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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make nanny and DC travel economy?

724 replies

BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:10

We are planning a trip to NY in the autumn and plan to take nanny, DD who will be 6 and DS who will be 16 months.

DH and I will be flying business, partially because I am a crap flyer despite flying frequently and partly because we have quite a lot of air miles that we want to make the most of.

The plan is to bring nanny on the 5 day trip so she can help out with the travelling and babysit for us on three of the nights. I've discussed it with her and she's very eager to come, and the plan is she will have 2 days and 2 evenings completely free to do as she pleases, plus TOIL of 6 days. We will of course pay for all hotels/flights/meals out and she's welcome to join in with us on her days off if she wishes. She also gets her own room whilst we have a 2 bed family room.

The difference between economy and club is about 2.5k per ticket, which whilst we are not poor is still a fair chunk of money.

So AIBU to fly business whilst she flies economy? And will DS need his own seat or will he need to go on one of our laps?

OP posts:
BYOSnowman · 17/01/2016 19:44

I love holidays with the kids - it's when we are all at our most relaxed. I've never liked beach holidays though so we tend to do a mix of stuff. Does your dh have happy memories of his childhood holidays?

Fluffy24 · 17/01/2016 19:44

DeAtHnOtE on that basis I'd never go anywhere or let DC go anywhere without me - you're more likely to be killed in a car accident on a plane!

Original poster
BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:45

Is it really that strange to holiday without your kids? I know quite a few people who do it!

Maybe I am projecting my own experiences, but when my parents had one holiday a year to themselves and a couple of smaller ones geared to us we all had a much better time.

I work flexi hours 4 days a week so I do actually spend a fair bit of time with my kids and I absolutely adore them! It is for one week a year and maybe two evenings a month we are without them, am I honestly being a neglectful parent?

OP posts:
Merguez · 17/01/2016 19:45

YANBU.

It's a sensible plan, although it might make things easier to book a seat in economy for the 16-month old as well.

Now our dc are older (teenagers) we would have no hesitation in flying long haul in business thanks to dh's airmiles while the dc go in economy. No need for a nanny any more though!

If we fly short haul we all fly together in economy.

vintagefiend · 17/01/2016 19:45

rosewithoutthorns is spoiling for a fight- she's already been rude on one thread and now she's trying this one for size- wonder if you're so unpleasant in real life!
Anyway- to the point: YANBU - they're used to the nanny, she's your nanny, you should feel no compunction about this.....if I had the money I'd do it and I'm able to accept that some people have more money than I do without being an utter twat to them!

Izzabellasasperella · 17/01/2016 19:46

It's your 6 year olds first trip on a plane? Sorry but the first time we took Dr on a plane I was beyond excited by her excitement. There is no way I would miss that by leaving her with the nanny.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2016 19:46

I have found that my fear of flying (bad enough to take Valium for a few years) has almost entirely gone since having DD. I was worried for my own life. Now, I'm really mostly concerned about her. I can control my anxiety because it's about her comfort. I can see that if something happened, all that would matter is making sure that either she lived, or that I was there for her if the worst happened.

Which is why I simply can't imagine being in a different part of the the plane to her.

Oh, and I would never ask someone to have my toddler on their lap for hours on a plane. It's bloody miserable and I couldn't sit there while someone else did it. And I have a cleaner, someone who babysits and a sometime gardener.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 17/01/2016 19:47

I am a nanny. I flew with my 2 bosses a young toddler on a long haul flight. Because toddler was young they didn't have a seat to themselves however luckily we managed to score 5 seats for the 4 of us. And boy were we glad of the space. I work 12 hour days but that 8 hours on the plane felt like forever and I was glad we had a seat for the toddler and that both my bosses were sat with us so we could all help out with a tired, bored and mobile restricted toddler on a flight. I 2ould book your son a seat at least so there are 3 seats in economy and do what we did which was take shifts and have you come and siT with the children occassionally so your nanny can go to the toilet have a well earned rest during the flight.

Jessbow · 17/01/2016 19:47

Sheer practicalities..what happens when baby needs changing or nanny needs a wee? Can she realistically leave either both, or one child whilst she attending to her own toilet needs or that of a six year old?

At least book a seat so her lap is free.

BYOSnowman · 17/01/2016 19:47

Meh, we fly business long haul with the kids. Dh has the miles and I hardly ever travel so quite like having the extra space. It's called business for marketing reasons - not as an order.

my kid screamed once when he had cramp in his sleep. Annoying? Probably. But no more annoying than the guy who watched films through the night and laughed insanely throughout.

MissBattleaxe · 17/01/2016 19:48

It may have been said already, but do get your 16 mo their own seat. At that age they can be heavy and wriggly and its not fair to expect anyone to do that for 7 or 8 hours in a small space.

NerrSnerr · 17/01/2016 19:49

I think it's a different life to the vast majority of people OP. I don't know anyone who holidays without their kids, most couldn't anyway because they'd have no one to look after them.

I think you should either have an adult holiday and leave them with the nanny or have a family holiday and do the whole thing as a family.

FrustratedFrugal · 17/01/2016 19:49

On my last flight a woman behind me was making bitter comments about her husband flying business (she was not). Her whining didn't help and it just sounded odd. On the other hand, if you take a toddler to the front of the cabin, some people will absolutely hate you and make it clear in one way or another. There is no great solution.

I used to live in South America when my DC were small, long flights were always tough, and I still fly a lot with my children. 16 months is a lot of work, bulkhead was easiest as they could play on the floor. Buy a separate seat, I still remember what it felt like when circulation was cut off my feet for six hours, and rotate childcare duties, eating and bathroom breaks in particular. The six-year-old will be mostly fine but deplaning and carrying stuff can be tricky, as my children usually fall asleep at the end of the flight. The easiest configuration is one child per adult.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 17/01/2016 19:49

YANBU.

  1. Business class is probably wasted on preschoolers
  2. Nanny is getting a pretty good deal here - two entirely free days and evenings, plus 6 days time off in lieu.
  3. It's a good opportunity for op and her dh to catch up after long time apart.
  4. Op is a nervous flyer and doesn't want her dd to witness this

And yes, this thread was done ages ago. I don't think it was pretty but my memory of it is faint.

AndNowItsSeven · 17/01/2016 19:49

No op one week a year is not selfish as long as it's not at the expense of a family holiday. Sorry I assumed you holidayed without the dc more often.
You really should do both though.
I don't see a problem with the business class but do buy a seat for the baby, he will be comfy in his car seat and can nap easier. It's really not fair on the nanny to hold a squirming toddler for hours.

MurielKlein · 17/01/2016 19:50

A first world problem if ever there was one ...

Fluffy24 · 17/01/2016 19:50

Bearbehind

So once you are a parent you shouldn't have any time away on your own as a couple but should plan everything around your children?

Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 19:50

Get 16 month old a seat and sit with your family.

Sit them with you.

SolsburyHell · 17/01/2016 19:50

Could you book them into premium economy and reserve the bulk head(?) seats so they have some comforts and more leg room etc but it should cost less?

DickDewy · 17/01/2016 19:51

Of course you're not neglectful.

We have never holidayed without our children, but I would love to have when they were really little.

Parker231 · 17/01/2016 19:51

As its your DD's first trip, would you not want to be with her? As your DH has been working away, why would he not want to spend as much time as possible with his children as not park them in another area of the plane?

Winifredgoose · 17/01/2016 19:52

In terms of the nanny it sounds perfectly reasonable.
But when I think of the joy of flying on holiday with my family, and sharing the excitement with my children (though it is tiring when they are young), I can't help but feel sorry for them flying with someone who is paid to spend time with them.

SolsburyHell · 17/01/2016 19:53

By the way, I think the arrangement you suggested is fine but some people seem to have a real chip on their shoulder about it. She's a paid employee not the MIL.

expatinscotland · 17/01/2016 19:53

Buy your son his own seat! 16 months is a toddler.

BolshierAryaStark · 17/01/2016 19:53

You said you don't take the kids on holiday, I don't know anyone who doesn't take the kids on holiday so sorry but yes, for me,it is odd. You are declining them a simple pleasure of family life.