To be upset at how these friends have behaved?

[Kitonian]

I have been friends with 3 other mums from my DD's school for several years. I will call them A, B and C. We have, for the past couple of years met for lunch once a month and also occasionally gone out for meals/drinks in the evening.

A is quite a negative person and seems to see the worst in people and has had a lot of fallings out in the past with others. Two months ago our DDs had a bit of a falling out at school. It only lasted a week, at the most (they are 8) and then they were friends again.

During this time, friend A:

Deleted me from an ongoing Facebook chat that the 4 of us had to keep in touch with each other.

Deleted and blocked me on Facebook.

Sent me a text saying she was not willing to spend anymore time with me or speak to me again due to the girls falling out, and that I was not welcome at our next planned lunch for the following week.

I replied to her and said that it was a shame that she wanted to fall out over the girls having a spat, but said I would be willing for us to meet with the girls if she wanted to try to sort things out between them. She replied again saying that I was deluded and to fuck off and that she was blocking my number on her phone.

I was upset but decided she couldn't have been much of a friend, but wanted to still be friends with B and C. I sent a text to both of them saying that A was upset with me over a falling out our girls had and had told me she would never speak to me again and wasn't welcome at lunch, but that I would like to keep in touch with both of them and perhaps the 3 of us could have lunch at some point to catch up.

Both sent me texts in reply along the vein of they don't want to get involved and that A was very upset etc. Neither of them said that they would like to meet up with me again. It was just kind of accepted as a given that I had been turfed out of the group. I presumed that they wouldn't go to lunch with A either, but no, the lunch the next week that I was uninvited to still went ahead, as they posted on FB about it on the day!

AIBU to not particularly give a shit about A given her behaviour, but to be very disappointed with B and C? I didn't expect them to get involved, just wanted to try to keep in touch with them and to let them know what had happened. If they see me at school they are both nice and polite with me but quite cool, it's clear their loyalties lie with A. I guess I just thought they would see it more objectively and also I thought they liked me and valued me as a friend but they clearly didn't if they are just willing to drop me on another person's say so?

Sorry but comparing shite friends dropping you in favour of someone new and interesting is not comparable to domestic violence. And having a difference of opinion and expressing it isn't "rude".

Yes of course. I have deleted and retyped a few times now - there's just too much to this story to get into on here. Basically yes, I did and I was roundly rebuffed.
Of course I know that my former friend is responsible for her conduct towards me. Wendy didn't make her do or say anything! If she (and others) had been loyal to me at all, it wouldn't have happened.
However, there is no denying that their fickleness made an ideal bed partner for a woman who was competitive and envious, and who at that time had no friends of her own.

P.s For context, at the time my bff was conducting an affair with another member of the group which I had previously refused to provide an alibi for. Her dp, although not really affiliated with the same circle, was still a good friend of mine. I asked to be left well out of it.
Wendy was all too eager to jump in and assume that role. Things pretty much escalated from there.

fascinating reading about this behaviour -agree this type of person does it everywhere. Must be real psychological satisfaction for them as they succeed in these efforts . I bet they are convinced they are smarter and their victims deserve it. I love the reality show Survivors as it reveals this very behaviour in action.

Must be real psychological satisfaction for them as they succeed in these efforts.

Agreed. It's the mentality that they won't consider something to be worth having, unless they have competed against and crushed a 'rival' to earn it.

There was no reason for my Wendy to want me out. I introduced her into the group fully expecting that she would be friends with my friends and we'd all have a nice time. The more the merrier and all that. For all my flaws, jealousy isn't one of them.

I think that in her mind, her inclusion relied solely on my approval and unless she got shot of me, she was only ever going to be a borrower, a hanger-on, who might potentially be discarded again at any point.

I think the fear of losing her new found friendship group was so acute that it became a competition to her...me OR her. One of us had to go, and it wasn't going to be her.
Of course, I thought she was my friend and I didn't know I was competing for anything until it was much too late.

The 'I don't want to get involved' thing really gets to me too. People don't have to involve themselves in other people's disagreements but, providing they know the facts from both sides, they can form a balanced opinion and be open and honest about that. Unfortunately, IME, people are quick to say to your face that they agree with you and support you but when it comes to openly demonstrating that they'd sooner look the other way..

If (like as I imagine Pictish is) you are a normal non game playing reasonable adult with a stable upbringing who wants only to have positive friendships with similar other adults you are vulnerable to these freakish weirdos.

Never had it done to me but did have a very intense friendship in my twenties with a brilliant fun woman - both single, did everything together etc. Did think it odd that she had no old friends at all. Then she royally screwed me over and dumped me like a hot brick and excluded me from group social events. I went from being the only bridesmaid at her intimate wedding to not being invited to her massive birthday event. It was so odd! Never had friendship issues before as had always befriended normal women.