Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make nanny and DC travel economy?

724 replies

BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:10

We are planning a trip to NY in the autumn and plan to take nanny, DD who will be 6 and DS who will be 16 months.

DH and I will be flying business, partially because I am a crap flyer despite flying frequently and partly because we have quite a lot of air miles that we want to make the most of.

The plan is to bring nanny on the 5 day trip so she can help out with the travelling and babysit for us on three of the nights. I've discussed it with her and she's very eager to come, and the plan is she will have 2 days and 2 evenings completely free to do as she pleases, plus TOIL of 6 days. We will of course pay for all hotels/flights/meals out and she's welcome to join in with us on her days off if she wishes. She also gets her own room whilst we have a 2 bed family room.

The difference between economy and club is about 2.5k per ticket, which whilst we are not poor is still a fair chunk of money.

So AIBU to fly business whilst she flies economy? And will DS need his own seat or will he need to go on one of our laps?

OP posts:
Funandgamesandfun · 18/01/2016 09:14

I so don't see the problem if baby has a seat. Nanny is being well compensated, she's at work and looks after them when mum is at work. I don't think that a jetlagged baby at 16 months in NYC is all that much fun but regardless, it's fine. Night out in NYC without kids, yes yes and a million times yes. Mine are at the age where they wouldn't be happy being left and missing out on the fun but if they were younger I would 100% have a sitter and go out. Caveat, we have friends in NYC who have nannies and babysitters who I would happily use. However, at 13 my kids have a list of cool NYC places as long as their arm they want to hang out.

redjoker · 18/01/2016 09:21

Also and more helpfully- I've been an Au Pair before for a couple in Italy and personally would feel secretly a little put out about your having a wonderful time in 1st class- especially on such a long flight

MercedesDR · 18/01/2016 09:26

I think you are being considerate to the other passenger who have paid a lot for their tickets.

Let the poor sods who fly on the cheap put up with your kids.

SoupDragon · 18/01/2016 09:26

A 16month old on a longish flight is the stuff of nightmares. It really is. op you cannot leave the 16m old with the nanny and the 6 year old.

I agree. I've flown with mine at that age single handedly and it is utterly shit. Truly horrendous.

Ignoring the fact that it is horrendous and shouldn't be considered anyway, any suggestion of doing this without a seat for the 16 month old is utterly ridiculous.

ButtonMoon88 · 18/01/2016 09:47

Surely if you were that scared about flying being in business class would not make it any better? Why don't you use that money and buy yourself some hypnotherapy sessions or strong drugs.

Alternatively just come out with the truth. You have hired help so rather she dealt with your children because you can't be arsed!

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 18/01/2016 09:53

I'm with Imperial.

However, why not let DH fly with the children and you stay in business if it's about your anxiety? After all, it's only 10 hours or so and if your children aren't going to miss you then I doubt you'll miss your DH. Also, this way you save money.

CozyLinusBlanket · 18/01/2016 09:57

The Op has said they will all juggle looking after the toddler during the flight, and the nanny and dd are both happy with the plan, nanny will get time off and get to go on day trips with the family. I can't really understand why there have been 10 pages of debate on this. It's a free holiday for her to a pretty expensive city. I would have loved a trip to New York when I was au-pairing! If possible I'd book three seats together in economy though, for a little more room. Some toddlers can get quite assertive about wanting their own seat. It also means you can comfortably sit and chat to your dd during the flight.

CozyLinusBlanket · 18/01/2016 09:59

How could she cancel the trip for the nanny now? It would disappoint her. Those of you who think you would be doing the nanny a favour by leaving her home are quite probably mistaken! I'm sure some of you have jetset lifestyles but most of us don't get to fly off to New York anytime we like, and it would be a massive treat. She can't take it away.

Stormtreader · 18/01/2016 10:03

Youre not asking the nanny to do anything that single parents have been doing since there were planes. Your nanny hasnt been pressured into going on a paid holiday im guessing, so everyones happy except some of the moaners on here! Go for it, and have a great holiday :)

lostinmiddlemarch · 18/01/2016 10:07

Why on earth do you watch crash shows if you're scared of flying? Especially if it means you're less able to look after your children?

Just because you can pay someone else to look after your kids doesn't mean it's always justifiable on a moral level. What's best for them should be the priority.

It sounds like you're better leaving the kids at home with the nanny.

Backingvocals · 18/01/2016 10:09

A 16month old on a longish flight is the stuff of nightmares. It really is. op you cannot leave the 16m old with the nanny and the 6 year old.

I agree. I've flown with mine at that age single handedly and it is utterly shit. Truly horrendous

How do you think the huge number of single parents get around? This is perfectly normal for us if we have to fly somewhere - and a nanny would not think twice about it. I would get the16mo a seat as that would be totally grim - a 16mo on my lap for that long would be awful. I did it for 4 hours with a baby on my lap and a vomiting toddler and that nearly killed me. But a normal flight with a seat for everyone - actually very standard. Not the most enjoyable 7 hours ever, that's for sure. But manageable.

ButtonMoon88 · 18/01/2016 10:11

I think there has been 10 pages of discussion because it doesn't quite ring true. The Ops reasons for sitting separately don't stack up, surely if you are a nervous flyer you want to be with your children not apart? Why would you watch plane crash clips? And how do you expect to be able to walk around the plane between carriages (is that the right term) if you are so scared?

I don't believe OPs anxieties are as bad as she is making out, and she just wants the nanny to take over childcare for the flight. Which would be fine (as she is being paid and agreed to do it) but creating flimsy excuses makes this look like a fake post!

Backingvocals · 18/01/2016 10:11

Just to add, I confess that last time I had the baby on my lap (he was a big one and about 10 months at the time) was the last time I contemplated flying with my two in those circumstances. I admit I wouldn't have done it again on my own with a big baby on my lap again for a long amount of time. It was miserable. But with everyone in a seat - fine.

I just didn't want my last post to sound too 4 Yorkshiremen. I do have a tipping point and that was mine Grin

Marynary · 18/01/2016 10:12

I think it is fair enough for the nanny to be in economy class but not with the children. It is not only unfair on the nanny but also on the other people in the economy class as no doubt the children will be a lot noisier on the flight with only one adult to control them. The fact that anyone thinks it reasonable speaks volumes about their attitude to those less well off than them. It also doesn't say much for how they treat their children.
I'm also failing to see how the supposed time off compensated for the horrendous flight. What is great about a night off in New York if you are by yourself? If she decides not to be by herself but to be with the family, no doubt she will end up looking after the children given OP's attitude to spending time with them. Maybe the nanny thinks it is great but that is probably because she is young and naive and doesn't know what the "holiday" will probably be like.

Backingvocals · 18/01/2016 10:13

Agree button. It's just so lovely to be in business by yourself, watching films and drifting off. And it's just always hideous to be in economy with children. I can completely understand why the OP wants to outsource that task.

harboromummy · 18/01/2016 10:15

I just don't think I could miss out on the excitement of my 6yo on her first flight. I am a terrible flyer, but flew to New York without dc (before dc) and that was bad, let alone two children to look after! It was so cramped and urgh.

Marynary · 18/01/2016 10:19

And it's just always hideous to be in economy with children. I can completely understand why the OP wants to outsource that task.

The only thing "hideous" about with economy IMO is the fact that you sometimes have to sit with other people's screaming children. That will only be worse if there is only one adult there. Why should everyone else suffer more because OP doesn't want to look after her own children?

SoupDragon · 18/01/2016 10:21

How do you think the huge number of single parents get around?

Given that I am a single parent, the same way I do I imagine.

The difference being that they are my children and thus their parents aren't swanning about in first/business.

ButtonMoon88 · 18/01/2016 10:21

For the record I think it's shitty what she is doing but I think she should be truthful rather trying kid herself (and us ) that she wants to sit separately because of her anxieties.

SoupDragon · 18/01/2016 10:23

The other difference being that, for a single parent, there is no other option of course. Other than not going.

JackandDiane · 18/01/2016 10:23

OP
all i will say is that this year is the first year we all WONT be on holiday together. Son is going with his girlfriend somewhere and the other one is playing sport abroad

DO NOT WASTE THESE PRECIOUS YEARS with over focus on me/us time

Anotherusername1 · 18/01/2016 10:25

OP, you've not responded to my suggestion of premium economy? It's quite nice on Virgin but I guess it depends who you have your frequent flyer points with.

HawkEyeTheNoo · 18/01/2016 10:26

OP you are very lucky that you have enough money to do this. If I could afford it I would be business class too! All I will say is, if it were me, I'd def book a seat for the toddler, I think having the toddler on her lap for 8 hours would be a nightmare. And think about the logistics of nanny going to the loo etc. Hope you have a great holiday

FankEweVeryMuch · 18/01/2016 10:28

Wha I would do (if I had a nanny and plenty of money) is have my six year old with me and leave the baby with the nanny in economy.

MissBattleaxe · 18/01/2016 10:31

I can't believe the DH has been away for 3 months and doesn't want to sit with or eat out with his kids after being away for so long, and is going on a non kids holiday with childcare in tow.

After three months my DH wouldn't want to be away from them at all. Mothers get slated for not wanting to be with their kids but this mas hasn't seen them for 3 months.