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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make nanny and DC travel economy?

724 replies

BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:10

We are planning a trip to NY in the autumn and plan to take nanny, DD who will be 6 and DS who will be 16 months.

DH and I will be flying business, partially because I am a crap flyer despite flying frequently and partly because we have quite a lot of air miles that we want to make the most of.

The plan is to bring nanny on the 5 day trip so she can help out with the travelling and babysit for us on three of the nights. I've discussed it with her and she's very eager to come, and the plan is she will have 2 days and 2 evenings completely free to do as she pleases, plus TOIL of 6 days. We will of course pay for all hotels/flights/meals out and she's welcome to join in with us on her days off if she wishes. She also gets her own room whilst we have a 2 bed family room.

The difference between economy and club is about 2.5k per ticket, which whilst we are not poor is still a fair chunk of money.

So AIBU to fly business whilst she flies economy? And will DS need his own seat or will he need to go on one of our laps?

OP posts:
wickedwaterwitch · 17/01/2016 19:30

There won't be an emergency, it's highly unlikely, and is not a good reason to spend £5k. It's a bit like the mumsnet 'don't pay for petrol and leave children in the car it MIGHT EXPLODE' scenario.

We go away without our children quite a bit, it's bliss. (And with them)

SirChenjin · 17/01/2016 19:30

Why on earth don't you go on holiday with your kids? Confused

Hang on - this is a wind up on a slow Sunday evening before War and Peace comes on, isn't it?

MarshaBrady · 17/01/2016 19:32

I'd get a seat for your ds. 16 months will be big enough to need it

stampedingthefields · 17/01/2016 19:32

I can understand wanting an adult break, and if you can afford it, see no reason why you wouldn't leave children with the nanny if you wanted a weekend sightseeing or doing adventure sports.

That's not a problem.

However, OP said 'we don't normally take the children on holiday at all' and now that she is, doesn't seem to want them near her!

That's - extreme.

MarshaBrady · 17/01/2016 19:32

So two business, and three economy

Bearbehind · 17/01/2016 19:32

FFS commander

Are you saying no single parent should travel wth 2 children in case they cant put the masks on in the event of an emergency? Hmm

I'm totally torn on this TBH.

I'd hate children in business class if I'd paid the extra for it but on the other had it does seem wrong to sit in business class yourself whilst your children and paid staff are in cattle class. Kind of makes you wonder why you had kids in the first place if you don't want them doing what you do?

lostinmiddlemarch · 17/01/2016 19:32

I feel very, very sorry for your nanny. How can you leave the poor girl to manage two young children on a plane while you relax somewhere else? This is a particularly stressful experience for her (and probably them) and it's completely unnecessary because there are two competent adults with parental responsibility in that plane. How would you like to be in her shoes? I just don't know how I could work for you after that.

When we fly, we always end up with children curled up on our laps because it's more comfortable for them to sleep that way - but she's only got one lap (and no one to take turns with).

I don't care who else does this - I think it's low to not even take one child with you, both to her and the children.

Unless you make her a gift of some of the huge amount of money you will be saving.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 17/01/2016 19:33

Someone said not to travel with children in business class? Why not?? Mine have and do often. they have as much right as anyone else to be there if I've bought the ticket.

PandasRock · 17/01/2016 19:33

Ime of flying with members of group in different cabins the bit that business travellers got most shirty about was those pesky lot from economy invading... And so sharing care of ds, or your dd wanting to see you, or even your nanny wanting to go to the loo without holding a baby and having a 6 yr old in tow, become harder than they sound.

We take our nanny on holiday with us. For all those judging, with sniffy comments about 'family holidays' having someone who is, in so many respects, part of the family along with you isn't as weird as it sounds. A bit like taking a holiday with grandparents, or cousins.

Anyway, our rule is that we all travel together (although our family circumstances dictate that anyway - 3x dc with ASD), whatever class that may be. If we can't all go club, then we don't. The bit that would bother me most, though, would be the inequality- I know the nanny is an employee, but to leave one person to deal with 2 small dc on their own (one on lap as well) while the two of you relax and stretch out seems mean to me. It wouldn't feel, to me, as though we were treating our nanny properly if we did this, and certainly not as one of the family. And i couldn't have a nanny I didn't consider one of the family.

HarrysMummy17 · 17/01/2016 19:33

My ds was 20 months when we flew to New York. We booked him his own seat and used the CARES harness. He spent some time on mine and Dp's lap but was glad for him to have a seat for s long haul flight.

If I was your nanny I'd be ok with sitting in economy with them both providing the 6yo is no trouble but j think I'd prefer the younger one to have a seat.
We also booked a bassinet seat so we had the extra room in front of us so ds could play on the floor in front of our seats

Believeitornot · 17/01/2016 19:33

Yabu

I have a nanny and if we took her on holiday there's no way my children would fly in a different class. I am not even sure if be happy with my nanny flying a different class.

It just feels a bit "staff are second rate" to me. A bit like buying them economy basics food while I stuff my face on waitrose finest. Just on a bigger scale.

mumcantmakeadecision · 17/01/2016 19:33

so you and Dh will be in the nice big spacious quiet seats without any worries, while your nanny sits in VERY cramped seats with your 6 year old and your 16 month old on her lap for 7 hours???? and she is meant to keep them entertained and happy in that time? what happens if one ( or both) children are sick, bored, need the toilet? or the nanny needs a wee? what happens in turbulence? or at meal times? ( is she not meant to eat for the journey?)

milkmilklemonade12 · 17/01/2016 19:33

I've brought my au pair on holiday, we all flew economy; but I don't think it's weird to do so. They look after your DC; you're going to be close!

In your position, I would put the DC in economy with the nanny.

Tiisha · 17/01/2016 19:34

This all sounds very odd. Just go alone together as you always do. Your DD is probably used to that happening and there is no point changing the arrangements for the one-off experience of a holiday that includes your kids

NeedACleverNN · 17/01/2016 19:34

Don't want to upset you here OP but I am repeating what others have said

Why on earth did you have children if they get left with the nanny all the time?

I'm a firm believer in, if you have children, you raise them. It's all very well having a break now and then but not all the time

Roseformeplease · 17/01/2016 19:34

Weirdly, I have experience of this, as a child. My Dad's company, in the days before Business Class, flew all the family First Class everywhere. This was fantastic - and I am 1 of 4 children. However, he moved companies and they only paid First for him and my Mum. The 4 of us, without Nanny (so I, aged 10, was in charge) were on one side of the curtain, my parents on the other. I knew exactly what was going on and had a keen sense of "it's not fair". So, the Nanny is an adult and is working so, for her YANBU. But, I would feel very sorry for your children - away from you, not sharing the experience with Mum and Dad and sitting, possibly, many rows away. At least we were only one row (and a whole class) apart.

Why don't you and DH share a Business Seat - perhaps you take it for take off and landing. Then the other, plus kids, sit in economy with the nanny and share the burden, and pleasure of their excitement. After all, it is their holiday too.

BYOSnowman · 17/01/2016 19:34

They may not let you bring baby into business if you've paid for economy for him

Fratelli · 17/01/2016 19:34

I thought people went on family holidays to spend time as a family, not to palm their kids off on the nanny. Your kids will end up being closer to her than to you as she will have spent the quality time with them. You sound like a very detached parent. Why on earth did you have children?

HermioneWeasley · 17/01/2016 19:34

Wow, your nanny gets a free trip to NYC and people think you're being unfair.

I so would do it in your position.

Enjoy!

Original poster
BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:34

The main reason I don't take the kids on holiday as I have horrible memories of family holidays as a kid. I was always bored with few kids my own age to play with, my parents found it stressful trying to make sure we weren't fighting/drowning so ended up arguing.

I honestly don't think that holidays are much fun for kids unless they are geared towards children. We get much more as family from DH and I having an adult focused week somewhere by ourselves and then doing a few short breaks to Disney/centreparcs etc which DD loves.

I adore my kids and love spending time with them, just not on a plane where I'm nervous.

OP posts:
Belvedere · 17/01/2016 19:35

I was a nanny many years ago and flew economy with the kids many times whilst the parents were up the front. Didn't bother me at all. I was working and getting to fly around the world. I think as long as your share your smaller ds on laps, it's all good.

Youarentkiddingme · 17/01/2016 19:35

Hang on, let me get this right. Your nanny works 5 days as per her usual contract, she's getting 2 of those to explore NY for free, then getting another 6 days paid leave for doing it?

Im either missing something or I'm in the wrong job!

As for the business/economy thing. TBH I don't know. I don't know enough about either to understand why children wouldn't be in business or nervous fliers in economy.
I would have assumed if working then yes, separate areas are ok. If children are in with you you'd be doing a lions share of the care.

Perhaps offer the nanny a choice? Economy with children and 6 day toil or business all together and 3 days toil?

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 17/01/2016 19:35

Having a 16 month old on your lap for a flight that length isn't going to be easy, especially if you are looking after a 6 year old, imagine the meal time scenario. You really need to book them three seats if you are going to do this.

DeAtHnOtE · 17/01/2016 19:35

I wouldn't. Purely because if the plane goes down I want my children to have the best chance, and I reckon a parent would go far further than 'hired staff' to save them no matter how fond the staff is of the children.

Plus, if we were all doomed with no chance I couldn't die knowing they were 'alone' without me and their Dad.

Galaxymum · 17/01/2016 19:36

Reading this thread makes me realise I live in a different world from many MNers. Wishing I could even start a thread with this dilemma.

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