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AIBU?

DH asking me to leave the house

200 replies

Hartofpixie · 15/01/2016 14:03

My normally lovely DH has two work colleagues - he's worked with them for many years. One (Belinda) is happily married and we occasionally see her and her DH socially. The second (Claudia) is very single, and has always had a bit of a thing for my DH (she told him once, and he very politely let her down gently).

Claudia sometimes invites the wider working team round in the evening. I have never been invited. DH feels he needs to reciprocate, and has told me he is going to invite them both round for an evening meal. All fine, apart from he just told me I have to go out that evening? It's -4? On a Monday?

So AIBU or is that extremely weird and rude?

OP posts:

Report

Sansoora · 15/01/2016 14:27

And neither should have to when your pals are round.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 15/01/2016 14:27

Also I'd be weary of Belinda, not Claudia!!! It's always the quiet ones........

AnnPerkins · 15/01/2016 14:29

Did you ask him why you have to go out?

AnnPerkins · 15/01/2016 14:29

Ah, just saw your latest post.

Hartofpixie · 15/01/2016 14:30

Maybe he does work for the CIA? Or they are planning another jewellery heist? Or he is trying to seduce Belinda and Claudia is a smokescreen.

AAAh.

OP posts:

Fifi10 · 15/01/2016 14:32

What kind of colleague tells a married colleague they have a thing for them, then continues to have cosy dinners together?

It may just be me but I wouldn't be happy with any of this, how can you be sure that Belinda is always there when they have meals at Claudia's house?

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2016 14:33

There's a world of difference between saying, "Oh my friends are coming round on Friday, if you fancy going to the pub" - if he likes going to the pub on his own he'd probably jump at the chance, and saying, "Oh my friends are coming round on Friday so I want you to go out."

MeridianB · 15/01/2016 14:33

What does Belinda's husband do when she hosts?

It is odd. But then if I was him and I knew one of the two women had a thing for me, the last thing I would want to do is have her in my home. It may just encourage her.

I get that it's about hospitality and so is done in homes rather than having dinner in a pub but in this case it feels a bit ill-judged.

wafflerinchief · 15/01/2016 14:34

i also think the back story should matter to him - if he'd not had to let Claudia down, it might not be a thing but since she's made it clear she'd quite happily fancy a bit if he were interested, that crossed a line and inviting her to your home when you're out, even if there are other 3rd parties is not sending a clear signal.

MeridianB · 15/01/2016 14:35

What kind of colleague tells a married colleague they have a thing for them, then continues to have cosy dinners together?

^ This.... it's worrying.

AskingForAPal · 15/01/2016 14:36

Sounds like he meant to say "would you like to go out that evening as it might be boring for you with us all chatting about work?" Or at least, let's hope that's what he meant. Totally fine for you to say "no, cheers" if you don't fancy it though.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/01/2016 14:37

I'd also be very fucked off that a woman who readily admitted to fancying my dh was being welcomed into my house, regardless of how gently he'd 'let her down'.

Titsalinabumsquash · 15/01/2016 14:37

I'd tell DP to get to fuck if he said that to me, but then I'm not very polite when he's being a nob.

You'd think if he was inviting colleagues into his home you'd just be naturally expected to be there, entertaining along side him no?

teeththief · 15/01/2016 14:37

knobblyknee what exactly is on your Auntie's headstone?

YADNBU op. If he wants to entertain at home then he can enterain you and the husbands too

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2016 14:37

I'd be tempted to either:

a) go round to Belinda's house with a bottle of wine and keep her husband company

or

b) sit outside the house with a flask as the women arrive and say that your husband won't let you in

wafflerinchief · 15/01/2016 14:38

oh i don't think that's unprecedented - similar thing has happened to DH at work and he still has work socials with the person involved - it would create an awkward atmosphere at work with others which would have to be explained and fuel gossip. But I agree asking your DW to go out to do so at home is bizarre. I suspect your DH thinks it's so far in the past/not going to happen that he just hasn't thought why you'd be unhappy about this.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 15/01/2016 14:38

Over my rotting corpse would this happen.

Gruntfuttock · 15/01/2016 14:39

"If you go to a colleague's house, then surely you expect the people who live in that house to be there!"

Not necessarily. I remember being invited to a colleagues house -with others - and his wife had prepared a lovely meal for us and gone out. I don't think it's a particularly odd thing to do.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2016 14:39

If a colleague of mine told me he had a thing for me, and I had let him down, out of respect for my husband and his feelings, I wouldn't have him over to my house for a cozy dinner and tell my husband to get out of our house.

MissyMaker · 15/01/2016 14:39

YANBU! If you socialise with Belinda and her DH, I bet that she would find it really odd if you weren't there either.

What are you going to do/say to your DH OP?

Wineandrosesagain · 15/01/2016 14:40

My DH meets up for dinner with a couple of his (female) ex-colleagues every couple of months. Usually at a pub, but sometimes at one of their houses. Their partners (and the odd child) joins them for the meal, then clears off to another room to watch tv or something. Exactly the same at our house; I eat with them then leave them to their chat. Or if they appear to be enjoying my company I may hang around for another glass of wine. It's all very relaxed. How odd that your DH thinks you should go out

Wagglebees · 15/01/2016 14:41

Your husband has invited a woman who fancies him, over for dinner and told you, you have to go out whilst she's there.

Ignoring the second woman for a moment, that is what is happening. Wtf? No!

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whois · 15/01/2016 14:41

Not cool.

Since you see Belinder and her DH socially you should totally be there when the come round. Or at least there to say 'hi' have a cup of tea/glass of wine with them then excuse yourself upstairs to do something else.

pilates · 15/01/2016 14:41

YANBU
I would be very pissed off.
Cant believe he has the cheek to even ask you .

AnonymousBird · 15/01/2016 14:41

It's a threesome, even if he doesn't know it yet (but I bet he does!) and it's odd behaviour.

When you say she invites "the wider team", do you mean she invites DH and Belinda?

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