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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make nanny and DC travel economy?

724 replies

BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:10

We are planning a trip to NY in the autumn and plan to take nanny, DD who will be 6 and DS who will be 16 months.

DH and I will be flying business, partially because I am a crap flyer despite flying frequently and partly because we have quite a lot of air miles that we want to make the most of.

The plan is to bring nanny on the 5 day trip so she can help out with the travelling and babysit for us on three of the nights. I've discussed it with her and she's very eager to come, and the plan is she will have 2 days and 2 evenings completely free to do as she pleases, plus TOIL of 6 days. We will of course pay for all hotels/flights/meals out and she's welcome to join in with us on her days off if she wishes. She also gets her own room whilst we have a 2 bed family room.

The difference between economy and club is about 2.5k per ticket, which whilst we are not poor is still a fair chunk of money.

So AIBU to fly business whilst she flies economy? And will DS need his own seat or will he need to go on one of our laps?

OP posts:
Hissy · 18/01/2016 17:45

Definitely get 3 seats so there is space to alternate and spend time helping the nanny.

7 hours is a long time and The little one may want to sleep. I've flown with a 20m old from Cairo to NYC and he had a ball the whole time.

There was space for him to lie out as the plane wasn't full, but when it's your nanny and there are 2 kids, it makes sense to buy the extra seat so she isn't just squished and put upon for the whole flight. The toddler will love getting their own seat, having a meal etc etc if they are anything like my ds.

I was fully prepared to get bristly and cross, but sounds like you're making the Decisons with the best intentions - your dc seeing you stressed about flying would do more harm than good.

PollyPerky · 18/01/2016 17:48

The DD has no idea what she's saying when she says she wants to go to America.

Precisely. The child is six.

Children say all kinds of things at that age but parents don't have to go along with them all.

OP I think you need to spend more time with your children yourself and learn to understand how young children's minds work.

Floisme · 18/01/2016 17:55

We went for a week rookiemere Definitely no nanny!

Five was probably a good age to go as he was just so excited by some of the sights. We even went to the Rainbow Room and had 'cocktails' Grin

He's nearly grown up now and it's still one of my most treasured family holidays.

Strokethefurrywall · 18/01/2016 18:00

I disagree that a toddler wouldn't enjoy NYC - we went up with DS1 when he was 19 months and he had a blast. Loved FAO Schwartz, spent loads of time in Central Park and Manhattan is chocked full of playgrounds and we visited pretty much every one of them.
Stayed at an apartment in the Village and walked all over. One of our best holidays yet and we'll be going again later this year with DS1 who is now 4 and DS2 who'll be 2 1/2.

BYOSnowman · 18/01/2016 18:02

We took ds to ny when he was 20m and we had a great time going to museums (fire brigade museum was the big hit), the zoo, up the Empire State, walking by the river, going to china town etc

There's loads to do with kids!

Floisme · 18/01/2016 18:05

Bronx zoo is amazing - I don't know anywhere like it in the UK.

PollyPerky · 18/01/2016 18:06

Some of you are making me laugh.

Our DCs had fantastic times in the UK with holidays doing all the things mentioned here. Would I have gone on a 7 hr flight when they could do all these things and more in the UK? No way. We had great times in Yorkshire, London, the SW and more. Sea, sand, museums, parks, walks, gathering mushrooms in the wild....

You really don't need to go transatlantic with children to enable them to have fun.

rookiemere · 18/01/2016 18:06

Ok maybe I better rephrase myself then Floisme.

NY is a great family destination with loads of stuff for DCs to see and do Grin. However the long flight and short holiday duration, coupled with adult aspects of it - i.e. Romantic meals out, 2 days without DCs as with nanny, make it an unusual choice for a family where the DF has been away for a long period of time. I would have thought in this scenario the priority has to be family bonding time and this trip seems badly suited for that from a family perspective.

Maybe life has to be lived differently when parents are away from home for a long period of time, I'm not in that scenario so maybe I'm being unduly harsh.

BYOSnowman · 18/01/2016 18:09

I would agree rookie in that this seems to be an adult holiday that the kids have been tagged onto later

Floisme · 18/01/2016 18:13

No of course you don't need to go transatlantic - where has anyone said that?

I'm not commenting either on the op's family scenario . I'm just suggesting that New York can be just as unique and magical to children as to adults.

Narp · 18/01/2016 18:14

Totally agree rookie

Ilovefluffysheep · 18/01/2016 18:24

In general I don't think this is a particular issue.

However, there are a few things specific to this op that makes me think it could be a hellish trip for the nanny.

Firstly, you say your DD hasn't flown before. She might be an anxious flier like you. Or she might just totally hate it and start screaming. How would you react sat in your business class seat if you could hear your own child screaming?

Either child might get travel sick and be throwing up? Again, be hard for Nanny to manage on her own. 16 month old also might not cope well with going up/coming down due to ear pressure, so again, might be distressed.

I think it would be a lot easier and fairer if you had the youngest child with you in business, then your DD in economy with the nanny. That way if any of the above does happen, then nanny can solely concentrate on your DD and help calm her down, or if she is being ill etc. Plus toilet trips, eating etc will all be a lot easier.

Once you have done some flights with your children and actually established that they like flying, have no issues, I don't think it would be unreasonable for them both to sit with the nanny. However, at the moment you don't know how either will react. Worst case scenario she could have two screaming children, with the older one screaming for her parents as she will know you are somewhere else on the plane, and thats not going to be pleasant for anyone, but especially your children.

Original poster
BooAvenue · 18/01/2016 18:46

As expected, I've been absolutely lambasted! Thanks for the advice though, it is food for thought at least.

To the poster who said anywhere in America would be good for DD, I think perhaps you are right, I think maybe we are trying to do too much 'in one' by combining the NY trip DH and I wanted and DD wanting to see America.

OP posts:
BYOSnowman · 18/01/2016 18:57

There's loads to do in New York with kids - focus on that during the day and have the nice dinners out when nanny is working.

Janeymoo50 · 18/01/2016 18:57

Boo, don't feel bad, your nanny sounds great with your kids and why shouldn't you have a treat up front. Just make sure she is ok without too much disturbance to other passengers. You can't win on MN, I bet if you posted a thread that was about going without them, posters would urge you to take nanny and put her in economy. Enjoy your trip.

MissBattleaxe · 18/01/2016 18:59

I bet if you posted a thread that was about going without them, posters would urge you to take nanny and put her in economy

I doubt it.

Tiisha · 18/01/2016 19:28

Try a short flight to say, Jersey with DD before going transatlantic. She may be an inquisitive 6 year old who makes her interests well known but for me, NYC would be wasted on a 6 year old and a baby. As another poster wrote, there are places nearer to home that would make for more enjoyable holidays all round.

GingerMerkin · 18/01/2016 19:33

Lucky you OP. I would say go for it and lucky nanny too getting a jolly abroad.

Haven't read the entire thread so if this has been suggested ignore. Let your nanny and DC get on the aircraft first, this will save upset if they have to pass you and DH already in your seats in business class and the children get upset. Crew will not thank you if trying to seat passengers for a prompt take off and there are histrionics in business as little DD clings to mummy and refuses to go to her own seat.

Lightbulbon · 18/01/2016 19:39

This thread is giving me the dread!

We are taking a 13/14 month old on a flight to the US and not getting him his own seat.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2016 19:44

when you say autumn do you means sept 1/4th or middle/end of october or else you will be taking dd out of school? have you permission for that?

Fluffy24 · 18/01/2016 19:48

blonde I think OP said earlier the holidays were different to most schools, presumably a private one, theirs are often different. It's been a long thread though!

HermioneWeasley · 18/01/2016 19:50

lightbulb buy him a seat if you can possibly afford it.

I reckon the naysayers are just jealous. Who enjoys long haul flights in economy with kids?

I did NYC with kids - loved it and they still talk about it.

my2bundles · 18/01/2016 20:07

This is a first fllight for both your children, 7 hours for a first fight is a lot to expect if anyone alone young children. My 8 year old gets bored on 3 hour flights and even at his age needs some entertainment from me, that would be difficult with a toddler to care for aswell. Expecting one person to deal with two children on their fist flight, and a long one at that is taking advantage, if a parent choose to take that task on themselves fair enough but you should not place that responsibility on someone else. I'm speaking as an ex nanny and a mother.

Lindt70Percent · 18/01/2016 20:10

YANBU.

This is exactly what my friend does. Her nanny says she's really happy with the arrangement because it's meant she's been to Portugal, Florida, Singapore, Sri Lanka etc. with them which she's thoroughly enjoyed.

whois · 18/01/2016 21:04

You really don't need to go transatlantic with children to enable them to have fun.

So? There are lots of things in life you don't need to do but are in fact nice to so.

From 4 months old I went on transatlantic holidays with my parents. I actually have pretty good memories of holidays probably from about age 5 and flashes of memories from 3 and 4. The plane doesn't have to be a nightmare either. A 6 year old is old enough to sit still and watch TV/draw/read/sleep.