DH asking me to leave the house

[Hartofpixie]

My normally lovely DH has two work colleagues - he's worked with them for many years. One (Belinda) is happily married and we occasionally see her and her DH socially. The second (Claudia) is very single, and has always had a bit of a thing for my DH (she told him once, and he very politely let her down gently).

Claudia sometimes invites the wider working team round in the evening. I have never been invited. DH feels he needs to reciprocate, and has told me he is going to invite them both round for an evening meal. All fine, apart from he just told me I have to go out that evening? It's -4? On a Monday?

So AIBU or is that extremely weird and rude?

[cdtaylornats]

Has he signed up for Come Dine with Me ?

[SuperFlyHigh]

I'd be worrying as well in case Claudia (the infatuated one) strays anywhere else in the house and maybe even pilfers anything. She probably sees this as a way to gain more info on your DH and you. paranoid yes!

[Thymeout]

It's a work dinner not a social dinner so no point in inviting partners. No, I wouldn't go out specially, but I'd leave them to it to talk about work stuff, just as my dp would make himself scarce if I had people involved in, say, a shared interest/hobby that he wasn't part of.

Nothing more irritating than going to coffee with a group of friends and finding the retired husband holding court, immovably fixed to his chair. We can't talk about the usual stuff because everything has to be explained to him.

The whole 'Claudia once told him she fancied him' is an irrelevance. Water under the bridge. They are both presumably pretending it never happened in order to work together.

[Nabootique]

Has he signed up for Come Dine with Me ?

[goddessofsmallthings]

Tell him you've got no intention of leaving your home and, while you expect to share the meal that he'll be preparing and cooking all by himself, you'll make yourself scarce afterwards so that he can talk shop with his colleagues.

And then bug the dining and living rooms and come back here to give an account of what they're chatting about.

The cheek of it! Would he leave his home while you entertain a couple of male colleagues, one of whom has made no bones about wanting to get into your knickers?

[AnnPerkins]

uglyswan

[yorkshapudding]

My first instinct was "over my dead body would this be happening" but on reflection the whole thing is just so suspicious. I'd play along and tell DH I'd made plans to go out only to have my plans fall through at the last minute. Then wait and see whether Belinda does show up or whether it's just Claudia on her own.

[JohnLuther]

Why are so many posters insisting on playing games, just speak to him.

[whattodowiththepoo]

I have had meetings at my house and DP has gone out when they happen.

[Fuckthetaps2]

Bugging dining rooms and setting up security cameras because a dh asked his dw to do something she asks him to do? What the fuck is happening to mumsnet

[bakeoffcake]

Wait a minute........

OP says she sometimes asks her H to leave the house when her girlfriends come round for wine!

Maybe the H is just copying what his wife does? So I think posters are over reacting somewhat.

OP I would just say "No, I don't want to go out" and see his reaction. Hopefully he'll just say "ok, fine".

No issues, no agenda.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

I suppose if dh invite two blokes round for dinner id probably tuck myself away (id say hello etc and then be like "righty o I will let you three get on"), so maybe its that it is two women that makes it odd

[Ohfourfoxache]

@ Ugly

[AgathaF]

I wouldn't go out. Fuck that. I'd make damn sure he knew I was unhappy with the suggestion and why.

I think it's pretty off for him to be popping round to hers for meals without you too, given that she's made her feelings towards him clear.

Is he usually such a sap?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Wait... Are people being serious with their suspicious attitudes?!

[Gruntfuttock]

bakeoffcake I completely agree. I think the OP's husband would be aghast that she has put a thread on MN about this as I'm sure it's a non-issue for him. He no doubt suggested she might want to go out/do something more interesting instead of her thinking she was expected to co-host with him. However if she doesn't want to go out that's fine too. Unfortunately in so many cases on MN people overreact whenever a man says or does something, when it wouldn't be of much consequence if said or done by a woman. The general suspicion of men's motives and morals is depressing.

[ultimus]

Is it just me who wouldn't even allow Claudia across the threshold? She's no friend to the marriage. Why would she be welcome in my house?

[Eliza22]

No. Absolutely not. Cheeky git.

End of.

[GruntledOne]

I don't think this is necessarily at all suspicious, I think he's probably just being a bit thick. It may be that if the last one was at Claudia's, there would have been no partners present, so he thinks that should be the norm; plus he's conscious that they will be talking shop the whole time which will exclude you.

[SuperFlyHigh]

bakeoff I didn't see that re she sometimes asks DH to leave the house when Her girlfriends come over for wine.... Makes more sense now, he probably sees it as fine.

I personally think you're both being silly banning each other from rooms etc when others come round.

[Sparkletastic]

Suggest to DH that he invite Belinda's husband too, as you'll be joining for the meal. This will reinforce Claudia's need to get her own bluddy boyfriend the cahhhhh.

[AgathaF]

It's not about suspicion though. It's about her husband being thoughtless and rude, and also having slightly off boundaries where a woman who has already expressed an interest in him is concerned. I'm sure he's not about to flop his friendly python out for her to admire, but at the same time, it is rude of him to dismiss his wife from the house so that he can entertain two women he works with.

[SuperFlyHigh]

ultimus not sure I'd go that far but I wouldn't trust her.... What sane or cheeky arse person tells someone who's married that they have a thing for them?!! I keep that to myself or would expect same too.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Agatha 'friendly python'

[Piffpaffpoff]

DH used to be in a group at his work, him and 3 women. They would go and play badminton or tennis after work once a month then back to someone's for dinner. Partners didn't take part in the sport or go to other houses but if course they stayed in and were involved in dinners at their own house. If DH had suggested I leave for the night he would have got short shrift!