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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am a bad mum or just an ill mum

31 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:17

DH is away and I am having a fibromylagia flare up after having salmonella.
My house is a tip after Ds had dystroyed it bit by bit and I do not have the strength to pick up after him. I having dragged myself into work the last two days and am now in agony and so tired. I feel like I am being stabbed in my wrists and ankles.
Please asure me that Ds will survive in a untidy house for two more days with toys all over and an unswept kitchen floor and he will not have long term effects of having biscuits for breakfast because I do not have the strength to argue and nearly wall to wall telly and I pad.

OP posts:
TheOldestCat · 15/01/2016 07:24

You are ill. DS will survive in mess and on biscuits for a bit; please don't worry. Have you got help today? Can you call in sick?

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:24

I can't even type the title right it's meant to say please tell me I am not a bad mum just an ill mum

OP posts:
TheOldestCat · 15/01/2016 07:25

You are not a bad mum! Just ill. Hope you feel better soon - just do why you have to to get through. DS will be fine - it's you I am concerned about!

Fuzzyduck21 · 15/01/2016 07:25

Yanbu. Can you call in sick for a few days?

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:25

I am off today as only work three days a week. My mum and dad are coming round later so I can have a shower and a bit of a nap. Though I know my mum will comment on the state of the house so it's a double edged sword if you know what I mean

OP posts:
londonrach · 15/01/2016 07:27

He survive. Who cares about the mess, you ill. Have you any help in rl. Any friends who could pop over and help make some food for you. Do you have food in? Hopefully you feeling better soon. Xx

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:27

I dragged myself into work as I am on probation so at least I have got through that. DH is away with work but has offered to return early if needed and I know he won't bat an eyelid about the house, he knows how ill I get.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:28

I have lots of those nice Covent Garden microwave soups so I am ok good wise

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/01/2016 07:29

... Say to mom " yes I know ... Thanks for offering to help ... I'm really not well and DS could do with a decent meal". Job done.

Think how you'd react to anyone else in that situation.

MLGs · 15/01/2016 07:29

You are not a bad mum! You are doing well in the circumstances. You are providing for him by going to work.

If you could call in sick and not lose out I would, as you are clealy not well.

Messy house will do him no harm at all. Even dirty floors in short term fine. Wall to wall trlly and I pad - needs must and in short term while dh is away will do no harm. Can you dress it up as a "treat" for him, so he thinks he's getting something extra and so it doesn't become expected?

Only thing I would try to avoid is the biscuits for breakfast, although that doesn't make you a bad mum either. I would just be plonking the toast/ cereal or whatever he usually has on the table.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 15/01/2016 07:29

You're ill and the mess can't be helped.
Is your ds old enough to help you out? Bribe him if he is.

MLGs · 15/01/2016 07:30

X post about the work!

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:30

Sorry meant to say food wise.
Ds is currently eating biscuits and juice (usually wheat a bix and water at this time) and watching peppa. Thank god for that annoying pink pig.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:32

He is two, nearly three. I have said it is a treat day for being a good boy. He was whining for biscuits, does not normally it's as if he has a sixth sense that mummy will soon give in today

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Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:32

Promise I will make him some nice healthy sandwiches for lunch. Mornings are the worst

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Euripidesralph · 15/01/2016 07:35

You are not a bad mum ..... He will be fine .... It really doesn't hurt them for a while and frankly he will probably love it and see it as a holiday (my three year old did while I was heavily pregnant and extremely ill with several issues ) give yourself a break from the guilt and make it through

Although I'm tempted to suggest you reconsider the parent visit if your mum's comments will make you feel crap ..... be kind to yourself you need it at the moment

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:40

I may well. I get on with my mum but she is a 50s housewife type and can't understand why a women would want to work once she has kids. Hmm god forbid a woman may have a life outside the house
My and DH have been away for a couple of nights three times since Ds was born and she says she cannot understand why anyone would want to go away without their kids (inlaws had Ds).
When you look at her upbringing though you understand why

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 15/01/2016 07:40

Defo not a bad mum, in fact a fab mum for feeling so awful yet still dragging yourself out of bed to look after ds.

Try to prepare yourself for your mum's comment (although it's really unfair) and make sure you let her help and don't feel guilty.

And I can definitely confirm that breakfast biscuits, iPad, telly and toys still out is absolutely fine for ds. He's probably having the best day ever!

DurhamDurham · 15/01/2016 07:40

Is there any chance that when your parents arrive they will pitch in and clean up for you while you have your shower and nap?

If I was your mum that's what I would do, I'd clean the kitchen and have a tidy up, I'd then take your little boy out for something nice to eat.

I hope they will be supportive, if they make you feel bad about the situation without offering any practical solutions then the visit might be counter productive.

Hope you feel better soon Thanks

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:41

Ds has just pushed his biscuits away and asked for shreddies. I feel I bit better now

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:42

They won't pitch in they will just watch Ds

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Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/01/2016 07:42

With the bare minimum of interaction. Think I am going to do without their visit. Hopefully Ds will have a nap and I can shower then

OP posts:
Squirrelsmum · 15/01/2016 07:53

Ugh I get it, I have fibro and ME and some days it's hard enough to drag your sorry arse out of bed let alone care for anyone else.
Tip for breakfast. I soak rolled oats in milk with a shake of cinnamon in the fridge over night, takes two minutes in the microwave to cook porridge in the morning.
As for the rest of it. If your parents don't like the mess tell them to clean it while you're sleeping. Hope you're over your flare soon.

Titsalinabumsquash · 15/01/2016 08:05

I get it! I have EDS and HMS some days I wake up in the morning and just cry at the thought of facing the day ahead. I named the mistake in taking DD swimming Monday p, she's only 8 months old and it's just a case of ferrying her around the pool for 29 minutes. I'm still paying for it now! I'm torn between X ragging myself around the house to do some sort of tidying (my kitchen is a health hazard) and waiting until tomorrow when DP will be home and able to help.
It doesn't help that my dishwasher is broken and I have 4 children to look after.

PenelopeChipShop · 15/01/2016 08:07

Don't worry and do what you have to to get through. It's so hard being ill with kids at home and no help. He is NOT going to care about the mess!

If it helps we're in the same boat today, am 7 months pregnant and feeling ill, it's my first day off work today and am planning on hibernating at home with my 3yo and lots of help from ceebeebies.