To ask my dh to mind the baby while I make a bottle during the night?!?!

[Fuzzyduck21]

Ds is 4 months and wakes crying twice a night for a bottle. He's in a cot next to us. Whole bottle making process takes up to 5 mins if I also wee. Aibu to ask dh to try and comfort him while I make the bottle?! He seems to think so as he gets up for work at 5am. I've just taken ds downstairs to lie under a play gym while I make the bottle as dh has been making such a fuss recently but ds gets very upset and I thought it's kinder to ds to at least try and be comforted... Wonder whether your dh does the same?!

Sushi, two things - a) my DS can go from 0-screaming in 5 seconds flat, and I'm sure many other babies are the same - lucky you if yours didn't! b) boiled, cooled water won't kill the bacteria in the formula powder, so doing it your way risks serious illness in your baby.

You need to use water above 70 degrees C to kill the bugs in the formula, it's not just to ensure the water is sterile. I'm sure you'll now say that your babies were fine doing it your way, but that's because hey we're lucky, not because your method was safe. It's very irresponsible to advise anyone to do it that way.

Yanbu, but I think finding someway of having the bottle prepared and ready to feed needs to be the solution, as getting baby up in the night is not a great habit to start.

We were both awake for all feeds and breastfed. DH would pass me DD from her crib, I would feed her while he drowsed, then he would put her back in, all back to sleep in 5 mins.

Not sure why people think any paid job requires a full nights sleep whereas sole charge of a small baby does not. Believe me I've done both and know which is more tiring. Totally outdated and bizarre opinion that the paid work is somehow more important to be well rested for. And no, napping while baby naps is not a realistic solution for many!

• they were lucky

I tried getting dp to soothe dd while I made the bottle, but he kept falling asleep holding her and I worried that she would fall out of the bed. So I used to jig her around in the kitchen while I made the bottle. It really wasn't difficult and to be fair dp was working a physically demanding job with long hours, he couldn't catch up on sleep in the daytime, I could. It's not being a martyr, it's about working out who is in the best position to lose sleep and in that situation, it was me. If I had bad nights with her he would take over for a night when he could. It's not supposed to be a battle, you are supposed to work together.

I cannot understand why it would take two people to feed one baby at night.

Decide whose turn it is, use the suggestions on here to make it extremely quick so little howling, and then the other person can get some sleep.

I don't get the 'well that's just what happens when you have a baby' school of thinking about sleep. Sleep deprivation is associated with accidents and makes depression/PND worse. The more sleep, the better most people can function- doesn't matter whether a SAHP or in work-place. So, it's sensible for everyone to get as much as possible within the limits of having a tiny baby to feed.

First time around, bf, but all shared a bed, husband continually woken for changes/other reasons, everyone utterly exhausted, husband's work started to suffer after 6 months. Everyone ill and tired, marriage began to suffer as all so snappy. Second baby, bf, he slept on sofa in week, didn't get up for changes, had decent sleep, was able to work properly, me and baby slept better in one bed together- on weekends, he did dream feed late and took younger child out all day one day so I could nap/get rests.

Once I got to 6 months, I was back at work and crashed the car through exhaustion, at which point I did sleep training! I simply couldn't survive in my job (which requires travel and writing/creative thinking) with that little sleep.

The idea that two people made a baby so two people should become inefficient, exhausted, snap at each other and have more accidents is just daft!

Whether somebody gets out of bed or not, having to sit up for 5 minutes would wake you as fully as just one of you sitting up to do a night feed if you had a ready made carton by the bed...

I really don't understand why you don't get him to do more (complete) night feeds, rather than making them into a two person job. Use one of the solutions people have suggested to make the bottles up in your room, only one parent needs to do it, and maybe get him to do 3 nights a week and you get 3 nights uninterrupted sleep, you do 4 as you are on maternity leave, and you are both getting far more sleep than with a 2 person system.

When your DH does night feeds do you sit up and hold the baby? I assume you do - wouldn't you rather he let you sleep?

I agree - you need (almost) boiling water to be poured on to the formula as the powder isn't sterile.

I think a lot of parents make the formula with the boiling water, then put it straight into the fridge to cool it quickly. Store it that way for no more than 12 hours.

Warm the bottle a little in the microwave (SHAKE IT WELL). Feed to baby :)

Don't forget - you can get ready made cartons of most of the most popular formulas. They are more expensive than the powder, but you can always use one of those just for the night feeds? By the bed, sealed, room temp ...

LOL to the pp whose husband does 12 hour shits! .
Make up several bottles the night before. Keep one beside your bed ready for night feed. It's impossible to placate a baby screaming to be fed. My babies were happy to drink milk at room temperature so try that? Good luck..hope it gets easier for you.

I don't see the point of two people having an interrupted night tbh. Also, with our first I would nap when he did and if I was tired just have an easy day. Dh didn't have that option obviously not so easy with the second!!

Dh used to do the last feed (11pm ish) and I would be asleep by then. I would then do any other night feeds and he would do a feed before going to work so I could lie in a bit. At weekends we would do the same but I would lie in longer! I preferred that to him doing the nights at weekends because we were in above routine.

I used to have the bottle by the bed too so almost ready for when the baby stirred.

And my kids both drank room temp milk. I used the cartons when feeling really lazy.

YABU because there is no point both of you being awake.

However, does he take turns when he gets home from work/weekends?

I did all night feeds during the week because DP had to be up for work. But he would take over after work so I could nap and he did the weekend night feeds

That's why I made bottles, put them in the fridge and microwaved them. Took two minutes to go down and warm one up.

I know that way of preparing bottles isn't recommended anymore. I am glad I had mine when I did :)

KP86 its not a 1950s concept that it only takes one competent adult to feed a baby. It doesn't matter which parent bottle feeds, but it doesn't require two adults to both wake up fully twice a night if there is only one baby needing feeding. Its just making a one person job into a two person job, regardless of whether the people are men, women, or agender

This exactly.

I would be annoyed if my dh woke me up fully to help while he got the bottle sorted when it was his turn to do the feed.

I ended up doing all of the night feeds with dd 5 though. His new bipolar meds knocked him out completely and not getting enough sleep had awful consequences for his health. I stopped him from trying to share the night feeds when he stuck a can of pepsi max in the microwave and then put all our plates on our son's bed because he thought he was meant to be washing up and thought our son's bed was the sink It was just safer for me to do it and he would almost fall back to sleep when feeding her so I had to keep awake with him anyway- the meds seriously knocked him out.

Apart from with dd 5 night feeds were always shared, both parities then got enough sleep to feel ok the next morning.

Yabu, completely unnecessary for two people to wake up to do one job. Also he's waking at 5am while you are on ml. Good suggestions given on how you can manage this yourself.

I used to use cartons during the night. I remember exp looking quite pissed off when I started using them, when I said 'oh brilliant, I won't have to get out of bed now'
He obviously preferred it when I was spending hous each night downstairs when first bf.
Isn't there something called a perfect prep machine that's meant to be good?

As a sahm, my take on it was that dh was the one who earnt the money. He had to be alert enough to do his job to a high standard. It was in both our interests for me to be the one to lose sleep as we couldn't afford for him to under perform at work. Nothing to to with his baby, equality etc - just plain practicality.

YANBU this has been a discussion point in our house, DD, if hungry, wakes up screaming. I tried preparing the bottle in advance but she will not drink it unless its hot, Luke warm is a no and if I give it to her Cold it may as well be poison!

We have the perfect prep, I measured out the powder in advance and either give her a book or a gentle musical toy to play with whilst she waits. She is 11months so this works for us but for younger babies they need something, even some lullabies if not an actual cuddle X

I take it you both agreed on having a baby? So in my opinion he should be helping out.
My DDs dad used to get up and change her while I napped a couple more mins then he'd pass her to me to feed (bf) and he'd go back to sleep. He had to get up at 5:30 for work 6 days a week, but I also had to take care of her all day so there was no problem
The responsibility should 100% be shared

Ready made formula for night feeds - no faffing about with boiled water, cooling etc. Can keep it right next to the bed. Takes seconds.

I've some sympathy for your DH - no point in both of you being up. My DH is sleeping in another room during the week as he is working and in with us during the weekend when he takes his turn and takes the baby out of the bedroom to feed and change her.

I guess it depends if your DH is helpful in other ways, or if this is just a symptom of many which makes you feel that he is not helping. If the former, then you are being a bit unreasonable....if the latter then YANBU.

The jobs can be shared in such a way to maximise sleep for both parties though. Both waking up for all feeds seems sub optimal.

I would just like my husband to offer!

Does anyone else have feel like that!!

I don't want to force him to get up!

People seem to either have a husband in the 'i go to work and get up at 5' camp or ' I work 12 hours and do all the night feeds'

Soooo.....

I just left the baby in the room while making a bottle - we have a PP in a flat so no time at all. He soon realised you can't sleep though that shit. Also can you actually soothe a hangry baby??

You can use ready made milk for night feeds.

Take the PP to be with you.

In the end he said he would make the bottle and bring it to me in bed.

I used the ready made up cartons for night feeds. Could you buy those?

It won't stop him being a selfish arse though.

This is bloody ridiculous! Honestly, I know I'm a single parent so my opinions not really relevant, but unless there's special circumstances (illness / poo explosion etc) surely, surely it doesnt take 2 people to feed a blummin baby in the night?? Yes it took 2 people to make the baby, but if you take that principal then you would never do anything alone! Yes, he absolutely needs to pull his weight - but both of you waking up at 3am to feed one baby is ludicrous! Work smarter not harder - get a carton and put it by the bed. Job done!

Agree doesn't take two to do a night feed. We scrupulously made up a bottle before and would normally take it in turns. If he's up at 5 every morning and then working through the day I'd crack on with that. Never had the screaming though or had to go downstairs just a quick bottle and back to sleep.

I can't help but feel that if he's working and you're on Mat leave then you should do all the night stuff in the week and he at the weekend.

To be fair being at home with a baby all day is IME way harder than being at work all day.

I don't know why people see mat leave as some sort of big fun holiday, it isn't.

Reading this with interest.

I'm currently ff my DD and yep the guidelines have changed. You are now supposed to make a fresh bottle every single time. So boil kettle and wait for it to cool for 30 mins.
We got sick of that very quickly so we have some pre-boiled water in a flask which gets topped up with a bit of fresh boiling water. If you don't have much in the kettle then it boils in about a minute.

I tested the temp of water in flask and it was only about 65 degrees when we needed it so the fresh bit brings the temp up.

We asked our neonatal outreach worker about making bottles in advance and putting in fridge and she said that's what everyone she's to do but there are no longer e-numbers or preservatives in the formula to stop the bacteria multiplying so that's why the advice is make it with water over 70 degrees every time. Or use ready made cartons. Which is tempting but obviously a far more expensive way of doing it.

My DP is currently on paternity leave and is back at work on Monday so at moment we are sharing but come Monday I will do all the night feeds and he will do the 6am one before work and then help out at weekends.

I don't expect him to get no sleep then go to work as I have no problem lying on the sofa having a kip while DD is asleep if I need to