda melt downs over the last biscuit ....

teatowel · 18/01/2016 14:43

How secret, sneaky-soft they come:
those last times when we’ll kiss it better,
hold their hand across the road
or lift them up to post a letter.
They pass unmarked, un-noticed; for
we’re not so needed any more.
So they abandon fairy tales,
and nursery rhymes that mummy sings
and leave behind soft toys – and us -
and put away their childish things;
a loss so small. Our loss the greater,
unmissed, un-mourned, until years later.

Last two verses of a poem by Lucy Berry.

Katedotness1963 · 18/01/2016 14:53

No more hand holding, although my 14 year old will let me take his arm when we walk together. I used to help them get things from high shelves, now the reach over my head and hand me things I'm struggling to reach. The first time you have to hand over the child-proof bottle because you can't manage it. They go to the shop and bring you back a treat.

Original poster
bornwithaplasticspoon · 18/01/2016 16:42

Such a poignant poem, teatowel Sad. Time moves so fast.

Anonymous - dd still loves cuddles, thank goodness. I can still (just about!) carry her up to bed which is lovely.

Sally - good point Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
bornwithaplasticspoon · 18/01/2016 16:42

Dot, thanks SmileFlowers

OP posts:
IPityThePontipines · 18/01/2016 17:01

Tea towel - that's a lovely poem.

foxessocks · 18/01/2016 17:31

I'm sobbing now thanks to that poem! Ok I am 8 weeks pregnant so over emotional and I'm sitting with my 2 year old who is cuddled up as close as she could possibly get to me and is tapping my hand every few minutes to ask me if I like Thomas the tank engine! I was just starting to get fed up saying yes I like Thomas but now I'm thinking nooooooo please always want to sit with me and cuddle me and talk to me.

Ps if this helps at all it does come full circle because I am 28 and I really love seeing my mum and I will tell her everything about my day or my week with great excitement! Smile

ollieplimsoles · 18/01/2016 17:43

I sooo needed this thread today, had a particularly challenging day with 11 week old dd.
She's finally asleep in my arms now and I knew in an hour I'll miss her and want her to wake up!

BlueFolly · 18/01/2016 17:50

OP - you're DD I'd 9 years old, you live close to the school and you're not ready for her to walk in?!!!

teatowel · 18/01/2016 18:21

It is called " The Last Time" and is a good one to read when they have been driving you mad all day and you need a reminder that you do love them really :) :)

Original poster
bornwithaplasticspoon · 18/01/2016 18:48

Blueflurry that's right. There's no one for her to walk with and there's one fairly busy road which we cross but she can walk further down and cross with the lollypop lady. I have to go that way anyway so walk her to school on my way. Maybe I can just start walking behind her...

OP posts:
NeedsAMousekatool · 18/01/2016 18:56

That poem is so sad :(

Hihohoho1 · 18/01/2016 19:12

I don't think it's sad!

Look life never stands still and what you loose as they grow older you gain.

My oldest ds is soon to be a dad so that's a whole new adventure for us all.

When your ds buys you a glass of wine with his own earned cash and you share an adult joke together.

When your teen dds actually ask your advice on clothes and they arnt taking the piss. Grin

Sure you loose the adoration for a few years but actually they do appreciate your help and experience as they get older. Honestly.

I think tantrums, sleepless nights and nappies are very over rated. Wink

NeedsAMousekatool · 18/01/2016 19:29

It's not that they grow up that's sad, it's that there's all these little 'last times', and the idea that it might be the last time that DD falls asleep on my lap and I don't realise it and sit there thinking 'oh ffs I need a wee and I need to hang out the washing' when it'll never happen again and I ought to make the most of it not wish it away... Sorry I'm a bit overtired today!

Cotto · 18/01/2016 19:53

FGS really ?
Your DC are growing up and all you can do is "mourn" are you Liz Fraser
Do you really fulfil your own emotional needs via your DCHmm - that poem isn't sad.
Your Child never growing up is sad FGS.Its devastating.
yes I smile at how small they were but I will never be sad they are growing up, never.

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